DEAR ABBY: Was I spreading gossip by telling my former husband that our granddaughter's wedding was off? We had just returned from their engagement party. It is my understanding that one wants to cancel, while the other wants to go through with it.

The wedding is a year away and this has been the talk of the family for the past six months. Apparently, there has been trouble in paradise because she had an affair. As a result, they are now going to counseling. Our granddaughter said she was going to move back in with her mother for a while. -- "GOSSIP" IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR "GOSSIP": While news that the wedding may be off should be the privilege of the engaged couple to reveal, I don't think telling your former husband there is trouble in paradise and what it entailed was gossip. It is not a secret within the family, and her grandfather is a relative regardless of the fact that the two of you are divorced.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old (American) boy with a problem. I act childish, as in hugging my mom every day and saying "I love you" to her. If anyone in my middle school finds out about this, I'm dead meat. Could you please give me some advice? -- SAD IN SOUTH KOREA

DEAR SAD: Gladly. Hugging one's mother and telling her you love her is nothing to be embarrassed about. It isn't "childish," but shows you are a caring son and have a great relationship with her. (Not all teenagers, or their moms, are so lucky.) I see no reason to announce anything to your schoolmates that's private -- first, because the relationship you have with your mom is none of their business, and second, they probably hug their mothers, too.

DEAR ABBY: Can you help me understand something that's bothering me? Since when is it OK for kids to stand in front of stores and ask for money for things (sports teams, group trips, etc.)?

When I was growing up (not that long ago), we held car washes and bake sales and sold candy bars. This standing and asking for money without doing something to earn it drives me nuts! I have often been tempted to say something, but always bite my tongue so as not to cause a scene, but I'm fed up! -- VENTING IN FLORIDA

DEAR VENTING: I confess, when I first started reading your letter, I thought you were a curmudgeon. By the time I reached the end, I realized you have a valid point. This may happen because the adults involved in the fundraising are unimaginative and don't realize the message this sends to the kids is a poor one.

Because it bothers you, talk to the manager of the store where this is allowed because not all businesses encourage it. You could also write a letter to your local newspaper and call attention to the fact that when organizations do this, it teaches young people they can get something for nothing.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and I live on opposite coasts of the United States. I have visited them many times over the years. I'd like them to visit me, but my mother refuses to travel. (She is healthy and not scared of flying or traveling.)

At first, she said she didn't have the money, so I offered to pay for the ticket and lodging here in California. Her next excuse was she didn't have the time off, so I suggested she request it months in advance, or travel during her company's annual two-week shutdown. She wouldn't consider it.

My sister, who lives in the South, has had the same problem with Mom. We have told her how it makes us feel and asked her why she won't travel to either of us. Mom just mumbles that she knows how we feel, but she will give us no reason. Even Dad has become fed up with Mom's inertia, so he came to visit me on one trip and my sister on another.

Can you offer any suggestions? -- PUZZLED IN PALO ALTO

DEAR PUZZLED: Yes. Accept that your mother may simply be most comfortable in her own environment, and stop personalizing her refusal to travel. Enjoy your father's visits when he is able to come.

You and your sister are good, caring children. But your mother has an idiosyncrasy, and you will have to accept it because you have done everything you can.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning my wedding. It is making me more anxious than I expected. My fiance and I live together and already have many of the items a newly married couple would usually get as gifts. So, as of now, we are not registered anywhere. What is the best way to ask for monetary gifts instead? -- ANXIOUS BRIDE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ANXIOUS BRIDE: While traditionally it is not acceptable to blatantly ask for money -- and CERTAINLY not on a wedding invitation -- some couples open a bank account to be used for a down payment on a house or a special honeymoon "in lieu of gifts." The information can be conveyed verbally or on your wedding website.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend bleached her hair blond for a special event, but recently changed it back to her natural black color. She turned me on even more as a blonde, but I'm not sure how to tell her. Would I be out of line to ask her to go blond again for me? -- LIKES HER BLOND IN NEW YORK

DEAR LIKES HER BLOND: The time for you to have raved about how much you liked her "new look" was before she went back to her natural color. For someone to go from dark to blond, then dark to blond again can be damaging to the hair -- not to mention expensive to maintain.

You can ask, I suppose. But she may not be willing to go along with it. And if that's the case, you're just going to have to love her the way God made her.

P.S. You could buy her a blond wig to wear on "special occasions."

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Russell" for about a year. Last March he told me he had to move in with his grandmother because "he was the only bachelor in the family who could take care of her." Stupidly, I believed him.

Not long after that, I found out he had a pregnant girlfriend. I didn't let on that I knew, and we didn't see each other for about three months because he was "busy getting promoted at work." Now I have started seeing him again, and I just can't seem to let it go.

The problem is I still haven't told Russell I know about the girlfriend and the baby. I'm not sure how to go about letting him know I know what's going on. I can't bear the thought of him walking away from me again. How should I confront him? I'm in love, confused and heartbroken at the same time. -- FOOL IN LOVE IN MIAMI

DEAR F.I.L.: Try this -- a full-frontal assault of plain honesty. Tell him you know he slept with another woman and got her pregnant, and that story he told you about his grandmother was pure guano. Tell him you know he has stayed away because he preferred to be with someone else. Say that although you love him, you realize that as far as he's concerned, you're going cold turkey. Then do it.

And if you haven't already, see your OB/GYN and ask to be checked for STDs now that you know the "man" you're in love with can't be trusted. There's an adage I'll share because it applies to you: The truth will set you free.

DEAR ABBY: If your office or family has a $20 limit on gift exchanges, and you find a $20 gift on sale for $10, is that considered a $20 gift or a $10 one? -- PINCHING PENNIES IN OHIO

DEAR PINCHING: Prices are so fluid during some of the holidays that no one really knows the true "value" of what's being purchased anymore. If there is a $20 limit on what you're supposed to spend, it means you shouldn't spend any MORE than $20 -- and not much less than $20. If you find something marked $20 and can get it for less, you are a wise shopper -- not a piker.

P.S. You can also just buy a $20 gift card and avoid the uncertainty.

DEAR ABBY: If a single woman is having relations with a married man, then she is known as his mistress. But what do you call a single man who is having relations with a married woman? Would he be a "mister" -- or what? -- CURIOUS IN MACON, GA.

DEAR CURIOUS: He could be referred to as her lover or paramour. According to the Urban Dictionary, he could also be called a "manstress." (If there is financial support involved, then he's a gigolo and she's a "sugar mama.")