DEAR ABBY: My parents and I live on opposite coasts of the United States. I have visited them many times over the years. I'd like them to visit me, but my mother refuses to travel. (She is healthy and not scared of flying or traveling.)

At first, she said she didn't have the money, so I offered to pay for the ticket and lodging here in California. Her next excuse was she didn't have the time off, so I suggested she request it months in advance, or travel during her company's annual two-week shutdown. She wouldn't consider it.

My sister, who lives in the South, has had the same problem with Mom. We have told her how it makes us feel and asked her why she won't travel to either of us. Mom just mumbles that she knows how we feel, but she will give us no reason. Even Dad has become fed up with Mom's inertia, so he came to visit me on one trip and my sister on another.

Can you offer any suggestions? -- PUZZLED IN PALO ALTO

DEAR PUZZLED: Yes. Accept that your mother may simply be most comfortable in her own environment, and stop personalizing her refusal to travel. Enjoy your father's visits when he is able to come.

You and your sister are good, caring children. But your mother has an idiosyncrasy, and you will have to accept it because you have done everything you can.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning my wedding. It is making me more anxious than I expected. My fiance and I live together and already have many of the items a newly married couple would usually get as gifts. So, as of now, we are not registered anywhere. What is the best way to ask for monetary gifts instead? -- ANXIOUS BRIDE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ANXIOUS BRIDE: While traditionally it is not acceptable to blatantly ask for money -- and CERTAINLY not on a wedding invitation -- some couples open a bank account to be used for a down payment on a house or a special honeymoon "in lieu of gifts." The information can be conveyed verbally or on your wedding website.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend bleached her hair blond for a special event, but recently changed it back to her natural black color. She turned me on even more as a blonde, but I'm not sure how to tell her. Would I be out of line to ask her to go blond again for me? -- LIKES HER BLOND IN NEW YORK

DEAR LIKES HER BLOND: The time for you to have raved about how much you liked her "new look" was before she went back to her natural color. For someone to go from dark to blond, then dark to blond again can be damaging to the hair -- not to mention expensive to maintain.

You can ask, I suppose. But she may not be willing to go along with it. And if that's the case, you're just going to have to love her the way God made her.

P.S. You could buy her a blond wig to wear on "special occasions."

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Russell" for about a year. Last March he told me he had to move in with his grandmother because "he was the only bachelor in the family who could take care of her." Stupidly, I believed him.

Not long after that, I found out he had a pregnant girlfriend. I didn't let on that I knew, and we didn't see each other for about three months because he was "busy getting promoted at work." Now I have started seeing him again, and I just can't seem to let it go.

The problem is I still haven't told Russell I know about the girlfriend and the baby. I'm not sure how to go about letting him know I know what's going on. I can't bear the thought of him walking away from me again. How should I confront him? I'm in love, confused and heartbroken at the same time. -- FOOL IN LOVE IN MIAMI

DEAR F.I.L.: Try this -- a full-frontal assault of plain honesty. Tell him you know he slept with another woman and got her pregnant, and that story he told you about his grandmother was pure guano. Tell him you know he has stayed away because he preferred to be with someone else. Say that although you love him, you realize that as far as he's concerned, you're going cold turkey. Then do it.

And if you haven't already, see your OB/GYN and ask to be checked for STDs now that you know the "man" you're in love with can't be trusted. There's an adage I'll share because it applies to you: The truth will set you free.

DEAR ABBY: If your office or family has a $20 limit on gift exchanges, and you find a $20 gift on sale for $10, is that considered a $20 gift or a $10 one? -- PINCHING PENNIES IN OHIO

DEAR PINCHING: Prices are so fluid during some of the holidays that no one really knows the true "value" of what's being purchased anymore. If there is a $20 limit on what you're supposed to spend, it means you shouldn't spend any MORE than $20 -- and not much less than $20. If you find something marked $20 and can get it for less, you are a wise shopper -- not a piker.

P.S. You can also just buy a $20 gift card and avoid the uncertainty.

DEAR ABBY: If a single woman is having relations with a married man, then she is known as his mistress. But what do you call a single man who is having relations with a married woman? Would he be a "mister" -- or what? -- CURIOUS IN MACON, GA.

DEAR CURIOUS: He could be referred to as her lover or paramour. According to the Urban Dictionary, he could also be called a "manstress." (If there is financial support involved, then he's a gigolo and she's a "sugar mama.")

DEAR ABBY: I'm in love with my boyfriend, and we're about to move to a huge college town. We've been dating two years and I want him to be my husband, but at the same time I want to live life. I'm not even 21 yet, and I haven't experienced life. I want to go to a bar or club and dance with whomever I want, maybe even have a hookup if it were to come down to it. I have never had a one-night stand and I don't think I would, but if it came down to it -- who knows!

I don't want to hurt him, but I want him to be happy. He's happy with me and I'm happy with him. What do I do? How do I tell him I'd like freedom to be a ho? -- NEED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE

DEAR NEED TO EXPERIENCE LIFE: Explain to your boyfriend exactly the way you have described it to me, and if he is like 99 percent of the men on this planet, your problem will be solved. "Ho-Ho-Ho!"

DEAR ABBY: I'm 48 and the father of a 3-year-old son I love very much. His mother, "Chelsea," is 45. They live with me, although Chelsea and I are not romantically involved. Our son was an "oops" baby, but we chose to live together so we could have him in our daily lives.

Since moving in, Chelsea has decided she's not responsible for any part of the household duties, nor does she have to sustain herself as we had previously agreed. I work full-time, pay all the bills and provide everything. I also do the cooking and cleaning and pay for Chelsea's cigarettes and personal items. She claims she wants to be a stay-at-home mom -- although she is more "stay at home" than "mom." This infuriates me and has led to many arguments.

I have tried reasoning with her and talking rationally; nothing works. It has turned into one shouting match after another. What can I do to set her straight while not putting our son at risk of suffering from all of this fallout? Throwing her out is obviously not the answer. I'm just not sure what is. -- DOING IT ALL IN ARIZONA

DEAR DOING IT ALL: While it would have been nice for your son to be surrounded by two loving parents who get along, that's not how it has turned out. You should not be forced to shoulder as much of the responsibility as you have been saddled with, and living in a house with parents who are at each other's throats is not a healthy environment for a child.

Chelsea appears to be lazy, and I have to wonder about how conscientious a parent she is if she sits around smoking with her child in the house all day. Talk to an attorney about assuming full custody of your son. Because his mother refuses to work, it follows that she's in no position to support him. He is old enough for day care or preschool during the hours you are working.

Then thank God you didn't marry this woman, and tell Chelsea the free ride is over. If she can't abide by the agreement you two had when she moved in, she'll have to move out.