DEAR ABBY: A co-worker has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She's not sure how long she may have. She is relatively young, so it's tragic. We have excellent insurance from work, national health care and disability insurance.

Another co-worker sent out an email with a link to a crowdfunding site as well as an invitation to a party selling products. The proceeds will be donated to fulfilling a "cancer bucket list," which includes pampering, trips and other luxuries.

I sympathize with anyone having a terminal illness, but why does that mean I have to give money? Do they have a right to be pampered on other people's dime?

This kind of fundraising, without real financial need, seems to happen often: Co-workers who have had accidents, fires, unexpected or stressful incidents all have office collections set up, even when they are fully insured and the damage is covered by their policies. A friend (or Human Resources) contacts everyone who has had even a passing interaction with the individual and solicits donations.

I am happy to write letters and notes to people I know are having a hard time. I visit with closer friends and may bring a meal or flowers to their home. But people I've spent only a few hours of my life with asking for money for luxuries seems nervy to me. Am I a tightwad, or is a financial donation necessary to express condolences? -- TIGHTWAD IN CANADA

DEAR TIGHTWAD: Because you receive a solicitation does not mean you are obligated to respond to it. (Unless the "solicitor" is holding a gun, in which case I would advise you not to argue.) Whether to make a donation for something like this is your choice, and if you choose not to join in, you should not feel -- or be made to feel -- guilty if you decline.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married in June. Her father -- my ex -- has let her know she must invite his new wife's parents to the wedding. They are drinkers, and have in the past been very rude to my daughter. She has no relationship at all with them and doesn't want them at her wedding. She is aware that this will cause hard feelings with her stepmother and her father.

My soon-to-be son-in-law called me asking for advice. I said maybe they should be invited to keep peace in the family, but my daughter is very upset at the idea of having these people around on her "special day." Any advice? -- WEDDING INVITE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WEDDING INVITE: Your ex-husband's new in-laws are not related to your daughter and do not appear to have made an effort to befriend her. Because of that, I see no reason why they "must" be invited, unless your ex is footing the bill for the wedding.

If this is the case, and the wedding is a large one, the couple could be seated "in Siberia," which might be a less than satisfactory, but workable, solution. (Why they would insist on coming under these circumstances, I can't say, but some people will do almost anything for a free dinner.)

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and have a 1-year-old daughter. Unfortunately, our fights have become more frequent now. She suggested counseling, which I agree with. However, she insists I'm the one who is causing the problem and I should go first.

Sometimes we fight about finances, since I work to support our family while she looks after our daughter. We are a mixed-race couple and sometimes race comes into play. She accuses me of making demands on her because of my ethnicity (e.g., "You want an obedient partner because you're Chinese"). To me, that's racist, and I have told her so. Of course she disagrees.

Needless to say, that's my version of the story. Where can I find a good therapist? -- ROBERT IN NEW YORK

DEAR ROBERT: I agree you and your girlfriend could use some counseling, but you should get it together. That your girlfriend drags race into your financial disagreements is unfair to you.

Ask your physician if he or she knows a good counselor, check with your health insurance company for a referral, or visit the New York State Psychological Association website (nyspa.org) to find someone who is licensed to practice in your state.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing about all the letters you've printed that assume every relationship must end in marriage -- or at least living together -- in order to work. It isn't so. Robert Parker, noted author of the Spenser novels, and his wife lived on separate floors of a duplex for decades. I have been with my significant other for 20 years, and the only thing that keeps us together is living apart.

In our case, we aren't married and we live in the same condo complex, a minute's walk apart. After we had spent about 10 years as a couple, the neighbors stopped asking me when we would be married.

I'm a 59-year-old woman; he's a 64-year-old man. He needs absolute minimalism in his home, as opposed to my need to have things out so I don't forget them. In short, we have different living styles.

I have met many other women who envy my living situation. They love their husbands, but find living together to be too stressful. Comments, Abby? -- CINDY IN NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR CINDY: My only comment would be that I'm glad you and your significant other have found a lifestyle that works for you and fosters your relationship. I hope you have many happy years together and apart.

DEAR ABBY: If I take my wife out for a nice dinner, is it rude for her to excuse herself a couple of times during dinner to go outside and smoke a cigarette? -- DINNER FOR TWO

DEAR D.F.T.: This isn't a question of rudeness. Your wife is severely addicted to nicotine. If she could make it through the meal without a fix, I'm sure she would. How sad!

DEAR ABBY: I share a large house with two other women. The homeowner, "Mary," works from a home office during the day. "Sue" is her baby sister. She has two small children and doesn't work. She lives here rent-free thanks to Mary's generosity. I pay rent. We keep all our food separate and eat our meals separately. We each have our assigned shelves in the refrigerator and cupboards.

Today I mentioned to Sue that I was making meatloaf tonight, and before I could say I'll save you a slice, she invited herself to help me eat it. I was so flabbergasted I couldn't think of a response. She also told both of her kids and a girlfriend of hers who came over to visit that "we" were all having meatloaf for dinner. I didn't realize it until the last minute.

I don't mind sharing once in a while, but I live on a fixed income. I had planned for the meatloaf to last the rest of the week for my dinners and sandwiches for lunch. I finally told her, just as the meatloaf was done, that I had made it for myself and not to share with everyone.

Now I feel like a heel, but I'm realizing that whenever I make a large amount of food, Sue seems to think it's to share. Why am I feeling bad about this when it was she who put me on the spot? How can I avoid this in the future? This isn't the first time it has happened. -- PUZZLED IN THE WEST

DEAR PUZZLED: You may feel guilty because you are not used to standing up for yourself, but if you don't speak up, this person will not respect your boundaries. Sue should not assume she's entitled to any of your food regardless of the amount you prepare. To prevent this from happening again, schedule a house meeting -- without the children -- and say it loud and clear.

DEAR ABBY: My family is colorful, to say the least. Many co­workers, neighbors, friends and in-laws have asked me why I haven't written a book about my life because of the stories I have told them over the years about my family. I have always wanted to, and feel there are enough stories to not only fill one book but several. Some of them are so funny, scary, sad and outrageous that I see a miniseries or a movie being possible.

My dilemma is how my brothers and sisters will react to my putting it all on paper and the world seeing it in print. I kept telling myself, "Just wait till Mom (many stories start with her) passes away, so she won't be hurt." Well, now she's gone.

What do you think? Should I write it all down or not? If the answer is yes, how do I tell my brothers and sisters? Or should I not tell them at all? -- FAMILY SECRETS

DEAR FAMILY SECRETS: If you would like to write the stories down, that's your privilege. However, if there is anything in them that could be hurtful or embarrassing to your relatives, I recommend you change all the names and locations, and publish it under a pen name. Some of the greatest writers of the past have done that with great success.