DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been together for three years and have a 1-year-old daughter. Unfortunately, our fights have become more frequent now. She suggested counseling, which I agree with. However, she insists I'm the one who is causing the problem and I should go first.
Sometimes we fight about finances, since I work to support our family while she looks after our daughter. We are a mixed-race couple and sometimes race comes into play. She accuses me of making demands on her because of my ethnicity (e.g., "You want an obedient partner because you're Chinese"). To me, that's racist, and I have told her so. Of course she disagrees.
Needless to say, that's my version of the story. Where can I find a good therapist? -- ROBERT IN NEW YORK
DEAR ROBERT: I agree you and your girlfriend could use some counseling, but you should get it together. That your girlfriend drags race into your financial disagreements is unfair to you.
Ask your physician if he or she knows a good counselor, check with your health insurance company for a referral, or visit the New York State Psychological Association website (nyspa.org) to find someone who is licensed to practice in your state.