DEAR ABBY: I share a large house with two other women. The homeowner, "Mary," works from a home office during the day. "Sue" is her baby sister. She has two small children and doesn't work. She lives here rent-free thanks to Mary's generosity. I pay rent. We keep all our food separate and eat our meals separately. We each have our assigned shelves in the refrigerator and cupboards.

Today I mentioned to Sue that I was making meatloaf tonight, and before I could say I'll save you a slice, she invited herself to help me eat it. I was so flabbergasted I couldn't think of a response. She also told both of her kids and a girlfriend of hers who came over to visit that "we" were all having meatloaf for dinner. I didn't realize it until the last minute.

I don't mind sharing once in a while, but I live on a fixed income. I had planned for the meatloaf to last the rest of the week for my dinners and sandwiches for lunch. I finally told her, just as the meatloaf was done, that I had made it for myself and not to share with everyone.

Now I feel like a heel, but I'm realizing that whenever I make a large amount of food, Sue seems to think it's to share. Why am I feeling bad about this when it was she who put me on the spot? How can I avoid this in the future? This isn't the first time it has happened. -- PUZZLED IN THE WEST

DEAR PUZZLED: You may feel guilty because you are not used to standing up for yourself, but if you don't speak up, this person will not respect your boundaries. Sue should not assume she's entitled to any of your food regardless of the amount you prepare. To prevent this from happening again, schedule a house meeting -- without the children -- and say it loud and clear.

DEAR ABBY: My family is colorful, to say the least. Many co­workers, neighbors, friends and in-laws have asked me why I haven't written a book about my life because of the stories I have told them over the years about my family. I have always wanted to, and feel there are enough stories to not only fill one book but several. Some of them are so funny, scary, sad and outrageous that I see a miniseries or a movie being possible.

My dilemma is how my brothers and sisters will react to my putting it all on paper and the world seeing it in print. I kept telling myself, "Just wait till Mom (many stories start with her) passes away, so she won't be hurt." Well, now she's gone.

What do you think? Should I write it all down or not? If the answer is yes, how do I tell my brothers and sisters? Or should I not tell them at all? -- FAMILY SECRETS

DEAR FAMILY SECRETS: If you would like to write the stories down, that's your privilege. However, if there is anything in them that could be hurtful or embarrassing to your relatives, I recommend you change all the names and locations, and publish it under a pen name. Some of the greatest writers of the past have done that with great success.

DEAR ABBY: I recently received a very competitive internship in New York. I'm excited and can't wait to go. I have never been to New York, and my mom is driving me crazy over it.

She's using my internship as an excuse to go on vacation to "see me," even though I have told her multiple times that I won't be able to do anything with her because I'll be working full time. She doesn't have a car and expects to use mine, and she's constantly sending me information about stuff "we" can do in New York. It is overwhelming, and I'm getting very stressed out.

I just want to go by myself and have my own experience. We don't have that good a relationship. Would it be bad if I asked her not to come? -- STRESSED OUT NEW INTERN

DEAR INTERN: You have already told your mother -- with whom you do not have a good relationship -- that you will be busy. Repeat that message often. When she sends you literature about things you can do together, point out that your time must be devoted to one thing -- your internship. If she makes reservations to come to New York, tell her you would prefer that she not come until your internship is finished, unless she's prepared to do all of the activities she's planning on her own.

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 and still a virgin. For the past 10 years I have had a vaginal infection. I'm scared that I can't have children. Because of this I have never allowed myself to date.

I'm terrified of going to a doctor. My father died of cancer when I was 17, and the thought of being diagnosed with cancer prevents me from going to get this looked at. I am very depressed about this and the stress is causing my hair to fall out. I need help, but I'm scared. What should I do? -- ANONYMOUS IN SANTA BARBARA, CALIF.

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You MUST see a doctor. If you need moral support, ask a trusted friend or relative to come with you. The only thing worse than dying of cancer would be to die of a disease that could have been cured had it been diagnosed early enough.

Although I am not licensed to practice medicine, allow me to suggest that if what you have is cancer, you would have known by now. That's why I'm urging you to act like the adult you are and talk to a gynecologist.

If you don't know of one or can't afford one, contact Planned Parenthood. It has clinics that provide the help you need. The caring people at Planned Parenthood will help you as they have helped many others, and they'll do it on a sliding payment scale, if necessary. Please let me hear from you again so I'll know you're OK.

DEAR ABBY: What's up with this beard trend? I am sick and tired of looking at unshaven men. It makes them look shaggy and not clean. I think that hairless faces should be the new trend. Let's clean up, please. Do you agree, Abby? -- JOAN IN FLORIDA

DEAR JOAN: As a woman who is married to a man with a beard, I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior (girl) in high school and have been dating a sophomore even though he's less than a year younger than I am. (I'm very young for my grade.) We have a lot in common and I think we both love each other a lot.

Next fall, I'm planning on going to a local community college, but I won't be too far away. I think my boyfriend has more interest in the military or a vocational career than college, but he's very serious and mature for his age. I know college will be a chance for me to meet new people and I don't want to limit my chances, but if I'm still interested in dating him, would it be "proper"?

I was already hesitant about dating him because he was younger, although I knew if the situation was reversed it wouldn't be a problem. Assuming everything still works out between us, is it OK for a college girl to date a high school boy? I'm not sure how to handle this. I know things may change before fall, but I'm getting anxious about it now. He has already said that he would still like to date me if I want to, so it's basically up to me. -- ANXIOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANXIOUS: As far as I know, there is no rule forbidding a college freshman continuing to date someone who is still in high school. Because the choice is yours, I suggest you just let this play out.

College will present you with a chance to widen not only your range of interests, but also your circle of acquaintances. You owe it to yourself to take advantage of everything that college offers. If you wish to continue seeing your current boyfriend, do so. However, it would be better for both of you if it is done on a non-exclusive basis for the next few years.

DEAR ABBY: Several times recently when I have invited people to parties or dinners at our home, they have surprised me by responding with not only their regrets but also with a counteroffer. For example: "Sorry, we're busy the evening of the 22nd, but could you have us over the following Thursday?"

How should I respond to this? I'm trying to invite them for a specific event, not open a negotiation. It feels like the subtext is that our schedule is less important than our potential guests' and we should be prepared to entertain them whatever day they have open. On the other hand, this has happened so often I'm starting to wonder if social obligations are now being handled in the same way as business meetings and I should just adjust to it. What's your opinion? -- COUNTEROFFERS IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR COUNTEROFFERS: You should entertain on the schedule that's most convenient for you. If someone has a conflict, you should (sweetly) tell the person you will miss having them. Period.