DEAR ABBY: There is a guy that I kind of like at school, but he's really shy and doesn't really talk to anybody. I have talked to him a couple times, and he's really nice and has good manners. He sits with me and my group every day at lunch, and I see him around school. I say hi to him every time, but I'm not really getting any results. I would really love some guidance. -- SHY TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SHY TEEN: I think you are doing everything you can right now without scaring him off. On the plus side, this boy is comfortable with your group or he wouldn't be having lunch with you. If you all socialize beyond eating together (such as going to school dances or sporting events), make sure he knows he's welcome. If he takes you up on it, it will give you both a chance to get to know each other better, and it may help him to overcome some of his shyness.

DEAR ABBY: I just want people to know you can succeed in raising your kids as a single parent if you put your mind to it. I've worked in fast food, retail, and in nursing homes as a certified nursing assistant -- all jobs people call "dead end" jobs. I'm proud to say my kids are now grown and college-educated. I'm writing because I want to reassure single parents out there that it is possible. -- LOYAL READER IN ALABAMA

DEAR LOYAL READER: Congratulations on a job well done. Another example that comes to mind would be Ben Carson, M.D., an internationally respected pediatric neurosurgeon. He was raised by a single mother who had only a third-grade education, and he was a recent Republican candidate for president of the United States.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 70. She lives alone and has been diagnosed with mild dementia and hydrocephalus. She has fallen numerous times and hurt herself, can no longer drive and needs help with household tasks.

The problem is, a relative keeps asking her to baby-sit her 5- and 7-year-old sons. The doctor has said in front of Mom that she shouldn't, because the boys will distract her and she'll have a hard time focusing on her balance and getting up.

I have told this relative that Mom shouldn't be watching the kids, but she refuses to listen. (Other relatives say she will be fine if she does.) My mother loves watching these kids and I understand that. But I'm more concerned about her well-being. Not sure what to do about this. Can you help? -- CONCERNED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR CONCERNED: Speak to the doctor and see if he/she will put in writing what was said to you and your mom about not baby-sitting. If you get it in writing, you can share it with the mother of those children and the other relatives.

Frankly, as concerned as I am about your mother losing her balance because she is distracted, I am equally concerned about the welfare of the kids. If your mom should fall and hit her head or break a hip, would they know what to do to help her? And as she becomes more confused, if something like a fire should happen, would she be competent enough to get the children out and call the fire department?

What you have described could be a recipe for disaster, and I am shocked at the irresponsibility of that mother.

DEAR ABBY: I am the building manager of a high-rise office building. Every year we perform a fire alarm test to determine that all our fire alarm systems work properly. Employees in the building must evacuate in a timely manner.

Two years ago, a very overweight woman told me she had a heart condition and could not make it down the stairs during the drill. I told her to proceed to the stairwell, have one of her co-workers give me her location and in the event of a fire I'd send a fireman up to get her. A year later, another obese woman told me she, too, couldn't make it down the stairs. Word has gone out in the building. Now 10 other women have asked to be added to the "list" so they won't have to descend the stairs.

I have nightmares about these women standing in stairwells waiting for firemen to help them during a real fire. I have a call in to my local fire chief to see what he/she thinks I should do. Have you any thoughts on this matter? -- WORRIED BUILDING MANAGER

DEAR BUILDING MANAGER: Employees who are disabled need to know the evacuation plan in place for their safety. If others are taking advantage of the system set up for people with disabilities in order to avoid going down the stairs, it is unfair to everyone.

I took your question to Austin, Texas, Fire Chief Rhoda Mae Kerr, president of the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC), and to Allan Fraser, senior building code specialist at the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA). Both expressed concern that you would create a "list," because lists can become out-of-date or misplaced and of no use when a fire occurs. People quit, get fired, go on vacation, are home sick, etc. on any given workday.

The late chair of NFPA's Disability Access Review and Advisory Committee Bill Scott -- who was a wheelchair user -- often said, "Everyone, regardless of their disability, has some responsibility to ensure his or her own safety." Being dependent on others for rescue can be a recipe for disaster.

NFPA offers a free Emergency Evacuation Planning Guide for People With Disabilities, available for download at www.nfpa.org/disabilities. Chief Kerr and Mr. Fraser recommend you get it. I hope you will take them up on the suggestion, and be a stickler for compliance.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dad whose children are growing up fast, and our second will soon be out of diapers. Before that happens, I need to get clarity on public diaper behavior.

Often I find myself at a restaurant when it smells like it's time to change the diaper. Instead of running to the bathroom for a false alarm, I (and most parents I know) pull back the back of the diaper to check while we're in the middle of the restaurant. Is this bad manners or considered to be practical behavior? -- ON THE SCENT OUT WEST

DEAR ON THE SCENT: Pulling back the diaper should not be necessary. Experienced parents know what a clean and empty diaper looks and feels like. Others just pick up their child to determine if he or she passes the "sniff" test. I suggest this is what you do until your child is out of diapers.

DEAR ABBY: We have a child who was adopted through a closed adoption. We met the birth parents briefly at the hospital, but they wanted no further contact. Both birth parents had issues with drug abuse, and our daughter was born with drug issues, too.

A few years later we were contacted via the adoption agency by the paternal birth grandparents. They requested some photos because the birth father was getting out of jail and they thought the photos would help keep him out of trouble. We sent a nice collection of photos and an update on our child.

The next year, the birth grandparents sent a letter saying they would like more contact, including visits. They provided us with their names and contact info. The birth father, who now is back in jail, never contacted us and, as far as we know, does not want any contact. The adoption agency says they will pass on information between us, but doesn't have any advice on what we should do.

Our daughter is 6 and has expressed interest in her birth family. My husband wants no contact with the birth grandparents since neither of the birth parents consented to contact and it was a closed adoption. He is also concerned that our other adopted children may be hurt and jealous since they can't have contact with their birth parents for various reasons.

I am worried our daughter will be upset when she grows up that we never established a relationship with her birth family, but I really don't want to be involved with a family with such complex drug and legal issues. We have a large extended family, and our daughter sees her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all the time. Should we start a relationship with her birth grandparents? -- UNCERTAIN DOWN SOUTH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I agree with your husband, for all of the reasons you mentioned. Your daughter's birth parents made their wishes clear from the outset. You wouldn't be in this bind if you had respected them.

Because your daughter's birth parents are addicts, it is very important for her to understand that she may have a genetic tendency toward addiction herself. If she would like to locate her birth family when she is an adult, tell her you will help her then. But prepare her in advance so she will know what she's in for.

DEAR ABBY: I've never seen this question in your column. A female co-worker of mine wears a wig, and it's getting pretty scruffy. No one acknowledges her hairpiece, yet we all know she wears one.

If it were me, I would want someone to tell me it's time for a shampoo (or replacement?). When it was new, it was lovely. She's a wonderful person, and we don't want to embarrass her. Should we say something, or is it none of our business? Your thoughts? -- WORKING WOMAN

DEAR WORKING WOMAN: There is no way to diplomatically tell a person wearing a hairpiece that she (or he) is fooling no one or that it's looking ratty. If you do, it will cause embarrassment, or worse, hurt feelings. So resist the urge unless the woman asks for your opinion.