DEAR ABBY: I am the building manager of a high-rise office building. Every year we perform a fire alarm test to determine that all our fire alarm systems work properly. Employees in the building must evacuate in a timely manner.

Two years ago, a very overweight woman told me she had a heart condition and could not make it down the stairs during the drill. I told her to proceed to the stairwell, have one of her co-workers give me her location and in the event of a fire I'd send a fireman up to get her. A year later, another obese woman told me she, too, couldn't make it down the stairs. Word has gone out in the building. Now 10 other women have asked to be added to the "list" so they won't have to descend the stairs.

I have nightmares about these women standing in stairwells waiting for firemen to help them during a real fire. I have a call in to my local fire chief to see what he/she thinks I should do. Have you any thoughts on this matter? -- WORRIED BUILDING MANAGER

DEAR BUILDING MANAGER: Employees who are disabled need to know the evacuation plan in place for their safety. If others are taking advantage of the system set up for people with disabilities in order to avoid going down the stairs, it is unfair to everyone.

I took your question to Austin, Texas, Fire Chief Rhoda Mae Kerr, president of the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC), and to Allan Fraser, senior building code specialist at the National Fire Protection Association (NFPA). Both expressed concern that you would create a "list," because lists can become out-of-date or misplaced and of no use when a fire occurs. People quit, get fired, go on vacation, are home sick, etc. on any given workday.

The late chair of NFPA's Disability Access Review and Advisory Committee Bill Scott -- who was a wheelchair user -- often said, "Everyone, regardless of their disability, has some responsibility to ensure his or her own safety." Being dependent on others for rescue can be a recipe for disaster.

NFPA offers a free Emergency Evacuation Planning Guide for People With Disabilities, available for download at www.nfpa.org/disabilities. Chief Kerr and Mr. Fraser recommend you get it. I hope you will take them up on the suggestion, and be a stickler for compliance.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a dad whose children are growing up fast, and our second will soon be out of diapers. Before that happens, I need to get clarity on public diaper behavior.

Often I find myself at a restaurant when it smells like it's time to change the diaper. Instead of running to the bathroom for a false alarm, I (and most parents I know) pull back the back of the diaper to check while we're in the middle of the restaurant. Is this bad manners or considered to be practical behavior? -- ON THE SCENT OUT WEST

DEAR ON THE SCENT: Pulling back the diaper should not be necessary. Experienced parents know what a clean and empty diaper looks and feels like. Others just pick up their child to determine if he or she passes the "sniff" test. I suggest this is what you do until your child is out of diapers.

DEAR ABBY: We have a child who was adopted through a closed adoption. We met the birth parents briefly at the hospital, but they wanted no further contact. Both birth parents had issues with drug abuse, and our daughter was born with drug issues, too.

A few years later we were contacted via the adoption agency by the paternal birth grandparents. They requested some photos because the birth father was getting out of jail and they thought the photos would help keep him out of trouble. We sent a nice collection of photos and an update on our child.

The next year, the birth grandparents sent a letter saying they would like more contact, including visits. They provided us with their names and contact info. The birth father, who now is back in jail, never contacted us and, as far as we know, does not want any contact. The adoption agency says they will pass on information between us, but doesn't have any advice on what we should do.

Our daughter is 6 and has expressed interest in her birth family. My husband wants no contact with the birth grandparents since neither of the birth parents consented to contact and it was a closed adoption. He is also concerned that our other adopted children may be hurt and jealous since they can't have contact with their birth parents for various reasons.

I am worried our daughter will be upset when she grows up that we never established a relationship with her birth family, but I really don't want to be involved with a family with such complex drug and legal issues. We have a large extended family, and our daughter sees her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all the time. Should we start a relationship with her birth grandparents? -- UNCERTAIN DOWN SOUTH

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I agree with your husband, for all of the reasons you mentioned. Your daughter's birth parents made their wishes clear from the outset. You wouldn't be in this bind if you had respected them.

Because your daughter's birth parents are addicts, it is very important for her to understand that she may have a genetic tendency toward addiction herself. If she would like to locate her birth family when she is an adult, tell her you will help her then. But prepare her in advance so she will know what she's in for.

DEAR ABBY: I've never seen this question in your column. A female co-worker of mine wears a wig, and it's getting pretty scruffy. No one acknowledges her hairpiece, yet we all know she wears one.

If it were me, I would want someone to tell me it's time for a shampoo (or replacement?). When it was new, it was lovely. She's a wonderful person, and we don't want to embarrass her. Should we say something, or is it none of our business? Your thoughts? -- WORKING WOMAN

DEAR WORKING WOMAN: There is no way to diplomatically tell a person wearing a hairpiece that she (or he) is fooling no one or that it's looking ratty. If you do, it will cause embarrassment, or worse, hurt feelings. So resist the urge unless the woman asks for your opinion.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for six years. He is only the second person I have been intimate with. I love him and am pretty sure that we will end up marrying. Neither of us has ever cheated.

The problem is that I'm having doubts about my lack of experience with other men. I'm not saying I want to sleep around with random men, but I would like to experience intimacy with someone else so I won't wonder "what if" when I am older and married. Am I wrong for this? -- CONFUSED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED: I don't think you are "wrong," but your question does make me wonder whether you are ready to settle down. If your sex life were as fulfilling as you would like it to be, you wouldn't be asking if you are wrong for wanting more. Level with your boyfriend about your feelings to see if you can work this out. However, if the answer is no, then both of you may want to move on.

DEAR ABBY: We are friends with a couple who married five months ago. My husband, "Ian," was one of the groomsmen, so we were deeply involved with wedding details a long time prior to the wedding. Ian and the groom, "Claude," are now on the same team at work.

Since the wedding, Claude spends a lot of time talking about his wife to anyone within earshot and on social media to the point of excess. (The bride is "perfect, beautiful, lovely" and he's "so lucky to be married to her," etc.) Everyone on the team works overtime every night because Claude posts love notes to his wife all day. The team supervisor talked to my husband about it, and asked him to cover Claude's workload because of his pre-wedding and now post-wedding bliss.

I have filtered the guy's posts and stopped reading, but Ian feels stuck in the middle at the office. He needs Claude to get his head back in the game and work. How can my husband gently communicate that this is affecting Claude's job performance and driving everyone batty? Ian is afraid that if he complains to the supervisor, his friend will feel betrayed. -- OVERLOADED IN ALABAMA

DEAR OVERLOADED: The matter should be brought to the attention of their supervisor so the supervisor can handle it before it becomes a morale problem. What's going on is unprofessional and unfair to the other team members. The supervisor should tell Ian's besotted friend that the time he's spending messaging his bride has increased the workload on everyone else, the honeymoon is over, and he needs to get his mind back on the tasks at hand.