life

Baby's Godmother Is Cut Off for Life After Simple Hello

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When my friend became pregnant, her boyfriend didn't stick around to be in the baby's life. The three of us had gone to school together, and they started dating years later. When she asked me to be the child's godmother, I said yes. The baby is 5 months old now.

While I was out at a bar recently, I ran into the boyfriend. My friend is now mad at me because I said hello to him. She thinks I should have ignored him, given him a dirty look or had words with him in public, but that's not me.

She's now saying she never wants to talk to me or see me again. She told me to have a good life! I know she's bitter, but I feel that was a little extreme. What should I do? -- CONFUSED GODMOTHER

DEAR CONFUSED: Frankly, I think you should take this vindictive individual at her word until she apologizes. If you do as I suggest, there will be far less turmoil and drama in your life.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Man Wants a Piece of the Action on Girlfriend's Weekend Rentals

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I each own our homes and have about the same mortgage payment. She ends up staying with me most of the time because I live closer to where we both work.

I recently found out that she has been Airbnbing her condo a lot of the weekends when she stays with me. I feel taken advantage of even though it doesn't really affect me whether her place is empty or she's getting rent.

What is the etiquette on such an arrangement? Should I be getting a cut? I feel if I told her I wanted to stay at her place and rent out mine, she would want some of the money. -- WEEKEND ROOMIES

DEAR WEEKEND ROOMIES: There is no rule of etiquette governing whether you're entitled to some of the income she receives from renting out her place while she's visiting you. Discuss this with your entrepreneurial girlfriend and see how she feels about sharing the wealth. Her reaction will give insight into her character.

Etiquette & EthicsMoneyLove & Dating
life

Teachers Need a Lesson in How to Use Sick Days

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 21st, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am an elementary school teacher, and I have noticed that many of my colleagues come to work when they're sick. Taking time away from work to recover from an illness seems to be viewed as weakness. We have sick days, but they are proud of the fact that they don't use them.

These co­workers wear their illnesses like badges of honor -- as if coming to work sick somehow shows their dedication. I feel it is inconsiderate to the children and to other staff members who are forced to spend hours with them in enclosed spaces exposed to their germs.

I'm not sure how to express my feelings without causing a rift because one of the worst offenders is the principal. Any suggestions? -- SICK & TIRED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SICK & TIRED: Just this: You are entitled to air your feelings about this with other staff members in the teachers' lounge. However, if you think your principal might retaliate if you complain about his/her lack of consideration, make a point of keeping your distance when your boss shows any symptoms of something contagious.

Work & SchoolHealth & Safety
life

Married Woman Can't Resist When Lover Wants to Meet

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 20th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who is in a loveless marriage. We do not spend time together, nor do we have sex. For the past four years I have had an on-again, off-again affair with a guy from my church. He's 10 years younger and everything I have ever wanted.

My No. 1 problem is that I know adultery is wrong and goes against everything I have ever believed in. I always tell myself that this is the last time, but when he wants to meet again I don't have the strength to say no. (We have everything going for us in the physical department, but I know we'd never have a lasting relationship.)

I'm not writing to ask if what I'm doing is wrong because I know it is. I'm writing because I need your help/advice on how to say no when you are in love with the person, but don't want them to know!

My lover lost his virginity to me, and I'm having trouble understanding why he still wants to be with me after all of this time. Is it because I'm just easy and he knows he can have sex with no commitment, or does he actually care about me but knows he can't have me all to himself? I am ashamed about my behavior and looking for a way to ... JUST SAY NO

DEAR JUST SAY NO: You may be attracted to your lover because you are essentially alone in your marriage. There is a solution for your problems, but it won't be pleasant. Tell your husband what has been going on and why, and end the marriage, which appears to have been over for a long time.

Once the smoke clears, ask your lover the questions about his intentions that you mentioned to me, and then decide whether to continue seeing him. He may be in love with you, but if he is, the question of whether you love him or whether he's just a convenience remains. Of this I am certain: You are not his sex slave -- and when you think you have a better option, you WILL find the way to "just say no."

Marriage & Divorce
life

Modesty Is in Short Supply at Suburban Hospital

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 20th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I work at a large suburban hospital, and there's an issue that needs to be addressed. Patients walk around with their butts exposed! Patients are always given a second gown to use as a robe, but many of them decide not to use it.

Abby, these are all alert, oriented people. In addition to staff, there are visitors (including children) and other patients walking in the halls.

When someone runs up behind them to give them the second gown, these are some of the responses we are given: "Let 'em look!" (No one wants to.) "There's nothing to look at." (Yes, there is, and no one wants to.) "I've got nothing anyone wants to see." (Then why are you showing it off?) "No one cares about my butt." (That's right, and no one wants to see it.) "I'm not modest." (We're grossed out.) "This is a hospital; why does it matter?" (So, everyone should just walk around naked?)

How do you think we should address this? -- NO BUTTS, PLEASE

DEAR NO BUTTS: "Address" it by informing patients that wearing both gowns is a hospital rule. That would be a start. If you are asked why, tell the person that it's to prevent visitors and other patients from being offended by the sight of someone's uncovered "gluteus maximi." And if anyone gives you an argument, tell the person that's the way it is -- no ifs, ands or buts.

Health & SafetyEtiquette & Ethics
life

Strangers' Parenting Advice May Deserve Consideration

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 19th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What do I say to people who give me unsolicited parenting advice or scold my daughter in public? I would never interfere with another parent or direct a child who isn't in my care. What gives these people the right to barge into someone else's life in such a way?

I have been chastised for letting my daughter sit on the floor while waiting in a long line, letting her be more than 4 feet away from me in the aisles, and allowing her to speak loudly. She's 3. I don't hire a sitter for running errands and I can't leave her in the car.

It's hard enough wrangling an energetic kid while trying to shop, do banking or send mail without being constantly pestered by strangers. Do you have any thoughts on this? -- MOM IN HILLSBORO, ORE.

DEAR MOM: If your child is so disruptive that individuals feel the need to intervene or offer "parenting advice," then it's time you took some of it to heart. If she's bored while you're doing errands, bring something along for her to do rather than use her "outside voice" or run wild in the aisles.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Mom and Daughter Clash Over Perfect Prom Dress

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 19th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Prom is less than three weeks away, and I'm still looking for the perfect dress. My mom and I went prom dress shopping one time -- but everything I liked, she didn't. She told me that if she didn't like the dress, she was not going to purchase it.

I tried to tell her this is my prom and I should like the dress, not her, without sounding mean. She told me I should pick the cheapest dress.

Am I wrong for not liking the dresses she likes? How can I get through to her that this is not her prom, but my prom? -- AGGRAVATED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR AGGRAVATED: When you start buying your own wardrobe, your taste can be the deciding factor. However, when your mother buys it FOR you, it's important to remember that her budget needs to be considered and try to be gracious about it. As you will discover when you are older, because a dress is expensive does not guarantee that it's the prettiest or that it will look great on you.

Family & ParentingMoneyTeens
life

Earth Day Is a Great Day to Start Recycling

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 19th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Friday, April 22, is Earth Day. Recycling is so important to our planet's irreplaceable resources. Can you please remind your readers how long it takes items to break down in a landfill? -- SCOTT IN TEXAS

DEAR SCOTT: Items such as glass bottles and jars, plastic containers, aluminum cans, disposable diapers and plastic foam cups can take from hundreds to thousands of years -- or more -- to decompose. Cigarette butts can take up to 10 years. I encourage interested readers to go online, see the figures and learn what they can do to reduce, reuse or recycle.

Earth Day offers a chance for all of us to do something positive for the planet. Many parents use it as an opportunity to bond with their children, and some schools offer credit to students who participate. Helping children understand how the garbage they produce impacts their environment is important, so please, Readers, do what you can.

Work & SchoolFamily & ParentingHolidays & Celebrations

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