DEAR ABBY: I'm a 36-year-old woman who is in a loveless marriage. We do not spend time together, nor do we have sex. For the past four years I have had an on-again, off-again affair with a guy from my church. He's 10 years younger and everything I have ever wanted.

My No. 1 problem is that I know adultery is wrong and goes against everything I have ever believed in. I always tell myself that this is the last time, but when he wants to meet again I don't have the strength to say no. (We have everything going for us in the physical department, but I know we'd never have a lasting relationship.)

I'm not writing to ask if what I'm doing is wrong because I know it is. I'm writing because I need your help/advice on how to say no when you are in love with the person, but don't want them to know!

My lover lost his virginity to me, and I'm having trouble understanding why he still wants to be with me after all of this time. Is it because I'm just easy and he knows he can have sex with no commitment, or does he actually care about me but knows he can't have me all to himself? I am ashamed about my behavior and looking for a way to ... JUST SAY NO

DEAR JUST SAY NO: You may be attracted to your lover because you are essentially alone in your marriage. There is a solution for your problems, but it won't be pleasant. Tell your husband what has been going on and why, and end the marriage, which appears to have been over for a long time.

Once the smoke clears, ask your lover the questions about his intentions that you mentioned to me, and then decide whether to continue seeing him. He may be in love with you, but if he is, the question of whether you love him or whether he's just a convenience remains. Of this I am certain: You are not his sex slave -- and when you think you have a better option, you WILL find the way to "just say no."

DEAR ABBY: I work at a large suburban hospital, and there's an issue that needs to be addressed. Patients walk around with their butts exposed! Patients are always given a second gown to use as a robe, but many of them decide not to use it.

Abby, these are all alert, oriented people. In addition to staff, there are visitors (including children) and other patients walking in the halls.

When someone runs up behind them to give them the second gown, these are some of the responses we are given: "Let 'em look!" (No one wants to.) "There's nothing to look at." (Yes, there is, and no one wants to.) "I've got nothing anyone wants to see." (Then why are you showing it off?) "No one cares about my butt." (That's right, and no one wants to see it.) "I'm not modest." (We're grossed out.) "This is a hospital; why does it matter?" (So, everyone should just walk around naked?)

How do you think we should address this? -- NO BUTTS, PLEASE

DEAR NO BUTTS: "Address" it by informing patients that wearing both gowns is a hospital rule. That would be a start. If you are asked why, tell the person that it's to prevent visitors and other patients from being offended by the sight of someone's uncovered "gluteus maximi." And if anyone gives you an argument, tell the person that's the way it is -- no ifs, ands or buts.

DEAR ABBY: What do I say to people who give me unsolicited parenting advice or scold my daughter in public? I would never interfere with another parent or direct a child who isn't in my care. What gives these people the right to barge into someone else's life in such a way?

I have been chastised for letting my daughter sit on the floor while waiting in a long line, letting her be more than 4 feet away from me in the aisles, and allowing her to speak loudly. She's 3. I don't hire a sitter for running errands and I can't leave her in the car.

It's hard enough wrangling an energetic kid while trying to shop, do banking or send mail without being constantly pestered by strangers. Do you have any thoughts on this? -- MOM IN HILLSBORO, ORE.

DEAR MOM: If your child is so disruptive that individuals feel the need to intervene or offer "parenting advice," then it's time you took some of it to heart. If she's bored while you're doing errands, bring something along for her to do rather than use her "outside voice" or run wild in the aisles.

DEAR ABBY: Prom is less than three weeks away, and I'm still looking for the perfect dress. My mom and I went prom dress shopping one time -- but everything I liked, she didn't. She told me that if she didn't like the dress, she was not going to purchase it.

I tried to tell her this is my prom and I should like the dress, not her, without sounding mean. She told me I should pick the cheapest dress.

Am I wrong for not liking the dresses she likes? How can I get through to her that this is not her prom, but my prom? -- AGGRAVATED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR AGGRAVATED: When you start buying your own wardrobe, your taste can be the deciding factor. However, when your mother buys it FOR you, it's important to remember that her budget needs to be considered and try to be gracious about it. As you will discover when you are older, because a dress is expensive does not guarantee that it's the prettiest or that it will look great on you.

DEAR ABBY: Friday, April 22, is Earth Day. Recycling is so important to our planet's irreplaceable resources. Can you please remind your readers how long it takes items to break down in a landfill? -- SCOTT IN TEXAS

DEAR SCOTT: Items such as glass bottles and jars, plastic containers, aluminum cans, disposable diapers and plastic foam cups can take from hundreds to thousands of years -- or more -- to decompose. Cigarette butts can take up to 10 years. I encourage interested readers to go online, see the figures and learn what they can do to reduce, reuse or recycle.

Earth Day offers a chance for all of us to do something positive for the planet. Many parents use it as an opportunity to bond with their children, and some schools offer credit to students who participate. Helping children understand how the garbage they produce impacts their environment is important, so please, Readers, do what you can.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is extremely critical of others. He almost never has anything nice to say about anyone. He badmouths his co-workers, friends, family members and strangers. We don't have friends anymore because he doesn't want to be around them. I don't understand his type of personality.

He thinks his way of thinking and doing things is the only right way and everyone else is wrong. He's always quick to shift the blame when something goes awry. If he accidentally bumps into someone or breaks something, it's never his fault -- the person was in his way, or the broken object was junk, etc.

What makes people this way? Is there any hope that he can change? We are nearing retirement age, and I need my space. I cannot be his everything. -- REACHED THE LIMIT IN INDIANA

DEAR REACHED: It appears you married a self-entitled misanthrope. Not knowing him, I can't guess why your husband is this way. Change is possible in anyone, IF the person recognizes the need for it and wants to change. From your description, he must be a heavy load to carry, and I doubt he will admit the need.

If you want to continue this marriage and save your sanity after he retires, you must create separate time, hobbies and relationships for yourself apart from him, and be prepared in advance for the fact that he won't like it one bit.

DEAR ABBY: Kudos to you for your advice to "Willing to Do It in West Virginia" (Dec. 10), who asked for advice regarding temporarily adopting her son "Kevin's" dog while he was away on deployment, which her husband did not want to do. The husband felt that Kevin getting the dog in the first place was a mistake and her son should "learn his lesson." You advised that they should temporarily take the dog, since there was no way of knowing what might happen during his deployment.

Giving the dog to a shelter would have a high probability of being a death sentence. That's not humane when there are viable alternatives, and the situation is no fault of the dog's. An alternative would be to contact Dogs on Deployment (dogsondeployment.org), a national nonprofit that provides an online network that connects service members with volunteers willing to board their pets during their service commitments.

Dogs on Deployment promotes responsible, lifelong pet ownership by advocating for military pet owner rights, providing educational resources, and granting financial assistance for military pet owners during times of emergency. -- JENNIFER IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR JENNIFER: Thank you for the information. Other Dear Abby readers mentioned that returning soldiers may have witnessed traumatic things during deployment and, once they return home, need the unconditional love an animal companion provides. Along with Dogs on Deployment, other organizations that may be helpful to military families include PACT for Animals, Guardian Angels for Soldier's Pet or the local SPCA.