DEAR ABBY: I'm writing this as a warning -- especially to older women who get married a second time to someone with adult children. Please keep your own money separate, if at all possible.

Throughout our long marriage, I trusted my second husband to do what he promised me and my relatives. He arranged very good financial care for me in the event of his death, and assured me that I would want for nothing.

Unbeknownst to me until it was too late, my husband had left power of attorney to his money-hungry children, who proceeded to take advantage of his dementia and very old age. Tragically, they convinced my husband to divorce me. This brought me much heartbreak, shock and lack of trust after a happy, long marriage.

Because I am a strong person, I have learned to cope and take care of myself. It wasn't easy, and the process has been slow, but I'm succeeding. Along the way I have learned some painful but valuable lessons.

I would like my experience to help other women, especially older, traditional women like me who have spent most of their lives taking care of their husbands and are dependent on them to take responsible, proper and loving financial care of us. Thank you, Abby. -- MOVING AHEAD NOW

DEAR MOVING AHEAD: What was done to you is disgraceful, and I hope your letter will serve as a warning to other wives. If your husband had shown you the documents he had drawn up regarding his estate planning, and he and his lawyer had explained them all to you, this wouldn't have happened. To me, the lesson here is "trust, but verify," and I hope others will learn from your experience before it's too late for them.

DEAR ABBY: I have encountered an "over-hugger." I hug often, but respect how others feel about it. This person does not extend that courtesy. His typical hug involves picking the recipient up off the ground, which I think is his way of showing off. The last time I saw him I offered my hand. Instead, he yanked me in and said, "We give hugs here!" It felt invasive. I know he is trying to show love, but he puts his own desire before the needs of others.

I want to tell him not to hug me anymore. However, it's complicated because we are part of a loose-knit athletic community, and people hug left and right at our events. I hug a lot of people, but I'm polite about it. Not only would I likely have to declare "no hugs" to him in front of others, but it would become obvious that we don't hug.

Am I odd to not want him to hug me? Would I be wrong to just tell him I'd prefer a handshake? -- OVER-HUGGED IN TEXAS

DEAR OVER-HUGGED: You're not odd. Even people who like to be hugged dislike being swept off their feet in the manner you have described. It would not be wrong to take the person aside and tell him privately that in the future, you would prefer that he just give you a warm handshake instead of grabbing you.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson "Kyle" is in his early 20s, 6 foot 1 and weighs about 230. His sister is a very sweet 15-year-old and a devoted churchgoer.

At a recent family get-together, they were goofing around and he got her down on the floor on her stomach, sat on her knees to hold her down, and proceeded to reach his hand into her trousers to jerk her panties up and out of her pants. He then pulled her pants down almost to the bottom of her buttocks and spanked her.

The whole time, I was trying to get Kyle to stop acting so disrespectfully to his sister, but he ignored me. This happened in front of several people, including my husband, a male cousin in his 40s and the kids' great-aunt. I was shocked and I'm still angry. Kyle's aunt agrees with me and wonders whether molestation is involved.

Is this normal behavior between brothers and sisters? Are we old-fashioned? Are we overreacting? -- SHOCKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHOCKED: While I don't think that what happened was molestation, Kyle's behavior was extremely inappropriate. I can only guess how humiliated that poor girl was. I can't imagine why anyone would allow it to happen without putting a stop to it.

Kyle is an adult, even though he acts like a 13-year-old. What he did amounted to an assault of a minor, which at his age could land him in the pokey, and he needs to be "reminded" of that fact.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Joe," has what I refer to as "pedestrian rage." Neither of us drives, so we use mass transit or walk everywhere. We live in a large city and drivers are not always careful about pedestrians in parking lots, crosswalks, etc., making it doubly important to protect one's own safety when on foot.

I feel that Joe compromises our safety by being confrontational with motorists who fail his exacting standards. He curses loudly, strikes vehicles with his hand, or stops and glares at drivers who anger him. I have asked him repeatedly not to engage with these drivers for fear of retaliation.

The other day a man drove into the crosswalk when we were crossing on the green light. We weren't close to that section of the crosswalk yet, but Joe smacked the man's car as we crossed behind it. The man, who was very large and very angry, pulled over, jumped out and threatened to beat Joe up for touching his car. I pulled Joe down the sidewalk as he yelled at the driver.

I am at my wit's end. I'm afraid to go anywhere with him because he just doesn't get it. I no longer feel safe with him. His behavior is ruining our relationship. Do you have any suggestions? -- CROSSWALK RAGE

DEAR CROSSWALK RAGE: I sure do. Stop walking with him until he learns to control his temper because it could not only get himself hurt, but you as well. Banging on a traffic violator's car and cursing at him only escalates an already unfortunate situation.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and have been in a relationship since I was 13 with the same person on and off. I have been with him since my parents divorced, so you might say he's been my crutch for a long time.

He makes it clear that without him I am an emotional mess. I spend every day isolated from friends and family, while he spends his time with his friends. (I'm not allowed to be with them.) If I'm out with a friend, it is a huge issue.

I love him and I don't want to break up, but it feels like I'm alone even when I'm with him. I'm sick of letting a man make me feel like he's my reason for being alive. I want better. I deserve better. I am so confused. Please help me. -- DESERVES BETTER IN NEW YORK

DEAR DESERVES BETTER: I am crossing my fingers and hoping that you are still living with one of your parents. If you have been living with this person, I cannot stress strongly enough how important it is for you to make other arrangements.

You acknowledge that he has been your "crutch." Well, unless someone is severely disabled -- which you are not -- crutches are meant to be temporary. Among the warning signs of an abuser is being controlling and preventing his victim from forming healthy relationships with other people. Another red flag is if the person chips away at his victim's self-esteem by saying she/he "can't survive without him."

That you want something better for yourself and know you deserve better is a sign that you still have some healthy self-esteem. So please act on it. End this relationship and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: I am a postal worker. With wedding and graduation seasons fast approaching, please pass along some suggestions to your readers:

Before addressing envelopes, please make sure your address books are up to date. We do everything in our power to make sure all mail gets to where it is supposed to be, but you'd be shocked how often it's addressed to someone who moved many years ago -- or worse, is deceased.

Be sure to include the recipient's last name and try not to use nicknames. If the address is off by a little bit, a last name on the envelope is sometimes helpful. You might think everyone knows Uncle Bob as "Moose." But as carriers, unless we know the recipient personally, we only know his or her proper name.

And don't forget to include your return address on the envelope so if it can't be delivered, you'll know the recipient didn't receive it. That way, you won't think that "Aunt Ann" didn't want to attend or have her think she wasn't invited.

And last but not least, be sure to have proper postage on the envelope! Often, due to the size or thickness of an invitation, extra postage is needed. I hope this will help your readers. -- MICHIGAN MAIL CARRIER

DEAR MAIL CARRIER: So do I!