DEAR ABBY: I need some advice about quitting smoking. I am the father of an only child and husband to a wonderful wife. But for some reason, I have not been able to find the motivation to quit. I know smoking is bad for my health, and I don't want to endanger my child's health any longer.

I have tried the gum, the patch and even prescription meds. My willpower just isn't strong and I can't quit, no matter what I try. I need the right inspiration. Can you help me stop this nasty habit? -- SICK OF IT IN MISSOURI

DEAR SICK OF IT: I'll try. As a former smoker, I'll share what worked for me. Cold turkey. First, clean house. Get rid of all the cigarettes you have stashed at home, in your car and at your workplace. Yes, even the pack you "forgot" in your jacket pocket.

Realize that your body is saturated with nicotine and it must be flushed out. Drinking LOTS of water for the first month will help you accomplish that.

Then, choose one day when you will go entirely smoke-free. Understand going in that you will crave your "fix." When that craving hits, if you must put something in your mouth, chew (non-nicotine) gum, go brush your teeth or eat a crunchy vegetable (carrot sticks, celery). If you can manage to do this for just one day, you can do it for another one. And then another, etc.

Accept that you are an addict and that your "sobriety" is something you will have to cling to with determination. Eventually the impulse to grab a cigarette will fade, but every now and then you may have an urge to smoke that comes out of left field. When that happens, get up and walk out of the room. By the time you return, the urge will have subsided. Mine did.

And one more thing -- if you fall off the wagon (and you may), think about watching your child graduate from high school or college, getting married and playing with your grandchildren. Your chances of doing those things will be better if you're not a smoker. Then get back on that wagon and start over again.

That's how I quit, and the third time I did it, it worked. (Clearly, I do not have willpower of cast iron.) If I can do it, believe me, so can you. Please write again in six months and let me know you're tobacco-free, too. I'm rooting for you.

DEAR ABBY: Can you really learn to love someone you don't find physically attractive? -- TWITTER FAN OF ABBY

DEAR TWITTER FAN: You may learn to love the person for his or her finer qualities, but I don't think you can "learn" to find someone physically attractive if the chemistry simply isn't there.

DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering how to approach a situation following a visit with some relatives. We enjoyed a wonderful visit and they were very nice to put us up in their guest room. A few days into our stay, I woke up with strange and very itchy bites on my legs and shoulders. When I mentioned it to our host, she quickly supplied me with some itch cream and changed the subject.

After we returned home, we met a few of our relatives and they mentioned that this particular household was experiencing a bed bug problem. I was shocked and a little hurt that they didn't mention the infestation or warn us ahead of time.

We're in the process of making sure we didn't bring any of these critters home, but if we must hire an exterminator or replace furniture, we will be in a bind financially. What would be the proper way to address this, and should our host feel some responsibility for what costs we may have to incur? -- ITCHY AND IRRITATED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ITCHY: That these relatives would knowingly allow you to stay in a room they knew was infested with "critters" is appalling. Could they have been too embarrassed to speak up?

If you must replace rugs, mattresses, bedding, etc., ask them to reimburse you. If they refuse, you could take them to small claims court and get a judgment IF you could prove you picked the bugs up there. But first you should let your relatives know that other family members told you about their "sin of omission." In the future, if you plan to visit this couple again, stay elsewhere. Once bitten, twice shy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "George" for 20 years. We have a solid relationship except for one thing that drives me crazy: He insists on having his ex-wife cut his hair.

I have told him over and over that I really dislike it and I wish he would go elsewhere, but he refuses. Now he's going behind my back and waiting for me to notice that he's had a haircut. He used to at least tell me beforehand. It would take an entire column to describe her past behavior, but it's not all that different from many exes.

I think what he's doing is disrespectful to me. I would never continue doing something he asked me not to if it bothered him. There are a lot of hairstylists in this town, and her haircuts aren't that great. Am I being unreasonable? -- BOTHERED IN IDAHO

DEAR BOTHERED: Your husband has been doing this for 20 years and you are only writing to me about it now? Because it bothers you, the next time he goes over to get his hair cut, volunteer to go with him. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em -- and maybe get a manicure in the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single father of teenage boys. I have always played an active role in my children's lives, physically, emotionally and financially. My older son lives with me; my younger sons live with their mother.

I am bisexual and have always been attracted to both men and women. It took me a long time to admit it to myself. I suffered from depression for many years as I struggled with my sexual identity. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with HIV. Since then, I have been on medication and live a very healthy lifestyle.

None of my children knows about my sexuality or my diagnosis. I have wanted to tell them for a while now, but I can never bring myself to do it. I'm afraid that if I tell them, they'll be ashamed of me and it will add unnecessary stress in their lives. On the other hand, I'm tired of keeping secrets. Furthermore, I worry about the possibility that they could find out from someone else.

All four of us will be together for an event in a couple of months. I feel this could be a good opportunity to tell them. Or should I tell them on their own, individually? Am I selfish for wanting to tell my children? Or am I foolish for not telling them? -- KEEPING SECRETS

DEAR KEEPING SECRETS: If your children ask you about your health or your sexual orientation, do not lie to them. However, I see no reason for you to make a blanket announcement about this now because I sincerely believe that most young people do not care to know.

If you wind up partnering with another man, they will at some point begin to draw their own conclusions. If your health takes a turn for the worse, they will need to know your status. Until then, my advice is to keep mum.

DEAR ABBY: I want to get my belly button pierced this year for my 15th birthday, but my parents said no. It's just getting my belly button pierced. They let me dye my hair and get my cartilage pierced -- so why not my belly button?

It's not going to affect my parents whatsoever. It's my body. I think they should let me do reasonable things to it, like get my belly button pierced. I just don't get it. -- UNPIERCED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNPIERCED: Your parents may be afraid that if you get your belly button pierced you will want to expose that area of your body to show it off -- and they would prefer that you dress more modestly until you're older. They could also be concerned that your piercing might become infected. Whatever their reason, as a minor, you should not get anything pierced without their permission.