DEAR ABBY: I'm 39 and have been married for nine years. Three years into our marriage I got sick and lost a lot of weight. I now turn heads everywhere I go. All except the head I want to turn -- my husband's.

He drives a truck and all he does is talk to and sext larger, unattractive older women. He has gone to counseling and 12-step meetings, and I've told him to get out numerous times. Nothing has helped.

I'm now getting to the point that I feel I can work again. Is it wrong for me to be making an exit plan for when my son from a previous marriage turns 18? -- TURNS THE WRONG HEADS

DEAR TURNS: If I told you it was wrong, would you stop doing it and remain in an unhappy marriage? I doubt it. If your husband is attracted to other women and acting on it, you should absolutely prepare yourself for the day you declare your independence. It's far more sensible than being unprepared.

DEAR ABBY: My brother got married a year ago after dating for less than a year. His wife started calling my parents Mom and Dad from the get-go. I didn't realize how much it would bother me, but it does and, frankly, I resent her for it.

I'm very close to my parents, and I view our bond as sacred. To me, Mom and Dad aren't names you use lightly, to be cute or as a term of endearment. The relationship is earned and unique.

I would never think of calling my husband's parents Mom and Dad, and I don't feel that I'm offending them by not doing so. Is there a proper way to discuss this with my brother and sister-in-law without hurting feelings or creating tension? -- ANNOYED SISTER-IN-LAW

DEAR ANNOYED: Calm down and curb the attitude, because if you say anything you will appear to be jealous and petty. What your sister-in-law is doing is very common. Regardless of what she calls your parents, you are still their daughter and she is not. If they didn't like her calling them Mom and Dad, I'm sure they would let her know they preferred she choose something else.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a really great guy for five years. He is wonderful to my son and treats him as his own.

The problem is, I don't think I am capable of truly being in love with anyone. I care deeply about him -- as much as I am capable of loving. My question is, would it be unfair to him if I agree to marry him knowing he loves me more than I love him? -- TO MARRY OR NOT TO MARRY

DEAR T.M. OR N.T.M.: I'm not sure many couples love each other equally. More often one loves the other more. If you think you can be a good wife to this man, then marry him. Obviously, you have a high degree of compatibility, or he wouldn't be considering marriage to you.

DEAR ABBY: I find myself sometimes wanting to commit the most heinous of crimes. The desire to do this has been with me my entire life. I was sexually abused by my mother and oldest brother. While that's no excuse, I understand why I may be the way I am.

At 51, I have never committed any act against a young girl, but the desire is clearly there for me. The issue before me is that if I seek help for this problem, those who can provide it are required by law in this state to report me.

How am I to overcome these urges when no matter what I do I am considered guilty? -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You should be discussing these feelings with a licensed mental health professional. If fear that you will be arrested is what is holding you back, please be aware that if the urge or feeling is not directed at anyone in particular, a therapist is not required to report what you are confiding. However, if there is a direct threat toward a specific individual, it must be reported, even if it has not yet occurred.

DEAR ABBY: I have attended many events where the national anthem has been sung by an invited guest and many where it has been pre-recorded. When the national anthem is being sung live, is it disrespectful to the performer to sing along? Some people who sing along are off-key or sing so loud they drown out the performance for the unfortunate attendees seated near them. -- AUDREY IN ARIZONA

DEAR AUDREY: Our national anthem is notoriously difficult to sing, as many professionals have discovered to their embarrassment when they tried to perform it publicly. At large events during which the anthem is played, it is not uncommon for many of the audience members to be so filled with patriotic fervor that they join in. If memory serves me, the volume is usually so loud that no one can hear what's coming out of their mouths.

To the best of my knowledge, no rule of etiquette forbids anyone from singing along with Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Garth Brooks or Renee Fleming -- if they have the nerve to try.

DEAR ABBY: I am an old lady, happy I can still get around using a cane. I would like to thank the many people who take the extra time to open a door for me or hold it open longer so I can get through. I am grateful for their help, and being offered a place ahead of them in the checkout line is beyond appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

However, may I offer a suggestion to those helpful folks, often robust men, who want to do more? If I look unsteady, please DO NOT grab me by the arm and try to steer me like an empty bicycle! Instead, hold your arm out for me to lean on and allow me to do the navigating. It may be slow, but with your help, it will be safe. -- CARYL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CARYL: That's an excellent suggestion, and one I hope helpful readers of both sexes will pay attention to.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have no interest in body piercing (except our ears), but we have seen it on friends and are not impressed. However, our 44-year-old mom got her nipples pierced and has started wearing jewelry there!

Our parents are divorced and she's not in a relationship right now, so it's not to impress a man. She says she did it to feel good about herself, which makes no sense to us. She takes off her top to show her female friends when they come over, and we can see them literally roll their eyes, but she doesn't seem to notice.

She has now started showing off her piercings to OUR friends. I'm talking about girlfriends, but even so, we find this beyond embarrassing. They're polite to her face but laugh behind her back, and word about it has spread, which we find humiliating. I suppose we should be thankful that at least she hasn't pierced her most personal place to show off to our friends like we've seen some girls do.

We think some kind of midlife crisis or hormonal imbalance is causing her to act this way, but we wish she'd find a better outlet. If she wants to make a fool of herself in front of her friends, that's one thing. But we don't think she has the right to embarrass us in front of our friends! What can we do? -- EMBARRASSED IN THE WEST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I agree that what your mother has been doing is inappropriate. That she has done it among her friends is one thing, but for her to disrobe to show your friends her nipple piercings is wrong. She may do this because she wants to prove to them (or herself) that she's still young and "with-it." If that's the case, it's pathetic.

If you haven't told her that when she flashes your friends it's embarrassing and you want her to stop, you should. If she realizes she's making herself a laughingstock, she may stop. However, if she doesn't, then you and your sister will have to accept that you can't change her, and realize that what she's doing is no reflection on the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a "catfisher." I use a fake Facebook account with pictures of an attractive woman to attract men. I specifically target married or committed men. I talk to and flirt with them online to see how far they'll go. They often ask me for more pictures and invite me to meet somewhere for sex. I never give real information or meet any of them.

My question is, should I let the women these men are involved with know that their men are unfaithful or keep it to myself? -- KARMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR KARMA: How can you be concerned for the wives and girlfriends when YOU are the person providing the temptation? I think you would be better served if you worked on your own problem before you try to resolve the issues of people you have never met and never will.