DEAR ABBY: In 2004, my husband and I were contacted by a friend who had gotten into an abusive relationship and lost custody of her daughter. She asked us to go through social services and adopt her little girl, so at least she would know her baby was loved and well taken care of.

Long story short, we did everything we could, but in the end we lost our battle. The grandparents were involved and took over. It was heartbreaking after a year and a half of loving the girl to have to let her go.

My niece works at an ice cream shop and saw our precious one recently. Would it be wrong to contact her and her grandparents now that we know they are in town? I'd love to visit and form a relationship, but don't know if it would be appropriate. -- HURTING IN COLORADO

DEAR HURTING: Not knowing how bitter the "battle" to keep your friend's child was, it's hard to say how the grandparents will react if you reach out. I suppose it couldn't hurt to try -- but do it via a letter so they have the option of contacting you or not. Do NOT contact the girl without their permission, because they could perceive it as threatening.

DEAR ABBY: One of my co-workers, "Liz," lost her mother and an aunt to breast cancer. She had genetic testing done and found that she carries the breast cancer genes. As a precaution, she had a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy.

Since her surgery, she has been attending Relay For Life events and has been walking in the "survivor lap." There has been a huge backlash here in the office because people think Liz is misrepresenting herself as a cancer survivor. They are being cruel and calling her a liar, not so much to her face, but all over social media. I wonder if you think it is appropriate for her to call herself a survivor? -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Considering her family history and what genetic testing revealed about her chances of suffering the same fate as her mother and her aunt, what Liz did seems prudent to me. That her co-workers would trash her on social media is appalling. What horrible people they must be. I think the woman has suffered enough to walk a victory lap without being criticized for it -- don't you?

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 13 years. Of the two of us, I am the more organized. Before we married, she warned me that she kept a messy bedroom. Well, that has been confirmed!

Recently we had an argument about her clothes. After two weeks of her clean clothes lying on the floor and my asking her to pick them up, I took matters into my own hands. She caught me in the act and we both vented our frustrations. I explained that my environment affects my peace of mind. She called me "controlling."

I'm not sure how to compromise and resolve this. I want to keep a clean house. She wants me to leave her things alone. Any suggestions? -- READY TO THROW IN THE TOWEL

DEAR READY: Yes -- separate bedrooms.

DEAR ABBY: One of my close friends may be "ghosting" me. "Sarah" and I have known each other since middle school. We went to high school together and roomed together during our freshman year of college. We both transferred to different schools after that freshman year, but we made it a point to keep in touch. I was the first person she came out to. I helped her move into her new apartment the summer before grad school. In general, I think I've been a good friend to her.

Last summer we both moved back to our hometown -- she for med school and I for a new job. I was excited that after five years we were living in the same city again. I have reached out to her on multiple occasions, but my texts and calls usually go unanswered. When I do get a response, it's typically, "Sorry! I'm just too swamped!"

I don't doubt that med school is incredibly difficult, and I completely understand that that's where her focus should be, but over the holidays I reached out once again and was given the same answer. I know she made time to see another friend -- her best, who ranks higher than I do in the "who to see" list. It still hurt.

Am I being too sensitive? Too self-centered? I'm worried that this is Sarah's way of breaking ties with me and I'm just not taking the hint. An outsider's point of view would really help, even if it's a harsh truth. -- LEFT HANGING IN MIAMI

DEAR LEFT HANGING: When people are in med school, they must carefully organize their time because the curriculum is demanding. Things that are not essential are often postponed, and that includes social relationships.

As you said, you and Sarah are not as close as Sarah and her best friend are. While it may sting, look at it as a mature adult and don't let it drag you down. If Sarah says she's "swamped," have faith that when she's under less pressure, there will be time to re-establish the friendship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband does not seem to be able to "hit the toilet," if you know what I mean. I am tired of wiping up the bottom of the toilet seat and the floor. We have talked about this and he always says he's sorry and promises to be more careful. Today I told him that I am no longer cleaning up the toilet seat or the floor. He misses, he cleans.

What advice do you have to solve this problem? -- BETTER THINGS TO DO IN NEW YORK

DEAR BETTER THINGS: Keep a roll of paper towels or an extra roll of toilet paper on top of the toilet. When you see your husband's aim has been sloppy, call him in and have him mop up his mess. If that doesn't get him to pay more attention, and there is a second bathroom in your home, have him use the other one until he is housebroken.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a six-year relationship with a woman. We shared a home and have a child together, whom I support. She has primary custody, and I provide financial support and exercise my visitations regularly.

We broke up six months ago and she immediately moved a man into the house. Since they split up, she has done this again with a new person.

I have moved on and am content being single and focusing on my career and parenting my son when he's with me. Where I struggle is when these new men want to meet me. I don't feel obligated to shake their hands, be polite and friendly or be a supportive, smiling face.

I'm disturbed by the speed she moves into other relationships. I feel like it sets a bad example for my son regardless of how "nice" these men are. There is no record of abuse, and I do believe my ex is a good mother, just maybe lonely and very dependent on having companionship.

I understand life goes on and people move on, but at what point is this unhealthy? Am I wrong for not wanting to be friends with my ex and her new "guy friend" whenever she decides she should be accompanied for custody exchange? I refuse to speak to or acknowledge these men. I am not confrontational, but I literally have nothing to say. Any advice how to handle this moving forward? -- FAKING SMILES

DEAR FAKING SMILES: I subscribe to the philosophy that one can never have enough friends. You don't have to approve of your ex's boyfriends, but it is in your child's best interest to maintain a relationship that approximates cordiality. It won't hurt you to shake hands and be on a first-name basis with the men who occupy space in your son's life even temporarily. When we can't change something, sometimes we have to accept it -- and that's what you would be wise to do.

DEAR ABBY: I'm sure there are many others who would like to know this: I'm trying to downsize. I have a World Book Encyclopedia set from the '70s, plus yearbooks I'd like to find a home for. My kids are gone and living on their own, and the books haven't been opened in years. I refuse to throw them in the recycling bin. Any ideas? -- JOY IN NEW YORK

DEAR JOY: I did a quick search online to see what other people might be doing with their old encyclopedias. A solution popped up that might help you: Immigrants who are learning English as a second language may be able to use them if you offer them in a yard sale. A high school in your area might also be able to use them.