DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a poor family on a farm in the South. I worked very hard during my childhood. Throughout my childhood, I was told I was a "bad girl" who always did the wrong things or who would never stop talking. When I was 16, I moved more than 1,000 miles away. My mother happily drove me to the airport to go and live with my 21-year-old boyfriend.

I am 29 now and still live more than 1,000 miles away. To this day, when I try to discuss (with my mother) why she sent me away so young, she tells me I was "too difficult of a child" and that was what I wanted, so she signed me over at the end of 10th grade before summer break. I will never forget how happy she was to drop me off at the airport.

I wasn't the greatest child, I know. I know I was bad. Can 16-year-olds choose where and with whom they live? Or should the parents make those decisions? Please help me. -- LOST AND LONELY

DEAR LOST AND LONELY: It's a shame that when babies emerge they don't bring with them a set of detailed instructions. You appear to be the daughter of a woman who didn't know how to be a good mother.

Children who receive positive reinforcement for good behavior are usually better behaved than those who have it drilled into them from a young age that they are "bad." When that happens, a child begins to believe what the parent is saying and act on it.

While some 16-year-olds are mature enough to decide where and with whom they want to live, it is usually with a relative or qualified guardian and not a boyfriend. However, from reading your letter, I can't escape the feeling that what's really bothering you is the idea that, by giving in to your wishes, your mother rejected you. To work that through, you may need the help of a licensed therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am a girl in my junior year of high school. My boyfriend of three years is very good to me, affectionate, attentive and very good looking. I don't think he cheats on me, but he does have serious flatulence. He thinks it's hilarious and does it in public just to embarrass me to death. He also does it at the end of lovemaking, which I think is gross and he thinks is the funniest thing in the world.

Abby, he's the only serious boyfriend I have ever had. Are all guys this gross and inappropriate? It's putting a serious damper on how I feel about him. Please help me to save our relationship. -- TIRED OF NATURAL GAS IN FLORIDA

DEAR TIRED: Your boyfriend's problem isn't his flatulence; it's his immaturity. Young children think flatulence is fall-down funny, but they usually outgrow the kind of humor you describe by the time they reach his age.

Tell him what he's doing isn't funny to you, that it is making you think less of him and will be a deal-breaker if he doesn't stop. If you do, it may save the relationship -- unless you want to continue being the girlfriend of the class clown. (Or should I say, "NO-class clown"?)

DEAR ABBY: I have just separated from my wife. I don't plan on dating anytime soon, but I will eventually.

I have a disease that caused my immune system to destroy my liver cells. There is no way to predict whether my liver will fail in five days or five years. Would it be wrong to date knowing I have this disease? There is no cure, just a liver transplant if my liver fails completely.

Also, if it's OK to date, when should I tell someone about my illness? I have no friends because at some point they will see me jaundiced and sick, and I would have to burden them with my health issues or lie. -- NEWLY SEPARATED IN MONTANA

DEAR NEWLY SEPARATED: You are allowing your illness to rule your life, and that's not a prescription that's healthy for anyone. Many people suffer from health problems, but they don't cut themselves off from relationships as you have.

Yes, you can date. If it looks like there could be a future, you should bring up the subject of your health at that time. But in the meantime, my advice is to make every effort to enjoy the time you have.

DEAR ABBY: In my mother's opinion, I have a problem. I have prominent nipples that show through shirts. I wear a padded bra, but it doesn't help. I don't want to wear a heavier padded bra because I am big-busted already.

Honestly, the situation doesn't bother me. It's part of being me and no different than having a unibrow or ears that stick out. It's not sexual. Should I worry about what others think about this? -- MY EYES ARE UP HERE!

DEAR UP HERE: No. As you are probably already aware, anyone's nipples can become rigid if there's a change in the temperature. It doesn't necessarily signal arousal. If you are comfortable, then keep dressing the way you do. This appears to be your mother's problem. Do not let her anxiety rub off on you.

DEAR ABBY: As an older male retiree, I frequently encounter people at social gatherings who tilt their heads back, narrow their eyes and ask, "Exactly what was it that you did at XYZ Corporation?" When they find out I was what they consider to be "just a paper-pusher," they abruptly turn their backs and walk away. Can you suggest an appropriate response to this form of snobbery? -- PAPER-PUSHER IN ARIZONA

DEAR PAPER-PUSHER: When someone asks that question, you might smile and respond, "You know, I'm having such a great time in retirement, I can't really recall what I did there!" Or, if you're feeling mischievous, you could call out after the person, "Just kidding! I was the CEO." And if the person turns to come back, turn YOUR back and walk away because, if your perception is correct, you have been conversing with someone who has terrible manners and no class.

DEAR ABBY: Why is there so much angst today over raising children, especially in young mothers? I don't remember my mother or my friends' mothers being so concerned about whether or not they were doing a good job, and I certainly didn't gather with my daughters' friends' moms to bemoan whether I was a bad mother.

Now there are all these blogs and workshops, etc. on how to be the "best" mom, and all these lifestyle gurus who constantly tell them not to worry, they're doing a great job. It just seems like a bunch of nonsense to me.

I think it's because a generation or so back, moms began to elevate their children to top priority in the family over their husbands. What's your take? -- PUZZLED GRANDMA IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PUZZLED: The world is different today. Many women feel torn because they want or need to work, while at the same time feel pressured to help their children succeed in an increasingly competitive world. (Is the child academically prepared for kindergarten? Is the child able to work cooperatively with others? Is the school highly rated enough? What and how many extracurricular activities will boost their child's chances of excelling?)

While it may seem like nonsense to you, I assure you it does not seem like nonsense to them. Women of your generation didn't second-guess themselves because parenting a generation ago was simpler. If children seem to be the No. 1 priority these days it may be because both parents feel driven to succeed and are determined that their children will, too.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 11 years. We are financially and emotionally stable. We recently became friendly with another couple who are newly married and not as financially secure as we are. They spend frivolously.

When we go on vacation, they invite themselves along and assume they are staying in our travel trailer without asking (they have their own trailer they could bring). They don't offer to help pay for gas. The last trip we took, the wife cooked only one meal, while I prepared the rest for a three-day trip. This upcoming trip, they haven't offered to bring anything.

We don't mind sharing what we have and helping our friends out, but what we are starting to resent is the assumption that because we make more money, we'll pick up the tab for everything. Are we wrong to feel this way? My husband and I both see this the same way. -- STARTING TO RESENT THEM

DEAR STARTING TO RESENT THEM: It's not wrong to not want to be taken advantage of. This wouldn't be happening if you had established some rules in the beginning, but it isn't too late to do it now.

Call the wife. Tell her what you expect her and her husband to bring on the next trip, and what chores they will be expected to perform. It isn't fair that you are doing all the work and paying for everything while they are on your vacation.

They should provide -- or pay for -- half the groceries, half the gas, and share any housekeeping responsibilities. Ditto if you go to a restaurant. And the next time they tell you they are coming with you on your vacation, don't hesitate or feel guilty when you reply, "We'd like some privacy this time, so it will just be the two of us."