DEAR ABBY: I have been working for four years. I need to work to help my husband financially. However, over the last few months, I've felt torn about not being a stay-at-home mom.

My grandmother, who is in her 70s, has been taking care of my son full time while I work, but her health isn't the greatest now. I don't trust any of the day care in my area and can't afford one anyway.

I really want to be a stay-at-home mom, but still feel obligated to help bring in money. How do I get over my guilt for not wanting to work outside the home full time? -- STUCK IN DELAWARE

DEAR STUCK: You are not the only mother who feels this kind of ambivalence. Many others are as torn as you are.

Perhaps it would help if you focus harder on thinking about this rationally rather than emotionally. When your grandmother's health no longer allows her to care for your son, you may have to cut back on your schedule to be with him -- or your husband may need to take a second job. Also, some people manage to work from home, and you may want to explore those opportunities.

DEAR ABBY: My son is more than likely going to win a trip to the Dominican Republic through his employer. He's planning to take his wife with him. Their two children will stay with me or their other grandma.

With the way the world is now, I wouldn't go on a vacation with my husband, fly to another country and leave my children behind. I would let him go alone so that in case something happens, my kids would have at least one parent left.

I understand that we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take logical precautions. My children would be more important to me than a vacation. What is your opinion on this? -- LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD

DEAR LIVING: My opinion is that you should stay out of it, and let your son and daughter-in-law enjoy that hard-earned vacation. If they were visiting a country where the threat level was high, I might think differently. However, to repeat what you said in your letter, "we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do" because we are afraid of what "might" happen. That's not living; it is hiding.

DEAR ABBY: I love attending religious services on Sundays and the Communion during them. I quit drinking alcohol almost 18 months ago. Our church serves wine (not grape juice) during Communion, and I have been told not to drink ANYTHING alcoholic. How do I cope with this situation? -- SOBER AND PROUD OF IT

DEAR SOBER: Congratulations on your sobriety. This is something to discuss with your clergyperson. If you have been warned that tasting the Communion wine could sabotage your sobriety, perhaps you should consider partaking only of the bread.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old male who reads your column regularly. I usually see people asking for advice about their concerns, so I figured I would send you something different.

My wife and I have been married three months now, after living together for a year. Prior to that, we dated exclusively for three years. Abby, she's my world. We took it slow, had fun and discovered each other and ourselves. We discussed our todays and tomorrows, our hopes and dreams, our fears and misgivings, and put together a solid foundation on which to build our future. We live in the present, look forward to tomorrow and consider yesterday a gift with fond memories and lots of laughter.

We have earned each other. We have worked hard for each other. Yes, we have had our share of trying times and difficult days, but we took our time and worked out our issues as a team and as equals -- with respect, courtesy and love. We didn't rush anything, and still don't to this day. We are totally loving being together! -- LOUISVILLE LOVER

DEAR LOVER: I wish you and your wife many, many more happy years together. Thank you for an upper of a letter. I can't think of a more appropriate message to print on Valentine's Day.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a gym that is wonderful. It has great facilities and extensive services included in the fee that encourage lots of family activities. Among the facilities are family changing rooms, which are rarely used. Because of this, I am reduced to a Monday-to-Friday schedule because on weekends many fathers bring their little girls into the male changing room (infants to 4 years of age). Today I gave it a shot and went to the gym only to encounter a dad and daughter in the male changing room, buck naked. Is this the new normal, Abby? -- NOT A DAD IN BALTIMORE

DEAR NOT A DAD: Whether it's the new normal is beside the point. If you prefer not to encounter a child of the opposite sex in the men's changing room, you should discuss this with the manager of the gym or change at home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm puzzled. When was Valentine's Day designated as a day for females only? I have always been under the impression that Feb. 14 is a day of love! I sent my late husband flowers at work one year, and when the delivery man arrived at his office, the women all rushed over to the door only to find out they were for him. My husband told me that from the look on their faces they were astonished.

Perhaps you should remind women to spoil their men on Valentine's Day and not just expect something from them. The guys need love, too. -- LOVING WIFE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVING WIFE: I agree that Valentine's Day should be celebrated on an equal basis. Couples who last are those who make an effort to show each other they love each other every day.

Readers, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. I deeply appreciate the relationship I have with all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and in my sophomore year of college. A month ago, my family went through some major hardships. It came out that "Uncle Mark" has been cheating on my aunt for years and is moving his mistress to our area. They have two children, a son in elementary school and a daughter, "Dana," 13.

I feel bad for my aunt, but I'm absolutely devastated for Dana. My Uncle Mark has skipped all of her school events in the wake of this mess, and I can't begin to imagine how disappointed Dana must feel. Uncle Mark is a sociopath. He feels no empathy, manipulates others and has a sadistic streak. Dana was not close to her dad, but since this mess began she's even less so.

Abby, I don't want my cousin to feel like she's alone. Since I'm an older teenager, she looks up to me. How can I be supportive, and not intrude in this delicate situation? -- SUPPORTIVE COUSIN IN MAINE

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: You are kind to want to help. Your cousin is probably experiencing a range of emotions because of the turmoil that's going on around her family. The kindest thing to do would be to spend time with her when your schedule permits and allow her to vent when she needs to, because she will.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 10-year-old girl. I'm good at math and very intelligent. I have two questions: When I'm alone in a dark room, I feel like I have to run out of the room. Why?

My second question is, what kind of job can you get without going to college? -- SMART SOUTHERN GIRL

DEAR SMART SOUTHERN GIRL: Many people of every age -- especially children and the elderly -- have a fear of the dark. That's why parents use small night lights in their children's bedrooms and gadgets like The Clapper are popular.

Adults may be afraid of tripping or running into furniture. Teens who watch scary movies develop a fear of the dark because they imagine a "monster" is lurking out of sight who might harm them. The solution can be as simple as keeping a night light on or switching a light on as you enter a darkened area.

As to what kind of job a person can find without going to college, discuss this with a counselor at your school. College may not be for everyone, but I don't think it's likely you'll get a well-paying job without some advanced education -- if not in a college, then in an apprenticeship program or a trade school with a proven high job placement record.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been having a huge disagreement lately. Since we can't seem to settle it, I'm asking for your help. I say that because tomatoes are technically fruits, ketchup is a smoothie. She disagrees because tomatoes are the only fruit in ketchup. Please tell me -- is ketchup a smoothie? And if so, why? -- SPENCER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SPENCER: Your question is a first. In my opinion, ketchup is more a puree than a smoothie. "Smoothie" suggests a beverage that's drinkable, and I don't think ketchup qualifies.