DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old male who reads your column regularly. I usually see people asking for advice about their concerns, so I figured I would send you something different.

My wife and I have been married three months now, after living together for a year. Prior to that, we dated exclusively for three years. Abby, she's my world. We took it slow, had fun and discovered each other and ourselves. We discussed our todays and tomorrows, our hopes and dreams, our fears and misgivings, and put together a solid foundation on which to build our future. We live in the present, look forward to tomorrow and consider yesterday a gift with fond memories and lots of laughter.

We have earned each other. We have worked hard for each other. Yes, we have had our share of trying times and difficult days, but we took our time and worked out our issues as a team and as equals -- with respect, courtesy and love. We didn't rush anything, and still don't to this day. We are totally loving being together! -- LOUISVILLE LOVER

DEAR LOVER: I wish you and your wife many, many more happy years together. Thank you for an upper of a letter. I can't think of a more appropriate message to print on Valentine's Day.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a gym that is wonderful. It has great facilities and extensive services included in the fee that encourage lots of family activities. Among the facilities are family changing rooms, which are rarely used. Because of this, I am reduced to a Monday-to-Friday schedule because on weekends many fathers bring their little girls into the male changing room (infants to 4 years of age). Today I gave it a shot and went to the gym only to encounter a dad and daughter in the male changing room, buck naked. Is this the new normal, Abby? -- NOT A DAD IN BALTIMORE

DEAR NOT A DAD: Whether it's the new normal is beside the point. If you prefer not to encounter a child of the opposite sex in the men's changing room, you should discuss this with the manager of the gym or change at home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm puzzled. When was Valentine's Day designated as a day for females only? I have always been under the impression that Feb. 14 is a day of love! I sent my late husband flowers at work one year, and when the delivery man arrived at his office, the women all rushed over to the door only to find out they were for him. My husband told me that from the look on their faces they were astonished.

Perhaps you should remind women to spoil their men on Valentine's Day and not just expect something from them. The guys need love, too. -- LOVING WIFE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVING WIFE: I agree that Valentine's Day should be celebrated on an equal basis. Couples who last are those who make an effort to show each other they love each other every day.

Readers, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. I deeply appreciate the relationship I have with all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and in my sophomore year of college. A month ago, my family went through some major hardships. It came out that "Uncle Mark" has been cheating on my aunt for years and is moving his mistress to our area. They have two children, a son in elementary school and a daughter, "Dana," 13.

I feel bad for my aunt, but I'm absolutely devastated for Dana. My Uncle Mark has skipped all of her school events in the wake of this mess, and I can't begin to imagine how disappointed Dana must feel. Uncle Mark is a sociopath. He feels no empathy, manipulates others and has a sadistic streak. Dana was not close to her dad, but since this mess began she's even less so.

Abby, I don't want my cousin to feel like she's alone. Since I'm an older teenager, she looks up to me. How can I be supportive, and not intrude in this delicate situation? -- SUPPORTIVE COUSIN IN MAINE

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: You are kind to want to help. Your cousin is probably experiencing a range of emotions because of the turmoil that's going on around her family. The kindest thing to do would be to spend time with her when your schedule permits and allow her to vent when she needs to, because she will.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 10-year-old girl. I'm good at math and very intelligent. I have two questions: When I'm alone in a dark room, I feel like I have to run out of the room. Why?

My second question is, what kind of job can you get without going to college? -- SMART SOUTHERN GIRL

DEAR SMART SOUTHERN GIRL: Many people of every age -- especially children and the elderly -- have a fear of the dark. That's why parents use small night lights in their children's bedrooms and gadgets like The Clapper are popular.

Adults may be afraid of tripping or running into furniture. Teens who watch scary movies develop a fear of the dark because they imagine a "monster" is lurking out of sight who might harm them. The solution can be as simple as keeping a night light on or switching a light on as you enter a darkened area.

As to what kind of job a person can find without going to college, discuss this with a counselor at your school. College may not be for everyone, but I don't think it's likely you'll get a well-paying job without some advanced education -- if not in a college, then in an apprenticeship program or a trade school with a proven high job placement record.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been having a huge disagreement lately. Since we can't seem to settle it, I'm asking for your help. I say that because tomatoes are technically fruits, ketchup is a smoothie. She disagrees because tomatoes are the only fruit in ketchup. Please tell me -- is ketchup a smoothie? And if so, why? -- SPENCER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SPENCER: Your question is a first. In my opinion, ketchup is more a puree than a smoothie. "Smoothie" suggests a beverage that's drinkable, and I don't think ketchup qualifies.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father who has recently remarried. I have parenting time with my children one weeknight and every other weekend.

My children have told me that during the week they prefer doing their homework at their mother's home. They say that by the time I pick them up, prepare dinner and they start their homework, it's already time to return to their mother's. They are at ages where homework assignments can take several hours.

My ex is OK with me spending time with them at her home. She uses the time to run errands and do other things she may not have time for during the week. When there's no school, I bring the kids to our house. All weekend parenting time takes place at my home.

The problem is, my present wife can't stand that I spend time with my children at my ex's home. She doesn't understand why I won't bring them here. I feel there's ample opportunity on the weekends for my kids to be at our house and for her to build a relationship with them. Academics are crucial at this point in their lives.

So -- do I disrupt their homework to accommodate my wife? Or should I continue the arrangement that my kids, my former wife and I have established? -- PARENTING TIME IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PARENTING TIME: It appears you have married a woman who is insecure. Your children's reasons for wanting to stay at their mother's during the week seem valid. You didn't mention how long you and wife No. 2 have been married, but if it's a brand-new marriage, point out that during school breaks and summer vacation she will have the midweek time to bond with your children that she's craving.

DEAR ABBY: My employer hosted a professional development workshop on workplace etiquette and conduct related to gender and personal identity. The facilitator told us to make sure we always use the gender pronoun preferred by the person we are talking to or about. But she didn't give any guidance about how to know what those pronouns are if it's not clear from someone's outward appearance. Additionally, I have learned I'm not very good at guessing.

Is there a polite way to ask someone if they prefer to be called he or she? What about people who don't use either? It seems like there's a lot of opportunity to offend someone. I'd hate to upset anyone by using the wrong pronoun, but I also don't want to admit to the person that I can't tell if he or she is a man or woman. It's like walking in a minefield. -- WHAT'S RIGHT?

DEAR WHAT'S RIGHT: This is such new territory, it may take a while for the general public to adjust. However, the person's name should be a clue about which gender he or she identifies with. While I wouldn't recommend asking what gender the person is, it wouldn't be inappropriate to use the word "they" when speaking about the person because that pronoun is being used more in the singular.