DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and in my sophomore year of college. A month ago, my family went through some major hardships. It came out that "Uncle Mark" has been cheating on my aunt for years and is moving his mistress to our area. They have two children, a son in elementary school and a daughter, "Dana," 13.

I feel bad for my aunt, but I'm absolutely devastated for Dana. My Uncle Mark has skipped all of her school events in the wake of this mess, and I can't begin to imagine how disappointed Dana must feel. Uncle Mark is a sociopath. He feels no empathy, manipulates others and has a sadistic streak. Dana was not close to her dad, but since this mess began she's even less so.

Abby, I don't want my cousin to feel like she's alone. Since I'm an older teenager, she looks up to me. How can I be supportive, and not intrude in this delicate situation? -- SUPPORTIVE COUSIN IN MAINE

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: You are kind to want to help. Your cousin is probably experiencing a range of emotions because of the turmoil that's going on around her family. The kindest thing to do would be to spend time with her when your schedule permits and allow her to vent when she needs to, because she will.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 10-year-old girl. I'm good at math and very intelligent. I have two questions: When I'm alone in a dark room, I feel like I have to run out of the room. Why?

My second question is, what kind of job can you get without going to college? -- SMART SOUTHERN GIRL

DEAR SMART SOUTHERN GIRL: Many people of every age -- especially children and the elderly -- have a fear of the dark. That's why parents use small night lights in their children's bedrooms and gadgets like The Clapper are popular.

Adults may be afraid of tripping or running into furniture. Teens who watch scary movies develop a fear of the dark because they imagine a "monster" is lurking out of sight who might harm them. The solution can be as simple as keeping a night light on or switching a light on as you enter a darkened area.

As to what kind of job a person can find without going to college, discuss this with a counselor at your school. College may not be for everyone, but I don't think it's likely you'll get a well-paying job without some advanced education -- if not in a college, then in an apprenticeship program or a trade school with a proven high job placement record.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been having a huge disagreement lately. Since we can't seem to settle it, I'm asking for your help. I say that because tomatoes are technically fruits, ketchup is a smoothie. She disagrees because tomatoes are the only fruit in ketchup. Please tell me -- is ketchup a smoothie? And if so, why? -- SPENCER IN ARIZONA

DEAR SPENCER: Your question is a first. In my opinion, ketchup is more a puree than a smoothie. "Smoothie" suggests a beverage that's drinkable, and I don't think ketchup qualifies.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced father who has recently remarried. I have parenting time with my children one weeknight and every other weekend.

My children have told me that during the week they prefer doing their homework at their mother's home. They say that by the time I pick them up, prepare dinner and they start their homework, it's already time to return to their mother's. They are at ages where homework assignments can take several hours.

My ex is OK with me spending time with them at her home. She uses the time to run errands and do other things she may not have time for during the week. When there's no school, I bring the kids to our house. All weekend parenting time takes place at my home.

The problem is, my present wife can't stand that I spend time with my children at my ex's home. She doesn't understand why I won't bring them here. I feel there's ample opportunity on the weekends for my kids to be at our house and for her to build a relationship with them. Academics are crucial at this point in their lives.

So -- do I disrupt their homework to accommodate my wife? Or should I continue the arrangement that my kids, my former wife and I have established? -- PARENTING TIME IN NEBRASKA

DEAR PARENTING TIME: It appears you have married a woman who is insecure. Your children's reasons for wanting to stay at their mother's during the week seem valid. You didn't mention how long you and wife No. 2 have been married, but if it's a brand-new marriage, point out that during school breaks and summer vacation she will have the midweek time to bond with your children that she's craving.

DEAR ABBY: My employer hosted a professional development workshop on workplace etiquette and conduct related to gender and personal identity. The facilitator told us to make sure we always use the gender pronoun preferred by the person we are talking to or about. But she didn't give any guidance about how to know what those pronouns are if it's not clear from someone's outward appearance. Additionally, I have learned I'm not very good at guessing.

Is there a polite way to ask someone if they prefer to be called he or she? What about people who don't use either? It seems like there's a lot of opportunity to offend someone. I'd hate to upset anyone by using the wrong pronoun, but I also don't want to admit to the person that I can't tell if he or she is a man or woman. It's like walking in a minefield. -- WHAT'S RIGHT?

DEAR WHAT'S RIGHT: This is such new territory, it may take a while for the general public to adjust. However, the person's name should be a clue about which gender he or she identifies with. While I wouldn't recommend asking what gender the person is, it wouldn't be inappropriate to use the word "they" when speaking about the person because that pronoun is being used more in the singular.

DEAR ABBY: "Roger" and I have been seeing each other for two years. (We are both 50.) He is very handsome. We go to movies, ride our bikes together, work out at the gym and attend other events. He calls me every night, sends emails during the day -- even calls me when he's on a break from work.

He never asks me to pay for anything and sends me flowers on special occasions. He will kiss me goodnight, but he has never held my hand or been affectionate in any other way. People we see think we're married or seriously dating and have asked about it. He tells them we just "hang out" and that he's just a friend.

Roger says he's seeing only me, but he's on a dating website every night instant messaging younger women and talking to them for hours. I know it because one of my girlfriends is on the same site and checked it out for me.

My friend says Roger is a good companion and I should stay with it. But I'm attractive and accomplished. I think I deserve a fuller relationship with someone who is less platonic. Abby, what do you think? -- HANGING UP ON HANGING OUT

DEAR HANGING UP: Roger has made it no secret that he's comfortable with the relationship as it is and doesn't intend for it to progress. It appears the two of you are best friends. (Nowhere did you mention that you are in love with him.)

I do think that after all this time you should ask him why the relationship hasn't become sexual. The answer may be that Roger is impotent, asexual or he's just not interested in you that way. If that's OK with you, then continue what appears to be a pleasant relationship. However, if you need more -- and I think you do -- then it's time for you to move on.

DEAR ABBY: My mother won't stop nagging me about marriage. She insists that I "must" be married by the age of 22 and have kids by 25, which I think is inconceivable. Abby, I'm only 17. Marriage and boys are the last things on my mind.

I have told her that her "talks" make me uncomfortable and I don't plan on getting married anytime soon (if ever), but she won't let up. She keeps saying she knows she's right, and that when I'm 22 I'll thank her, which I know isn't going to happen. Other than this, she's great and we don't have any other problems.

She has been saying this a lot recently because I'm going off to college this year, and that's where she thinks I'll find a husband. How can I get through to her? -- VIRGIN TERRITORY

DEAR VIRGIN TERRITORY: It would be interesting to know why your mother feels this way. Could she have been born and raised in a culture in which early marriage and motherhood are expected of women?

With her mindset, I don't think you will "win" an argument with her over this. Be patient with her and when she raises the subject, point out that women of your generation are expected to complete their education and be able to support themselves financially before they marry in case the need arises later (i.e. divorce or widowhood). It's a fact. Women in the United States -- particularly college-educated women -- are now marrying and having children later than they did a generation ago.