DEAR ABBY: Nine years ago I married a man who has a son from a previous marriage. "Eli" is now 26 and lives "on his own." While he may live under a different roof than his parents, they support him financially. My husband and I pay Eli's car insurance, cellphone bill, toll tag, life insurance policy and whatever other things come up (passport, gym membership). Eli's mom assists with all of his utility bills, in addition to depositing money in his account monthly. They even turned over Eli's 529 tuition account to him.

I have tried explaining to my husband that they are enabling Eli, and the umbilical cord should have been cut years ago. Eli has never earned more than $12,000 a year and has no desire to try because he has an endless flow of financial support. His dad is retired but continues to work in order to help Eli -- although he won't admit it.

This is straining our relationship because when I bring up this issue, he feels I am attacking his son. Am I unrealistic to expect an adult to support himself? -- SEEING CLEARLY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SEEING CLEARLY: Not at all. You are being rational. Your husband and his ex may be fostering their son's cycle of financial dependence out of a sense of guilt -- possibly because of their divorce. It may take counseling in order for him to understand that he and his ex are doing Eli no favors. Suggest it as part of marriage counseling to ease the strain on your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the process of downsizing. I have two black graduation gowns and caps in excellent condition. I wore them proudly as an adult college student not long ago, and hate the thought of them being thrown in a landfill or used as Halloween costumes.

There must be schools where some students have a financial hardship and can't afford to buy their graduation gowns. However, I don't know of any organizations in my area that have a gown reuse program. Perhaps your loyal readers will have ideas? -- DARLENE IN NEW YORK

DEAR DARLENE: I'm sure they will. But in the meantime, may I offer a couple of suggestions? Contact the administration at the high schools or community colleges in your area and ask if they could use the gowns. Or contact a local community theater group and volunteer to donate them to their costume department.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS: The Year of the Monkey begins today. A happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate it. People born in the Year of the Monkey are witty, intelligent and have magnetic personalities. Clever in financial matters and career, lively and versatile, gentle and kind, these traits make them ideal partners if you want an everlasting love life. However: They must watch their tempers and a tendency toward arrogance. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: During my childhood, my parents fought loudly and often. When I was 12, they spoke to my sister and me about getting a divorce. I was heartbroken and fought back.

Like any kid in that situation, I was upset and scared. I told them they were being selfish and irresponsible for breaking up our family when they were the ones who chose to have children in the first place. They ended up staying together and never mentioned the D-word again.

It's 15 years later; they have now been married for 40 years. When I'm around, I still hear them squabble, but nothing like when I was young. They obviously care about one another.

As an adult, I am plagued by guilt. Had I been older and wiser when they first contemplated divorce, I would have agreed that they were probably not a good match, and told them to do whatever they needed to be happy.

Did I do the wrong thing when I was young? Should I say something now or leave well enough alone? I feel I may have kept my parents in a loveless relationship, and while I'm happy they're still together, I can't help but wonder if I should have kept my mouth shut. I'd appreciate your opinion. -- REMORSEFUL IN THE SOUTH

DEAR REMORSEFUL: What you said when you were 12 may have affected your parents' decision about divorcing, but it was not the deciding factor. It may have slowed them down and made them think that as long as their children were minors, they should make a greater effort to keep the family intact. By the time you became an adult nine years ago they appear to have made peace and patched up their major differences. As you stated, "They obviously care about one another."

Because you carry feelings of guilt over this, if you feel comfortable enough to do so, talk to your parents about it. If not, then discuss it with a counselor because blaming yourself for reacting as any 12-year-old would is wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single parent of four children ages 5 to 13. I want to go back to school to better myself and make a better life for them because I am raising them on my own. I keep putting off going back because something always comes up. I'm afraid if I keep this up, then I'll never do it and will live with regret for the rest of my life.

I don't have a stable support system, and I work full time, so I'm also worried about having no time for my children, although I hardly have any now. Most days I feel like a bad parent and want to cry. What would you recommend I do? Can you help me push myself? -- WANTS NO REGRETS

DEAR WANTS NO REGRETS: Set goals for yourself. Explore career counseling at your nearest community college and ask for guidance about child care options. When you do, ask if you can take one or two classes a semester, rather than a full course load, and if any of the classes you need are held online. That way, you won't be spending a lot of time away from your children, and at the same time you'll be setting an example for them to follow about the importance of education.

DEAR ABBY: Every December my wife virtually buries our home in Christmas decorations. It's not just the tree and stockings in the living room; she's not happy until there are Christmas towels and Christmas soap in the bathroom and another tree and knicky-knacky stuff downstairs. Not even a doorknob is safe from decoration.

It drives me nuts; I feel so claustrophobic. I bump into these decorations everywhere I turn. I was raised differently, more simply. There was a tree in the living room and stockings hung from the mantel. That was it.

For the last 20 years of our marriage, I have suggested -- unsuccessfully -- that we compromise and alternate every other year. One year her way, the next mine. When I do, she tearfully accuses me of being Scrooge. I admit I'm not big on the commercialized Christmas season, but is my request unreasonable? -- NOT FOND OF CHRISTMAS IN NORTH OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR NOT FOND: No, it's not. You are suggesting meeting each other halfway. Your wife is unwilling to do that even though she knows what she's doing is making you uncomfortable. And that's regrettable because Christmas is supposed to be about what's in the heart, not what's all over the house.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female college student and I intern at a chemical plant. When I arrive at work, the middle-aged men start "working out" and flexing their muscles. Literally! It makes me uncomfortable. I want to tell them I'm not interested and they're making fools of themselves. Should I say something? They read your column. Help me out, please! -- THERE TO WORK

DEAR THERE TO WORK: Your middle-aged co-workers are acting like a group of teenaged boys. Continue to ignore them; you won't be there forever. However, if it escalates, you should discuss it with Human Resources.

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a disagreement I have with my husband and daughter. How do you determine "up the street" or "down the street"? I contend that it goes by the house numbers. They disagree. Any advice? -- CURIOUS IN NEW YORK

DEAR CURIOUS: According to Merriam Webster's Learner's Dictionary online: "In general, the prepositional phrases 'up the street' and 'down the street' mean the same thing, and in most cases either one is appropriate. ... However, if the street is on a hill, use 'up the street' when talking about something that is further uphill, and 'down the street' when it's further downhill."

My postman said that, in his opinion, "up the street" means in the direction of higher address numbers, and the reverse for lower ones -- so I'll defer to him and to you.