life

Woman on Egg Donor Registry Need Not Volunteer Her Status

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 3rd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently decided that I wanted to help an infertile couple conceive by becoming an egg donor. I'm well-educated and have a job I love. I understand the commitment both time-wise and emotionally. I am now part of a registry, and I could be selected for a donation at any time.

Like other young women, I am dating. However, I am conflicted about whether to tell my dates about my involvement with egg donation and if so, how. I understand that this is extremely personal, but at the same time I could have genetic offspring out there. Can you advise? -- HELPING OUT IN BATON ROUGE

DEAR HELPING OUT: I do not think it would be appropriate to share this information with any man you are seeing casually. However, if a relationship becomes serious, you should discuss it. A way to start the conversation would be to say, "It's said that the most meaningful gift a person can give is a gift of self. Well, I have taken it literally."

Etiquette & EthicsLove & Dating
life

Daughter Brings College Lifestyle Back Home to Mom's House

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 3rd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter, a recent college graduate, is back living at home. She has been bringing her boyfriends home and having sex in her room. I have a real problem with it. There are younger children living here. My husband is not aware of what goes on behind her closed doors at night. How should I handle this? -- STILL UNDER MY ROOF

DEAR STILL: If you prefer not to involve your husband in this, have a private chat with your daughter and tell her you are not comfortable with her entertaining her boyfriends in your home in the manner you have described. Tell her that if she wants to have sex, she should do it elsewhere -- but not under your roof with younger children nearby. Because it's your home, your rules should apply.

Family & Parenting
life

Boyfriend Worries That Altitude and Alcohol Don't Mix

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 3rd, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend of two years was offered the opportunity to travel to Nepal for a month-long stay. Leading up to the trip I tried not to be jealous, but I did say some childish things like, "You're leaving me for a mountain?" However, before she left, I told her I knew it was a great opportunity and that she should enjoy herself.

She emailed me a couple of nights ago about how she and two of her male guides went to a bar together where she got drunk. They plan on going to the club again later during the trip.

I trust my girlfriend, but I can't help but worry that she may be taken advantage of. I didn't mention my concerns and even encouraged her to go and have fun. But am I wrong to feel worried? Am I being insecure? -- LEFT AT HOME IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT AT HOME: You're not wrong to feel worried. Under the circumstances, it's only normal. Does your girlfriend drink at home? And if she does, how does it affect her? At high altitudes the effects of alcohol can be magnified.

It's one thing to be open-minded and quite another to be so open-minded your brains fall out. Rather than encourage her, you should have warned her to be careful because what she did was risky. As for feeling insecure, at this point you're entitled to feel that way.

Love & Dating
life

Neighbors' Neglected Dog Is Causing a Big Stink

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 2nd, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: We recently bought a new home and have discovered that our elderly neighbors are caring for their grandson's dog. The dog lives in a 3-by-6-foot area right next to our patio. The poor animal receives little attention and is rarely cleaned up after. As a consequence, our patio reeks of dog feces, and we are overwhelmed by flies.

I feel bad for the couple, and I resent the grandson for allowing his dog to be neglected and for failing to have any consideration for the stench that makes our patio off-limits to us. How can I politely ask my new neighbors to clean up after their dog so we can enjoy our new home without offending them or creating a bad neighbor situation? -- "SHOO FLY" IN BAKERSFIELD, CALIF.

DEAR SHOO FLY: If your neighbors are unable to properly care for their grandson's dog, they shouldn't have it. A dog is a responsibility -- the animal needs feeding, exercise, social contact and to be cleaned up after. To shirk that responsibility is cruel.

It would not be offensive to inform these neighbors that the odor and flies from their dog run are so overwhelming that they prevent you from enjoying your patio. Speak up, or they'll think you haven't noticed. If this continues, call animal control or a pet rescue group.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Threats of Suicide Keep Couple in Hostage Relationship

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 2nd, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a rocky relationship for 10 months, and I'm not sure how you get out. I have tried multiple times to leave, but every time I tell her, she begs me not to, says horrible things and threatens to kill herself. She says she'll never be happy again, that I "always do this" and it hurts her so much. It makes me feel so bad I just give in and give her what she wants.

She doesn't trust me. I have to give her all of my passwords and she checks my phone daily. She has to know everything I'm doing, and if I don't tell her, look out! The next world war is going to happen. I have told her many times that if she can't trust me, there's no way we can be together because it will make a miserable life for both of us.

Her constant worrying whether I'm going to leave her is starting to get to me. I really can't take this anymore. I have considered some extreme things to get out because I'm so unhappy, and I know she is, too. I have tried everything. Please help me. -- STUCK IN A NIGHTMARE

DEAR STUCK: It is time you realize that you can't fix what's wrong with this woman. Her insecurities are a bottomless pit. You have described a hostage relationship, not a loving one.

So pack your things and get out of there NOW. If she threatens suicide and you know how to contact her family, alert them after you have gone. But do not pause, do not explain and do not look back. Your safety and your sanity depend upon it.

Mental HealthLove & Dating
life

Gay Father Must Find Way to Share Son's Parenting

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2016 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Steve" is in his mid-20s and became a father a few months ago. He's happy and excited about it, and he's good with the baby. He has been living with the mother, "Nina," who is a few years older, for a while now. Nina is also a friend of mine, and this is her second child.

My problem is that Steve told me some time before his son was born that he thinks he is gay. He wants to wait until Nina recovers from the pregnancy and finds a job before he tells her. I know he intends on being as big a part of the child's life as possible.

As much as I don't want Nina to be a single mother twice over, it doesn't seem good for her, Steve or the children to stay in a sham relationship. How can he break the news to her in a way that won't jeopardize his chance to be a father to his son? -- CONCERNED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CONCERNED: This will have to be handled delicately because Nina may be clueless about Steve's sexual orientation. Expect her to be hurt and furious when she gets the news. It was reckless of Steve to have had unprotected sex with Nina under these circumstances.

That said, gay men can be great parents, and the focus should be on successful co-parenting of the child. If Steve were straight and found another woman, or fell out of love with Nina, it would affect the relationship in much the same way as his realization that he is gay. In either of those scenarios, the baby must be raised with love and consistency, whether the parents are coupled or not.

Steve's moral responsibility to his son will last forever. Gay or straight, Steve will always be that child's father. His financial responsibility will last until the boy is no longer a minor. If your friend encounters trouble achieving a workable solution with Nina regarding co-parenting, he should contact lambdalegal.org. Lambda Legal is a national organization committed to achieving full recognition of the civil rights of LGBT people.

Family & ParentingSex & Gender
life

Marriage of Convenience Provides Health Care for Wife

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | February 1st, 2016 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am dating an awesome man who happens to be married. He and his wife have been separated for 10 years and they still talk to each other, but they are not living together.

"Mr. Right" is retired from the military and says they are still married because of her health issues and the fact that she can't afford health care on her own. Should we continue to see each other? -- HIS HONEY IN HOUSTON

DEAR HONEY: If you are satisfied with the relationship, enjoy it for what it is. But if you aspire to anything more, this man is not in a position to give it to you. (Instead of referring to him as "Mr. Right," it might be more accurate to call him "Mr. Right for Now.")

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating

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