DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jimmy," and I have been together for two years. After about four months, out of necessity we moved in together and it was great.

Not long afterward I got a job two hours away. Since I moved, we get to see each other only every two or three weeks. The separation has been tough, but when we're together, everything is perfect and all is right with the world. I feel we were fated to be together.

Before the move, Jimmy and I often talked about marriage, and although I am not crazy about it, I knew it meant a lot to him, so I proposed (ring and all). He initially said yes, then sort of asked me to take back my proposal. Since then, he has been avoiding all discussions about our future, and I don't know what to do.

I'm willing to quit my job and go back to be with him, but I'm scared he's going to get cold feet. Obviously, I'm hopelessly in love with him, but now I'm feeling lost and confused. -- HOURS APART IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HOURS APART: Please allow me to offer some clarity. Do not quit your job because if you do, you may find yourself not only without a job but also without a place to stay.

When someone (man or woman) asks that a proposal be rescinded, it usually means the person feels he or she may have jumped the gun by saying yes. Jimmy is avoiding all discussion about your future because he doesn't want one, and he's afraid to say it directly because he knows it will hurt your feelings.

For your own sake, have an honest conversation with him about this. It may be painful, but it will be better than living in limbo the way you are. As the saying goes, "When a door closes, another one opens."

DEAR ABBY: Last Friday was Grandparents' Day at my kids' preschool. My parents attended and were well-behaved for the most part, but then my mother made a faux pas. She asked one of the directors when her baby was due. Well, Abby, the woman isn't pregnant.

When I picked up my kids, I had no idea what had happened. The director was having a conversation with one of the teachers when I walked in, so as usual I smiled and waved as I walked by. I did sense something was off when she didn't respond, but I figured she was preoccupied. When we met my parents for dinner, my mother told me what happened.

I am mortified. I managed to make it out of the preschool this morning without crossing paths with the director, but I'll be seeing this woman for the next couple of years. What, if anything, do I say to her? -- HORRIFIED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR HORRIFIED: You did nothing wrong, so stop avoiding the woman and behave as you usually do. IF you notice that she treats you differently, all you should say is: "I heard what happened with my mother, and I'd like to apologize for her behavior. As you can see, she sometimes puts her foot in her mouth, but we love her anyway."

DEAR ABBY: I live in Israel, and for the past five years I've been having an affair with a great guy I'll call Yuri. I married very young to a man who is kind and very Orthodox. I love my children and grandchildren.

Yuri thinks we should leave our spouses and make a fresh start. (I'm not Orthodox and neither is he.) I am afraid if I do, I may lose my children and grandchildren. On the other hand, I can't survive without Yuri.

I have always had lovers since I discovered how Orthodox my husband is -- it's a survival thing. I am going nuts. What should I do? -- IN TURMOIL IN ISRAEL

DEAR IN TURMOIL: Consider VERY carefully what a new life with Yuri will cost you, because it's going to be emotionally expensive. Right now you are part of a community, with standing in that community. If you leave it, all of that will be gone, and you will likely be shunned.

While running away with your lover may seem romantic, I would be very surprised if it didn't spell the end of your relationship with your children and grandchildren. A decision like this should not be taken lightly; it needs to be made rationally. If you are "going nuts," you are not thinking rationally, so please, discuss this with a counselor more familiar with Orthodox custom than I.

DEAR ABBY: My ex sent our children letters from prison. I didn't give them the letters because he was abusive. In one of them he asked our daughter to forgive him and not punish him forever. Abby, her father had abused her, and he's asking for her to stop punishing him? She was going to kill herself because of what he did to her.

My daughter went through several years of intense counseling and still battles depression, so there is no way I'll permit him to have contact with her or my other children. I have had no contact with him since we split up several years ago. My lawyer mailed the divorce papers and that was that. Should I write him a letter and tell him what I think? -- NOWHERE IN TEXAS

DEAR NOWHERE: No, your lawyer should. One of the hallmarks of abusers is that they tend to blame their victims for their actions. The statement in your ex's letter accusing your daughter of "punishing him" with her silence is troubling. She's under no obligation to forgive her abuser.

When he is finally released from prison, one of the conditions may be that he must have no contact with minors. And if by then your children are no longer minors, one can only hope that they have become mature enough to protect themselves emotionally -- and physically, if necessary -- from their father.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13, and a girl in my grade likes me -- REALLY likes me, but I think I'm too young. All my friends say I should go for it and have her as a girlfriend, but I'm not sure I should. I need professional help. -- NOT QUITE READY IN GEORGIA

DEAR NOT QUITE READY: Determining when a person is "ready" for a romantic relationship isn't something other people can or should decide. If you're not sure you want a girlfriend right now, the fact that she likes you -- REALLY likes you -- isn't as important as what YOU think and YOU feel. You appear to have a good head on your shoulders. Let it be your guide and don't allow your well-meaning friends to push you into anything.

DEAR ABBY: Our granddaughter, "Kim," is a senior in high school. She wants to study in Europe next year to improve her skills in a second language. Neither she nor her parents can afford the $20,000 or more this will cost. She is also "boy crazy." Another worry is the threat of terrorism and her safety.

Kim's grandmother and I see more negatives than positives in this possibility. Please advise us whether we should voice our opinion and what your opinion is. -- HOLDING BACK FOR NOW

DEAR HOLDING: If you had described your granddaughter as emotionally mature and responsible, I would give it my blessing. However, because you didn't, in my opinion she should continue her schooling closer to home and pursue her interest in language arts when she's further along in her education and less boy crazy.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend has no issue with nudity. She worked herself through her master's degree in finance as an exotic dancer. She has a phenomenal figure, eats healthy and works out often.

Last year we bought a home in a small residential community, complete with a pool. We installed a fence and spent a lot of money on landscaping to give us privacy from our neighbors.

We live in Florida and spend a lot of time in our pool, especially on weekends. My girlfriend doesn't like to wear a swimsuit, and I have no issues with it.

At a neighborhood event recently, one of our neighbors politely asked her if she wouldn't mind covering up when in the pool. She said her kids, and I'm sure her hubby, can see into our yard from their second story. My girlfriend apologized for their inconvenience, but told them she wouldn't be changing her habits in her home to stop another family from gawking.

I see both sides of this. I agree she shouldn't feel compelled to wear a suit to swim in our own pool (or lounge by it). But I can also see the neighbor's side. The preteen boys and husband can get an eyeful just about every weekend, and I don't think a few tan lines are worth a feud with the neighbors. Any suggestions for my dilemma? -- SWIMSUIT ETIQUETTE

DEAR S.E.: I, too, can see both sides of this. However, you and your girlfriend have done as much as you can to protect her privacy. You can't be responsible for your neighbor's husband's and children's voyeurism. I don't think your girlfriend should feel compelled to change her lifestyle because they act like Peeping Toms.

I do think it would be healthier for all concerned if your neighbor had a talk with her "boys" regarding their family's standards when it comes to naturism and respecting the privacy of others.