DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college and moved out of my parents' house and in with my fiance. My parents have assumed most of the cost of our upcoming wedding after insisting we have a big formal one. I'm also still on their cellphone plan and car and health insurance policies.

Abby, I'm tired of them holding these things over my head. Visiting has become awkward because of their threats. It feels like I'm not welcome in my own family. When I offer to take care of these things myself, my parents act as though I'm being ridiculous and retract their threats. I have threatened to elope with my fiance to alleviate these issues.

I do not agree with my parents' religious or political views and they know that. However, my mother insists on connecting with me on social media and regularly sends me texts criticizing me for responding to family members' negative comments about my very general and inoffensive status updates. She says she's "disappointed," and then she and Dad threaten to not pay for the wedding. After a recent argument, she threatened to drop me from their health and car insurance.

I don't want to be estranged from my parents, but I can't change who I am as a person and what I believe. How can I deal with this in a way that doesn't make me as childish as they are? -- I AM WHO I AM IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ARE WHO YOU ARE: I have often said that women should not marry until they are independent and can support themselves, because one day they may have to. Your parents treat you like a child they can still control because, financially, you are dependent.

If you didn't want a big, expensive wedding, you should never have agreed to one. It would not be childish for you to find a job (if you don't already have one) and buy your own health and car insurance.

It is also time for you and your fiance to tell your parents -- in the most loving way possible -- that while you are deeply grateful that they want to give you a big, expensive wedding, the two of you have decided to scale it back to something you can manage on your own. And this time don't make it a threat. Act on it. If you do, you will then be free to think and say whatever you please.

DEAR ABBY: I have started seeing this guy who doesn't want me to join the police force. I know he cares, but my dream has always been to be a part of the justice system. On the other hand, I don't want to lose a great guy over this one decision. Do I choose the dream or the guy? -- DREAMER IN THE USA

DEAR DREAMER: You are jumping the gun in thinking you must make a choice right now. You haven't mentioned whether you have the qualifications to join law enforcement. If you do, then for you to sacrifice your dream for someone you have only started seeing would be a huge mistake, and I urge you not to do it.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, when I picked my granddaughter "Michelle" up from school, she asked me to take her to get a pizza. I told her I had no money, and she responded that she had her own money. She then pulled $40 out of her pocket.

Michelle is only 9 and has no job. When I asked where she got the money, she told me, "A little boy who's disabled gave it to me." I didn't believe her story, and after I questioned her further, she confessed that she had taken the money from a boy who is NOT disabled.

I took the money from her and gave it to her teacher. Her teacher said the boy had accused Michelle, but Michelle had sworn she hadn't taken it. Abby, my granddaughter not only took his money, but also lied about it. I was devastated.

When I told my daughter, she said I should have let her and her husband handle it because now Michelle's teacher won't like her and may treat her differently. My daughter is now upset with me, but I was just trying to do the right thing. Did I do the wrong thing? -- HURT GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT GRANDMA: I don't think so. I'm not sure how your daughter planned to "handle it" and make things right for the boy who was bullied and stolen from, but by doing what you did, you ensured that he got his money back.

One can only hope that Michelle got a talking-to from her parents about what she did, and has learned not to repeat it. But if she's tempted to do it again, it's just as well that her teacher will keep a closer eye on her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been in prison for three and a half years, but now he's moving to a halfway house where he will have much more freedom. He wants to attend my church with me, and I know people there will have questions. Only a few of them know where he has been because I shared it with them. What's the best way to make this comfortable for both of us and share it as we need to? -- FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE AT LAST: That your husband would like to attend church with you is laudable, and I hope his entry into the congregation will be a smooth one. I have often said that once a "secret" is known by more than one person, it is no longer a secret. Discuss this with your clergyperson and let him or her guide you in the process. If you do, it may help to avoid any rough spots along the way.

DEAR ABBY: Many people these days rely on their devices to auto-correct spelling and grammatical errors. Too often I see signage on businesses with misspellings. A few of my friends own their own businesses, and their postings on social media are often misspelled. Sometimes they ask for my opinion. Should I offer advice or ignore this growing trend? -- MISS PELLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MISS PELLED: Offer advice only when it's been requested. Advice that is unasked for is usually unwelcome. Unless you want to be known as the "grammar hammer," keep it to yourself.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think parents should intervene in arguments between 10-year-olds? My daughter, "Amy," was playing at a neighbor's house with two other girls and they had an argument over something stupid. The neighbor's daughter, "Kathy," started to cry, so her mother asked my daughter and the other girl to leave because they had upset Kathy. Afterward, she called and wanted me to punish my daughter for upsetting hers.

I didn't do it because I think 10-year-olds are old enough to make amends with each other. When Amy explained the situation, I concluded that Kathy started to cry because she didn't get what she wanted. The girls were playing with each other again two days later.

This isn't the first time this has happened, but it's annoying because they make a big deal out of it. Kathy is an only child and we have three children. What do you think about this? -- AMY'S MOM IN ANTWERP, BELGIUM

DEAR AMY'S MOM: Hang onto your sense of humor and take "Helicopter Mom's" suggestions regarding parenting your child with a grain of salt. Kathy's mother means well, but she should stop trying to fight her daughter's battles for her.

DEAR ABBY: I have two brothers and two sisters. We all earned a modest but comfortable living and made plans for our retirement -- except for one. He blew his money on cars, vacations and gambling. He retired as early as possible, and because of it he doesn't get much Social Security. Now he's broke.

He thinks one of us should take him in and complains that we are a "bad family" because no one has offered to let him live with us. None of our retirement plans were made with provisions for him. He is selfish, irritating and untrustworthy. I don't want to spend my retirement being miserable. What do I do? -- RETIRED IN CHICAGO

DEAR RETIRED: If taking your irresponsible brother in would ensure that your retirement would be miserable, you shouldn't do it. Your brother has lived his life the way he wanted, without consideration for the consequences. If his retirement plan was gambling that you and your siblings would support him for his poor choices, it appears he has lost that bet, too. As a kindness, direct your brother to resources that help low-income seniors.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to go our separate ways and have filed for divorce. Although I moved out, we agreed to keep prior engagements. One of them is a trip to Europe to visit family and friends.

When we talked about traveling together, my understanding was that it meant sitting next to each other in the car and on the plane. Now he is making the hotel arrangements and has asked me if he should book a room with two beds or two separate rooms. This is confusing and it's making me feel awkward. How should I answer? -- THE EX-MRS. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR EX-MRS.: Be honest. If the idea of sharing a room with your almost-ex-husband makes you uncomfortable, tell him you would prefer separate accommodations.