life

Girl's Story of Boy's Generosity Fails Grandma's Smell Test

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, when I picked my granddaughter "Michelle" up from school, she asked me to take her to get a pizza. I told her I had no money, and she responded that she had her own money. She then pulled $40 out of her pocket.

Michelle is only 9 and has no job. When I asked where she got the money, she told me, "A little boy who's disabled gave it to me." I didn't believe her story, and after I questioned her further, she confessed that she had taken the money from a boy who is NOT disabled.

I took the money from her and gave it to her teacher. Her teacher said the boy had accused Michelle, but Michelle had sworn she hadn't taken it. Abby, my granddaughter not only took his money, but also lied about it. I was devastated.

When I told my daughter, she said I should have let her and her husband handle it because now Michelle's teacher won't like her and may treat her differently. My daughter is now upset with me, but I was just trying to do the right thing. Did I do the wrong thing? -- HURT GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT GRANDMA: I don't think so. I'm not sure how your daughter planned to "handle it" and make things right for the boy who was bullied and stolen from, but by doing what you did, you ensured that he got his money back.

One can only hope that Michelle got a talking-to from her parents about what she did, and has learned not to repeat it. But if she's tempted to do it again, it's just as well that her teacher will keep a closer eye on her.

Family & ParentingMoneyWork & School
life

Husband Who's Been in Prison Will Raise Questions at Wife's Church

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been in prison for three and a half years, but now he's moving to a halfway house where he will have much more freedom. He wants to attend my church with me, and I know people there will have questions. Only a few of them know where he has been because I shared it with them. What's the best way to make this comfortable for both of us and share it as we need to? -- FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE AT LAST: That your husband would like to attend church with you is laudable, and I hope his entry into the congregation will be a smooth one. I have often said that once a "secret" is known by more than one person, it is no longer a secret. Discuss this with your clergyperson and let him or her guide you in the process. If you do, it may help to avoid any rough spots along the way.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Auto-Correct Can't Always Spell It Like It Is

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 9th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Many people these days rely on their devices to auto-correct spelling and grammatical errors. Too often I see signage on businesses with misspellings. A few of my friends own their own businesses, and their postings on social media are often misspelled. Sometimes they ask for my opinion. Should I offer advice or ignore this growing trend? -- MISS PELLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MISS PELLED: Offer advice only when it's been requested. Advice that is unasked for is usually unwelcome. Unless you want to be known as the "grammar hammer," keep it to yourself.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Helicopter Mom Turns Girls' Squabbles Into Adult Irritation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Do you think parents should intervene in arguments between 10-year-olds? My daughter, "Amy," was playing at a neighbor's house with two other girls and they had an argument over something stupid. The neighbor's daughter, "Kathy," started to cry, so her mother asked my daughter and the other girl to leave because they had upset Kathy. Afterward, she called and wanted me to punish my daughter for upsetting hers.

I didn't do it because I think 10-year-olds are old enough to make amends with each other. When Amy explained the situation, I concluded that Kathy started to cry because she didn't get what she wanted. The girls were playing with each other again two days later.

This isn't the first time this has happened, but it's annoying because they make a big deal out of it. Kathy is an only child and we have three children. What do you think about this? -- AMY'S MOM IN ANTWERP, BELGIUM

DEAR AMY'S MOM: Hang onto your sense of humor and take "Helicopter Mom's" suggestions regarding parenting your child with a grain of salt. Kathy's mother means well, but she should stop trying to fight her daughter's battles for her.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Time to Pay the Piper Comes in Retirement for Feckless Brother

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have two brothers and two sisters. We all earned a modest but comfortable living and made plans for our retirement -- except for one. He blew his money on cars, vacations and gambling. He retired as early as possible, and because of it he doesn't get much Social Security. Now he's broke.

He thinks one of us should take him in and complains that we are a "bad family" because no one has offered to let him live with us. None of our retirement plans were made with provisions for him. He is selfish, irritating and untrustworthy. I don't want to spend my retirement being miserable. What do I do? -- RETIRED IN CHICAGO

DEAR RETIRED: If taking your irresponsible brother in would ensure that your retirement would be miserable, you shouldn't do it. Your brother has lived his life the way he wanted, without consideration for the consequences. If his retirement plan was gambling that you and your siblings would support him for his poor choices, it appears he has lost that bet, too. As a kindness, direct your brother to resources that help low-income seniors.

Family & Parenting
life

Travel Plans Get Complicated After Couple Decides to Divorce

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 8th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to go our separate ways and have filed for divorce. Although I moved out, we agreed to keep prior engagements. One of them is a trip to Europe to visit family and friends.

When we talked about traveling together, my understanding was that it meant sitting next to each other in the car and on the plane. Now he is making the hotel arrangements and has asked me if he should book a room with two beds or two separate rooms. This is confusing and it's making me feel awkward. How should I answer? -- THE EX-MRS. IN MICHIGAN

DEAR EX-MRS.: Be honest. If the idea of sharing a room with your almost-ex-husband makes you uncomfortable, tell him you would prefer separate accommodations.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Wife Says Stoppage Time Has Run Out for Soccer Enthusiast

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2016 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband, an avid soccer player, injured himself twice last year, which left him unable to work for months at a time. He refuses to hang up his cleats because he says it's his "one true passion." I think he's being selfish because his soccer injuries have caused a financial, emotional and physical strain on our family.

I can't be the only wife/mom who doesn't want the additional risk. Any advice on how to get through to him? -- SPORTS WIFE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR SPORTS WIFE: I don't know how old your husband is, but two serious injuries in one year may be a hint from Father Time that his reflexes aren't as acute as they once were, and he should channel his passion in another direction. (Coaching, perhaps?)

Assuming you have insurance, contact your agent and ask if there is additional coverage your husband can take out in case he is seriously injured again. Of course, it won't guarantee that he won't hurt himself, but it might give you some peace of mind in case he does.

Health & SafetyMarriage & DivorceMoney
life

Family's History of Alcoholism Gives Mom Reason to Worry

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2016 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 23 and live with my parents -- a situation I am working to change, to be sure. When I come home from work, I occasionally like to have a glass of wine or a beer. Obviously, because I'm an adult, this should not be a problem, but every time I touch alcohol my mom freaks out.

There is a history of alcoholism in my family, so I somewhat understand where she's coming from. But I feel she needs to realize that I can have a glass or two of wine and it doesn't mean I'm getting drunk or an alcoholic. I am my own person, in control of my body, and I know my limits.

My family's view of alcohol seems to have been skewed because of our history. Abby, one glass of wine a night does not an alcoholic make, right? -- UNWINDING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR UNWINDING: Ordinarily, I would say no. But a tendency toward addiction can run in families, and for someone with a predisposition to alcoholism, a glass (or two) of wine every night could escalate and lead to problems.

Because you live in your mother's house, try to be more sensitive to her feelings and respect them. She has experienced firsthand what it's like to live with someone who has an alcohol problem, and it isn't pretty. That's why she is so sensitive about it.

Addiction
life

Bad Cook Looks for Good Reviews

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 7th, 2016 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor often comes over to share some of her home cooking. Unfortunately, it tastes horrible. She invariably asks me the next day how I liked it, and I really don't enjoy lying. How can I tell her I don't like her cooking and I don't want her to bring me any more? -- TENDER TUMMY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TENDER TUMMY: Use a variation on your signature and say that although you appreciate her generosity, for some time her cooking hasn't agreed with you -- you have a "tender tummy" -- so please refrain from bringing over any more food.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors

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