DEAR ABBY: My husband, an avid soccer player, injured himself twice last year, which left him unable to work for months at a time. He refuses to hang up his cleats because he says it's his "one true passion." I think he's being selfish because his soccer injuries have caused a financial, emotional and physical strain on our family.

I can't be the only wife/mom who doesn't want the additional risk. Any advice on how to get through to him? -- SPORTS WIFE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR SPORTS WIFE: I don't know how old your husband is, but two serious injuries in one year may be a hint from Father Time that his reflexes aren't as acute as they once were, and he should channel his passion in another direction. (Coaching, perhaps?)

Assuming you have insurance, contact your agent and ask if there is additional coverage your husband can take out in case he is seriously injured again. Of course, it won't guarantee that he won't hurt himself, but it might give you some peace of mind in case he does.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 23 and live with my parents -- a situation I am working to change, to be sure. When I come home from work, I occasionally like to have a glass of wine or a beer. Obviously, because I'm an adult, this should not be a problem, but every time I touch alcohol my mom freaks out.

There is a history of alcoholism in my family, so I somewhat understand where she's coming from. But I feel she needs to realize that I can have a glass or two of wine and it doesn't mean I'm getting drunk or an alcoholic. I am my own person, in control of my body, and I know my limits.

My family's view of alcohol seems to have been skewed because of our history. Abby, one glass of wine a night does not an alcoholic make, right? -- UNWINDING IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR UNWINDING: Ordinarily, I would say no. But a tendency toward addiction can run in families, and for someone with a predisposition to alcoholism, a glass (or two) of wine every night could escalate and lead to problems.

Because you live in your mother's house, try to be more sensitive to her feelings and respect them. She has experienced firsthand what it's like to live with someone who has an alcohol problem, and it isn't pretty. That's why she is so sensitive about it.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor often comes over to share some of her home cooking. Unfortunately, it tastes horrible. She invariably asks me the next day how I liked it, and I really don't enjoy lying. How can I tell her I don't like her cooking and I don't want her to bring me any more? -- TENDER TUMMY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TENDER TUMMY: Use a variation on your signature and say that although you appreciate her generosity, for some time her cooking hasn't agreed with you -- you have a "tender tummy" -- so please refrain from bringing over any more food.

DEAR ABBY: At the age of 15 I was raped by my first boyfriend. It's how I lost my virginity. Shortly afterward, I became severely depressed and bulimic. I blocked my trauma until 11 years later, when I had a flashback. I sought out a therapist and have been seeing him for the past six months.

I feel so much resentment and anger toward my family for not having helped me through this difficult time. They didn't know about the rape, but they knew about my eating disorder, and I'm sure they must have noticed my depressed mood. They simply looked the other way, and I was offered no help whatsoever.

I am angry with my mother especially, because she has always been detached and critical of me. I'm afraid to tell her what happened for fear of being blamed. She has now been diagnosed with cancer, and I'm afraid she'll die before I get the courage to tell her. What can I do? -- ANGRY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANGRY: It might be helpful to look more carefully at the reasons why you are angry with your family. It's unfair to blame them for not recognizing something they were never told. It is not uncommon for teenagers to withdraw to some extent in order to establish their own identities, apart from their parents. Your parents may have thought that was what you were doing.

As to your eating disorder, I remember a time in the not-too-distant past when little was known about anorexia and bulimia. It wasn't until after the death of recording artist Karen Carpenter that media attention focused on how serious and life-threatening an eating disorder could be.

This is not to excuse your mother for her inability to be the parent you needed while growing up. It's important that you work with your therapist on how to talk to her about all of your feelings. It shouldn't be done in an accusatory manner, and you should have no fear of being blamed for your rape. It wasn't your fault that you were assaulted, and no one should be able to make you feel guilty for having been a victim -- not even your mother -- who, I am sure, will be shocked by your revelation.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Julia" for a long time. She was my best friend in high school and my maid of honor when I got married. She and her husband have an open relationship and invite other women into their bedroom. Several years ago, when my husband and I were struggling, they asked me if I wanted to join them. I declined in favor of working on my marriage. After that, Julia and I drifted apart and we spoke only rarely.

Our children go to the same school now, so we have reconnected and I realize how much I have missed having her as a close friend. Recently, however, Julia's husband, "Jerry," has started making suggestive remarks when he's the one picking their daughter up from school. It makes me really uncomfortable. When I told my husband about it, he wasn't happy.

How do I ask this man to stop without losing Julia's friendship again? I see them every day now, and I'd hate for there to be bitterness between us. -- NOT INTERESTED THAT WAY

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Tell Jerry that his comments are making you uncomfortable and to cut it out. Point out that while you and your husband are not judgmental about their lifestyle, you are not interested in being more than good platonic friends. Then repeat it to Julia, so she hears it straight from you. If, after that, your refusal to participate in their bedroom antics causes "bitterness," then so be it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law, "Eden," is married to my daughter. Eden is now pregnant via artificial insemination. I will never meet the donor and know almost nothing about him. Could this be why I don't have the enthusiasm for this pregnancy that I should have, since the baby will be my first grandchild?

I feel guilty that I'm not excited. I'm wondering if it's because there is no blood connection, but neither would there be if the baby were adopted. Eden is due in a month. We live close by, and I need to generate some enthusiasm. Any suggestions? -- GRANDMA-IN-WAITING

DEAR GRANDMA: Yes. Start by doing all the things you would if you WERE excited about this grandchild. Be as participatory as your daughter and daughter-in-law will allow. If you do, while I can't guarantee that you will feel a bond with the baby, your chances of forming one will be greater. And please stop feeling guilty. Relationships take time to build, and this is no exception.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are facing a big decision: whether to move to a better school district for our daughter. The one we're in doesn't rate high, and yes, we can afford to move to a more elite area. So what is holding us back? Our wonderful neighbors!

They are our best friends. Our husbands are close, and it's the same with our kids -- even the dogs. We vacation together and take turns carpooling to school in the mornings. They have welcomed my daughter into their home, and ditto for us and their children. Are we fools to walk away from such contentment and love? -- HEAVY DECISION IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HEAVY DECISION: If you and your friends are close for reasons other than geography and convenience, your relationship with them should be a lasting one. However, your daughter's education should come first, and if they are true friends, they will understand why you are making the move.

DEAR ABBY: As someone on a second marriage, may I point something out to your readers? An engagement is not marriage. People need to take a hard look at the person they are choosing to spend the rest of their lives with, and understand that they cannot change another person. Red flags should be addressed during the engagement. That little annoyance will grow and has the potential to blossom into a huge issue.

Counseling can be wonderfully useful, but bear in mind it can take several tries to find a counselor who clicks with you. Take it from me, divorce is horrible and can cause damage that can never really be undone. -- EXPERIENCED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR EXPERIENCED: You're right; problems don't solve themselves, and people in love don't always think rationally. However, I hope they will pay attention to your excellent advice because I couldn't have said it better myself.