DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law, "Eden," is married to my daughter. Eden is now pregnant via artificial insemination. I will never meet the donor and know almost nothing about him. Could this be why I don't have the enthusiasm for this pregnancy that I should have, since the baby will be my first grandchild?

I feel guilty that I'm not excited. I'm wondering if it's because there is no blood connection, but neither would there be if the baby were adopted. Eden is due in a month. We live close by, and I need to generate some enthusiasm. Any suggestions? -- GRANDMA-IN-WAITING

DEAR GRANDMA: Yes. Start by doing all the things you would if you WERE excited about this grandchild. Be as participatory as your daughter and daughter-in-law will allow. If you do, while I can't guarantee that you will feel a bond with the baby, your chances of forming one will be greater. And please stop feeling guilty. Relationships take time to build, and this is no exception.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are facing a big decision: whether to move to a better school district for our daughter. The one we're in doesn't rate high, and yes, we can afford to move to a more elite area. So what is holding us back? Our wonderful neighbors!

They are our best friends. Our husbands are close, and it's the same with our kids -- even the dogs. We vacation together and take turns carpooling to school in the mornings. They have welcomed my daughter into their home, and ditto for us and their children. Are we fools to walk away from such contentment and love? -- HEAVY DECISION IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HEAVY DECISION: If you and your friends are close for reasons other than geography and convenience, your relationship with them should be a lasting one. However, your daughter's education should come first, and if they are true friends, they will understand why you are making the move.

DEAR ABBY: As someone on a second marriage, may I point something out to your readers? An engagement is not marriage. People need to take a hard look at the person they are choosing to spend the rest of their lives with, and understand that they cannot change another person. Red flags should be addressed during the engagement. That little annoyance will grow and has the potential to blossom into a huge issue.

Counseling can be wonderfully useful, but bear in mind it can take several tries to find a counselor who clicks with you. Take it from me, divorce is horrible and can cause damage that can never really be undone. -- EXPERIENCED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR EXPERIENCED: You're right; problems don't solve themselves, and people in love don't always think rationally. However, I hope they will pay attention to your excellent advice because I couldn't have said it better myself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband went to Florida three months ago to care for an ailing former lover. He told me she will be leaving him a sizable inheritance and he needs to protect her from "vultures." I admit I am suspicious of his motives. I think there may be more going on than what he's telling me, but he has been painting a pretty picture of how rosy our future will be with her gift.

He has now suggested that we get a temporary divorce so he can marry her in order to get her entire estate! He claims it will be nothing more than a business arrangement. His suggestion left me flabbergasted. Even though our marriage has been rocky at times, I have never seen this side of him. I don't know whether to believe him and be simply disappointed at his callous behavior, or not believe him and conclude that he really wants a divorce so he can marry her. Any thoughts? -- HEARTSICK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your husband appears to still be carrying a torch for his old flame. Are you sure she is really sick? If it's the truth, then the "vulture" I see on the horizon may be him.

I hope you appreciate how extremely manipulative your husband appears to be. Because of it, and since he has spoken the "D" word, consult a lawyer to ensure that your interests will be protected regardless of his motives. I'm saying that in case the woman turns out to be healthier than both of you.

DEAR ABBY: How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? My adult son, "Greg," who lives with me, is slowly drinking himself to death. He was laid off two years ago, and I know he is depressed and has given up on life.

It has reached the point where he is showing signs of cirrhosis, but he refuses to do anything about it. The last time he saw a doctor was three years ago. The doctor said Greg's liver functions were not normal and he needed to stop drinking. I've tried to make my son listen to reason, to no avail.

My sister tells me if I don't get Greg some help, I could be charged with adult neglect. But I don't know how to fix this. The outcome is increasingly bleak. What can I do? -- MOM WITH A PROBLEM

DEAR MOM: If the inability to convince a substance-addicted adult relative to get help were against the law, there wouldn't be enough prisons to hold all the "offenders."

As much as you love your son, you can't "fix" his alcohol addiction. You should, however, find the nearest Al-Anon group and attend some meetings. And while you are at it, bring your sister with you because she has a lot to learn. Chief among the lessons is that someone else's drinking is not another person's fault or responsibility to control. I am sorry for your pain, because I'm sure it is considerable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an attorney. Recently at a party, an acquaintance was talking about some litigation his company is involved in. I commented briefly on something he said, and he responded, "We take advice from attorneys we pay," and walked away. Should I feel insulted, or should I have stayed out of the conversation to begin with? -- HURT FEELINGS IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURT: Some people think that anything that's offered for free is without value, and it appears the man you encountered is one of them. Because this is his world view, try not to take it personally. Your motives were generous. I see no reason to muzzle yourself in the future if you think you have something helpful to say.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year old daughter, "Jenny," has a best friend, "Carly," she stays with when we're out of town. My husband and I are planning a three-day trip at the end of the month. Jenny has already asked Carly if she can stay, and of course, the answer was yes.

This morning Jenny got an invitation to another friend's birthday party the Saturday of the weekend we'll be away. Although the birthday girl knows Carly, Carly was not invited. I told Jenny it would be very rude for her to leave Carly's house to attend a sleepover party that her friend wasn't invited to. My husband agrees, but won't verbally back me up. He says, "I don't want to get in the middle."

I'm trying to teach my daughter to do the right thing, even if it's hard. She's angry with me now. Any advice? -- PERPLEXED IN PHOENIX

DEAR PERPLEXED: Ask Jenny how she would feel if she had agreed to let Carly stay with her while her parents were out of town, and Carly left to attend a sleepover birthday party from which Jenny had been excluded. I'll bet she'd feel as left out and hurt as Carly would.

The plans have been made and they shouldn't be changed. However, depending upon how important it is to the birthday girl to have your daughter there, she might be willing to extend an invitation to Carly if the situation was explained to her. Suggest Jenny give it a try.

P.S. The lesson you are trying to teach your daughter is important, so stick to your guns. I'm sorry your husband doesn't step up to the plate, instead of making you the bad guy. He seems to have forgotten that parenting is supposed to be a team sport.

DEAR ABBY: I have struggled with severe acne since high school, and my hometown dermatologist was not much help. After moving to graduate school, I found a new doctor and have seen more improvement in two months under her direction than I ever did with my previous doctor. She had blood work done, which revealed that I had a hormone imbalance that was causing the acne.

There's another young woman I see often on the bus going to work. She has a bad case of acne, too, and I'd like to sing the praises of my dermatologist because I know how painful and frustrating it can be to battle it alone with an unsympathetic doctor. But I don't want to come off as a Nosy Nancy or make her feel like I'm intruding.

Should I say something and, if so, how can I broach the subject gently? -- PIMPLE PATROL IN OREGON

DEAR P.P.: Your impulse is kind, but don't do it all in one conversation. It would be more effective to do it in stages.

The next time you see her, give her a smile and see how she reacts and if she'll return it. When you see her, say hello and get to know her a little. After that, during the course of one of your conversations, share that you had an acne problem a while ago and found a wonderful dermatologist who helped you. Then ask if she'd like your doctor's name and phone number.

If you do it in stages, I don't think it would be offensive and she might be grateful to know that there is help for her problem.