DEAR ABBY: My husband went to Florida three months ago to care for an ailing former lover. He told me she will be leaving him a sizable inheritance and he needs to protect her from "vultures." I admit I am suspicious of his motives. I think there may be more going on than what he's telling me, but he has been painting a pretty picture of how rosy our future will be with her gift.

He has now suggested that we get a temporary divorce so he can marry her in order to get her entire estate! He claims it will be nothing more than a business arrangement. His suggestion left me flabbergasted. Even though our marriage has been rocky at times, I have never seen this side of him. I don't know whether to believe him and be simply disappointed at his callous behavior, or not believe him and conclude that he really wants a divorce so he can marry her. Any thoughts? -- HEARTSICK IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your husband appears to still be carrying a torch for his old flame. Are you sure she is really sick? If it's the truth, then the "vulture" I see on the horizon may be him.

I hope you appreciate how extremely manipulative your husband appears to be. Because of it, and since he has spoken the "D" word, consult a lawyer to ensure that your interests will be protected regardless of his motives. I'm saying that in case the woman turns out to be healthier than both of you.

DEAR ABBY: How do you help someone who doesn't want to be helped? My adult son, "Greg," who lives with me, is slowly drinking himself to death. He was laid off two years ago, and I know he is depressed and has given up on life.

It has reached the point where he is showing signs of cirrhosis, but he refuses to do anything about it. The last time he saw a doctor was three years ago. The doctor said Greg's liver functions were not normal and he needed to stop drinking. I've tried to make my son listen to reason, to no avail.

My sister tells me if I don't get Greg some help, I could be charged with adult neglect. But I don't know how to fix this. The outcome is increasingly bleak. What can I do? -- MOM WITH A PROBLEM

DEAR MOM: If the inability to convince a substance-addicted adult relative to get help were against the law, there wouldn't be enough prisons to hold all the "offenders."

As much as you love your son, you can't "fix" his alcohol addiction. You should, however, find the nearest Al-Anon group and attend some meetings. And while you are at it, bring your sister with you because she has a lot to learn. Chief among the lessons is that someone else's drinking is not another person's fault or responsibility to control. I am sorry for your pain, because I'm sure it is considerable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an attorney. Recently at a party, an acquaintance was talking about some litigation his company is involved in. I commented briefly on something he said, and he responded, "We take advice from attorneys we pay," and walked away. Should I feel insulted, or should I have stayed out of the conversation to begin with? -- HURT FEELINGS IN FLORIDA

DEAR HURT: Some people think that anything that's offered for free is without value, and it appears the man you encountered is one of them. Because this is his world view, try not to take it personally. Your motives were generous. I see no reason to muzzle yourself in the future if you think you have something helpful to say.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year old daughter, "Jenny," has a best friend, "Carly," she stays with when we're out of town. My husband and I are planning a three-day trip at the end of the month. Jenny has already asked Carly if she can stay, and of course, the answer was yes.

This morning Jenny got an invitation to another friend's birthday party the Saturday of the weekend we'll be away. Although the birthday girl knows Carly, Carly was not invited. I told Jenny it would be very rude for her to leave Carly's house to attend a sleepover party that her friend wasn't invited to. My husband agrees, but won't verbally back me up. He says, "I don't want to get in the middle."

I'm trying to teach my daughter to do the right thing, even if it's hard. She's angry with me now. Any advice? -- PERPLEXED IN PHOENIX

DEAR PERPLEXED: Ask Jenny how she would feel if she had agreed to let Carly stay with her while her parents were out of town, and Carly left to attend a sleepover birthday party from which Jenny had been excluded. I'll bet she'd feel as left out and hurt as Carly would.

The plans have been made and they shouldn't be changed. However, depending upon how important it is to the birthday girl to have your daughter there, she might be willing to extend an invitation to Carly if the situation was explained to her. Suggest Jenny give it a try.

P.S. The lesson you are trying to teach your daughter is important, so stick to your guns. I'm sorry your husband doesn't step up to the plate, instead of making you the bad guy. He seems to have forgotten that parenting is supposed to be a team sport.

DEAR ABBY: I have struggled with severe acne since high school, and my hometown dermatologist was not much help. After moving to graduate school, I found a new doctor and have seen more improvement in two months under her direction than I ever did with my previous doctor. She had blood work done, which revealed that I had a hormone imbalance that was causing the acne.

There's another young woman I see often on the bus going to work. She has a bad case of acne, too, and I'd like to sing the praises of my dermatologist because I know how painful and frustrating it can be to battle it alone with an unsympathetic doctor. But I don't want to come off as a Nosy Nancy or make her feel like I'm intruding.

Should I say something and, if so, how can I broach the subject gently? -- PIMPLE PATROL IN OREGON

DEAR P.P.: Your impulse is kind, but don't do it all in one conversation. It would be more effective to do it in stages.

The next time you see her, give her a smile and see how she reacts and if she'll return it. When you see her, say hello and get to know her a little. After that, during the course of one of your conversations, share that you had an acne problem a while ago and found a wonderful dermatologist who helped you. Then ask if she'd like your doctor's name and phone number.

If you do it in stages, I don't think it would be offensive and she might be grateful to know that there is help for her problem.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man in my late 40s who has worked for 10 years in the public school system with young adults and kids with special needs. I have done everything from changing preschoolers' diapers, to tutoring, travel training and teaching life skills to older children. In the process, I have encountered my share of cooperation, defiance, failure and success.

When speaking with family, friends or strangers about their parenting, I sometimes share my experiences. This is usually accepted and even encouraged, but occasionally I am put in my place by a parent who feels I must be told that what I've done "isn't the same as being a parent." Some even go so far as to imply that I should remain silent, as I have nothing of a parenting nature to offer.

I would think that making everyone feel included would be more important than official parent status, especially when discussing similar experiences. So what's the best way to handle this? I have no kids of my own; my students are all I have to share stories about. Should I just dummy up? -- SORT OF CHILDLESS IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SORT OF CHILDLESS: No, but recognize that whatever you offered clearly made someone defensive. When people are in that mode, they aren't receptive to your opinion.

Remember the phrase "casting pearls before swine"? It means offering something valuable to those who don't understand that it's precious. You and I, and most parents, understand that you are rich in experience. Don't let the others get under your skin.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Richard," is 15 years my senior, and the more he is involved in my life, the more overprotective he is becoming. Some of his concerns are legitimate, but it seems like he considers me more like a child or "little woman" than his equal partner.

He isn't comfortable with me walking two blocks from my house to a friend's house at night without an escort. I recently obtained my motorcycle license, and he doesn't want me riding at night. The latest issue is that he doesn't want me to walk him to his car because he would "rather me be locked safely in the house."

I think I'm capable enough to cross my front lawn at night without being attacked. How do I differentiate between legitimate concern and overprotective paranoia? -- OVERPROTECTED

DEAR OVERPROTECTED: If your neighborhood is safe, then this may be a question of how your boyfriend is presenting his concerns to you. If he is suggesting that he would prefer you be more cautious after dark, that's one thing. However, if he's insisting, then it's something else, and it could be a tip-off that he's not only "parental," but controlling.