DEAR ABBY: I have always struggled with a lack of self-esteem and confidence. I would like to get breast implants. It's not to seek attention or anything; it's merely to feel better about myself. Clothes don't fit me properly, and I am embarrassed.

My boyfriend is completely against it. He says he doesn't want to be with a fake person, even though I have tried in vain to tell him I'll be the same person on the inside. He has also threatened that we will have relationship problems if I have the surgery done.

This procedure will, in my opinion, help me in many ways. On the other hand, I don't want to lose my boyfriend! Please help. -- DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM

DEAR DOESN'T WANT TO LOSE HIM: Which is more important to you -- to do something that will make you feel more confident about your appearance or hang onto this boyfriend? He may be worried that you will attract too much attention if you change your appearance, or have a hang-up about "relations" with a woman who has implants.

If he were your husband, I might answer differently, but from where I sit, you have to do what's best for you. A boyfriend who would prevent you from boosting your self-confidence strikes me as selfish and not much of a "friend" at all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm saddened by the mistresses of today, also known as "side chicks." These women have no morality or conscience. Yet their status seems to be glorified all over social media.

What advice would you give to my friends who are contemplating joining in this madness as a "hustle" and a way to get child support from married men? -- DISGUSTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DISGUSTED: You are describing entrapment and extortion. A woman who would do this is lacking ethics, morals and self-respect. That kind of individual isn't likely to listen to advice from me. I do have some, however, for you. End those "friendships" because, on an important level, you have nothing in common with these shameless users. I pity the children, who are nothing more than meal tickets to their mothers.

DEAR ABBY: I am vegan, which makes dining out an adventure. In restaurants, veggies and pasta or a veggie wrap are pretty much a go-to. At family functions (weddings, showers), I bring my own non-dairy milk and butter and try not to call attention to myself. When someone (inevitably) notices, the questions begin, which I don't mind.

What I do mind, however, is the hostility I encounter. "What makes you think you're better than the rest of us?" is the most common comment. I don't think I am, and I certainly have never implied it.

I need a response that won't fuel the fire and will hopefully allow me to eat in peace. Thoughts? -- VEGAN GIRL IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR VEGAN GIRL: Try this: "I'm sorry you got that impression, because it's not the way I feel. It's simply the way I choose to eat."

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about the letter you printed from "Excited in Maryland" (Aug. 16), whose wife makes snide comments about his impending retirement. That milestone is the biggest, scariest life change people make -- a time marker like no other.

With many people, our identity is tied to our careers. In my case, I enjoyed a long, successful career as a social worker, counselor, teacher and mother. I wasn't the primary breadwinner and was able to work less than full time. When I retired seven years ago, my day was my own, with little accountability to my husband. I had quiet when I wanted it, music of my own choosing, ate when and what I wanted -- and complete privacy all day, every day.

My husband, one of the nicest men I've ever known, retired two years ago, and I still haven't come to terms with the fact that he's home all the time. He doesn't ask me to do anything differently, but he's HERE, which means my definition of privacy has changed. I realize how lucky I am to have him, our long marriage, our health, our kids and financial stability. I just need a predictable block of time I can depend on to have the house all to myself.

That letter writer's wife may be worried about the huge change that is coming. My husband has enough interests, hobbies and projects that he's always busy, but we are different people. He can get lost in his project while I'm "on alert" for any interruption, real or imagined.

A couple of my friends have decided to postpone retirement because they don't want to be home all day with their husbands. They are both mental health therapists, but they can't talk with their husbands about it. If THEY can't, then who can? This seems to be the most major life challenge yet, but I can't find anyone who's willing to discuss it. Is there anyone out there to honestly help us negotiate this phase? -- LIZ IN IOWA

DEAR LIZ: Because of the complicated nature of their work, many therapists have therapists of their own. That is what I would have recommended, if either of the couples you mentioned in your letter had asked, to improve their level of communication.

As for the rest of us "regular" folks, a licensed family therapist would be qualified to help. I agree that retirement requires an adjustment on the part of both spouses. You should look for a counselor who is older and who can empathize with what you and your husband are experiencing.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law picks his nose. I had a birthday dinner for my wife with 15 people around the restaurant table, when her father inserted his forefinger into his nostril and started digging. Sometimes he digs for up to 10 minutes. My wife says, "Don't look." What would Abby do? -- JOHN IN FORT WORTH, TEXAS

DEAR JOHN: Abby would use the first chance she got to speak to the man alone and tell him that picking his nose in public grosses people out. Then she'd suggest the next time he feels the urge, he should leave the table, head for a restroom and take care of it in private.

DEAR ABBY: My rapists are dead now, but I can see from the years since their attack what damage they have caused. I'm having medical complications that have developed over time, pain and suffering from those complications, PTSD and additional stress over pharmacy bills because of it. It has affected the way I feel about men, and I'm afraid it will be this way for the rest of my life.

My attackers caused a great financial burden on me because of the cost of psychological counseling and loss of income due to episodes of related illness and working beneath my potential. Rapists seem to think they're entitled to take what they want when they want it. I'm thinking perhaps they should be forced to take responsibility for the resulting cost to the person whose life they affected, which brings me to my question: Can women sue their rapists? -- ALTERED BODY AND SOUL

DEAR ALTERED: In this country, anybody can sue anyone for anything, but not someone who is dead. However, lawsuits can be emotionally and financially costly, and the question is whether the plaintiff can win. Some states offer financial assistance to victims of crime, which includes medical and dental expenses, counseling costs, funeral or burial expenses, and lost wages or support.

Because your rapists are deceased, it would be more practical for you to go online and visit www.victimsofcrime.org to explore what kind of compensation may still be available for you. I wish you luck in your pursuit of justice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an only child; my husband is not. Our parents don't live nearby, and every year we have great debates over where to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Both sets of parents host both holidays at their homes.

My husband feels we should alternate, one year spend Christmas with his parents, the next with mine. I suggested that one year we host Christmas at our home. That way, both sets of parents could be with us, but his mother said no because her other children and grandchildren spend the holidays with them at her house.

Even though I know the fair thing to do would be to alternate, I do not want to leave my parents alone on the holidays because I'm their only child. They have no one else! But his mother expects us to be there for every holiday and gets upset if we aren't. I know this situation will only get worse once my husband and I have children. What should we do? -- HOLIDAY TROUBLE IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOLIDAY TROUBLE: Because a marriage is supposed to involve the joining together of two families into one, you might suggest to your mother-in-law that she extend an invitation to your parents for the holidays. But if she's unwilling or your parents are unable to travel, then I agree with your husband that you should alternate the holidays.

After you have children, this should be discussed again, because it is important that they get to know their cousins, and it will be easier to expose them when the family is all together -- whether it's at your home or your in-laws'.