DEAR ABBY: I made a big mistake three years ago. When I found out my husband was cheating on me, I became vengeful and sought revenge. I ended up sleeping with my sister-in-law's boyfriend to get back at my husband and at her for some things she did in the past. It took my pain away -- for a bit.

Abby, I am not this kind of person. I'm not an evil, conniving tramp. I regret what I did every day, and I feel like garbage.

My sister-in-law and I haven't spoken since I decided to tell her the truth. My husband and I (miraculously) were able to work through our problems, and our relationship is stronger than ever. My sister-in-law and her boyfriend have remained together, and I don't speak to him anymore either.

What can I do to earn forgiveness? Is this even forgivable? How can I mend this family I helped tear apart? -- ONLY HUMAN IN HOUSTON

DEAR ONLY HUMAN: You might start by apologizing to your sister-in-law for the pain you caused her. But after that, the decision about whether she can forgive you or wants anything more to do with you will be up to her.

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, "Becca," just turned 6. One of her favorite things to do is role-play, which includes the prince (me) kissing her, sometimes at the end of a wedding ceremony. Becca also likes to sit on my lap.

My wife thinks I shouldn't allow her to sit there and that the interaction isn't appropriate. She says I may be mistaken for some kind of predator. It hurts me and Becca when I tell her we must find some other playtime scenario. I think it's harmless.

Who's right here? My wife or me? Is there an age a granddaughter reaches when this kind of interaction becomes taboo? What about giving her a goodbye kiss when she departs? -- BAFFLED GRANDPA IN EL PASO

DEAR BAFFLED: Do Becca's parents agree with your wife? I would be more concerned with whether they consider your playing Prince Charming to be inappropriate. At 6, I see no harm in it. When Becca is 8 or 9, your wife may have a point. Of course, by then she may prefer to be Supergirl rather than a princess, and have other objectives than being a bride.

As to kissing your granddaughter hello or goodbye, that's perfectly appropriate regardless of her age. And when you do, I seriously doubt anyone will mistake you for a predator.

DEAR ABBY: I married the woman of my dreams two months ago. I asked my father to be my best man and he accepted, but he didn't fulfill his duties. There was no bachelor party, no best man speech, and he and my mother left the reception after only an hour. I was hurt and disappointed.

I have avoided talking to him since. Should I tell him how much he hurt me, or just try to forgive and forget? -- LET-DOWN GROOM IN MACON, GA.

DEAR GROOM: I vote for doing both, if you can. When your father accepted the invitation, he may not have understood that being your best man would involve more than standing beside you at the altar. Why he and your mother would leave the reception early is puzzling, but it may have meant that for some reason they felt uncomfortable there. You need to explore that.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 and in what I think is a serious relationship with "Josh." The problem is, his mom thinks I'm "mentally abusing" him.

I have never done anything to Josh to make her think that. She and I have had our disagreements and have not spoken for periods of time before, but nothing like this has ever happened.

I'm pretty sure I love Josh, and I don't want to lose him because of what his mom thinks of me. What should I do? -- PUZZLED IN INDIANA

DEAR PUZZLED: You didn't mention how old Josh is and how he feels about all the attention you're giving him, but I can offer a couple of suggestions. The first is to slow down. Take a step back so Josh can have some breathing room. The second is to try to make a friend rather than an enemy of Josh's mother, who may be worried about a 13-year-old girl who seems fixated on her son.

DEAR ABBY: I remarried when my son, "Kevin," was 5. He's now 20. My husband has always tried to be a good dad to him even though Kevin was challenging at times.

Kevin is now in the military. Before he left, he adopted a dog, "Leisel," that's a year old. Kevin will be deployed overseas for three years and wants us to take her. We have a dog and cat, a big yard and three teenage daughters who want Leisel, but my husband says no. He says it was a mistake to get the dog in the first place, and Kevin needs to learn a lesson and do the hard thing and give her up.

I agree it was a mistake, and I don't really want another dog, but I'm willing to do it for my son. Lots of parents get "stuck" with their kids' pets. They roll their eyes and just do it. Who is right? -- WILLING TO DO IT IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR WILLING: You are. This is no time to teach your son a lesson. With the international situation heating up as it seems to be, there's no telling where your son could wind up being stationed. Let him go with peace of mind knowing his pet will be well cared for until he returns.

DEAR ABBY: You probably wonder why I think this is a problem, but it is for me. I'm a single male, almost 77, who can easily pass for 50 or 55. The problem is friends, acquaintances and some strangers (in their 40s, 50s and 60s) think that because I look so much younger than my age, I should be able to perform the same physical tasks they do, which I can't. I have the same aches and pains as anyone else my age.

I'm flattered that I look younger, but how do I explain that because I look 50 to 55, doesn't mean I necessarily feel that way. I know, I know. Some people probably wish they had my problem. -- YOUNG/OLD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR YOUNG/OLD: I have news for you. There are plenty of people half your age who also have physical problems that prevent them from performing certain tasks -- including bad backs, bad knees, rotator cuff injuries and more. Because someone looks great doesn't necessarily mean that the person IS 100 percent. If you are asked to do something beyond your ability, be honest about it and say no.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for almost 14 years. I'm a sound sleeper, and I suspect he has been having sex with me while I'm sleeping. I have woken up without clothes on, my undergarments askew or the waistband "rolled on." I called him on it and told him I knew and that I'm not OK with it.

Weeks later, I caught him red-handed. This time I was awake, but I was so frightened that I froze! I was sexually abused as a child and raped as an adult, and now I feel like my marriage has been turned upside down. My husband denies it. He claims it's all in my head.

My friends say that for the sake of my children I should ignore it or I'll turn their lives upside down. Abby, everyone thinks my husband is a catch! I'm sure if I walk away I'll lose friends -- maybe even some of my family. Please help me. I feel lost. -- TURNED UPSIDE DOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR TURNED UPSIDE DOWN: Your friends are wrong, and you should NOT "ignore" this. Sex without a person's consent is rape! When a husband does what you have described, it is called spousal rape.

Because he claims this is "all in your head," for your own sanity, make an appointment to discuss this with a licensed psychotherapist. With your unfortunate history, you should have spoken with someone already. Your husband is either grossly insensitive or derives pleasure from being a predator. His behavior is appalling, and you do not have to stand for it.

Counseling can help you decide whether to remain in this marriage. Regardless of what your ultimate decision may be, it will help you be emotionally resilient enough to live with your choice regardless of what your "friends" and family members may think.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance, "Rob," and I are pregnant. This should be an exciting time for me, but he keeps bringing up a previous relationship during which he had an unplanned child. That was 10 years ago, and the mother denied him access.

I have told Rob how much his mentioning it upsets me and I have asked him not to do it, especially during my pregnancy. I want to feel happy and special as the woman who will be providing Rob with an actual family unit. But instead I feel like second-best and resentful.

This should be a time to focus on us and our new baby, not the child that isn't in his life or that woman and her stupid actions. Please advise me. -- SOON-TO-BE MOM IN DENVER

DEAR MOM: You ARE special and you ARE the person who is creating a new family with Rob, but your pregnancy may be a painful reminder of the child he "lost." He may be afraid the same thing could happen again and need all the reassurance you can give him that it won't.

Because his bringing up the past relationship is hurtful, suggest he talk with a licensed mental health professional about it. Sometimes the best way to stop grieving is to talk about it.