DEAR ABBY: After a marriage of many years, I have come to realize ours has become simply one of convenience. My husband is a negative and controlling person who gripes about everything and anything. He has developed no friendships or interests of his own, and I have to battle with him to even have a day to myself.

How many other women are like me -- stuck in loveless marriages without the resources to live on our own (at least in the lifestyle we are accustomed to)? Any advice for me? -- IN LIMBO OUT WEST

DEAR IN LIMBO: If my mail is any indication, you have lots of company in your boat. Many women stay because they are afraid to live alone or see nothing better on the horizon. No third party can or should answer this question for you.

Make a list of the pros and cons of your marriage, tally them up and weigh the cons against how you feel living the life you are living now. A licensed counselor may be able to steer you in the right direction -- which may entail marriage counseling and/or consulting a lawyer or your CPA about what other options you may have.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a busy sixth-grade girl who has played piano for seven years. But my busy schedule gets in the way of piano because I have to prep for competitions. I love the piano, but I still need to keep up with my school schedule.

If I tell my grandma I want to quit piano, she'll be disappointed. I already quit violin in orchestra. So this means my music life will be over. Should I still do it or not? -- STRESSED OUT MUSICIAN

DEAR MUSICIAN: Unless your music causes your grades to drop, continue the piano for as long as you can. There may come a time when other things must take precedence, but you never can tell how beneficial your musical education may be when you're an adult.

You're an intelligent young woman, so let me share a true story with you: A man here in Los Angeles studied classical piano for many years. He had talent, but didn't consider himself good enough to make it his career. He married, went to law school, passed the bar -- and wound up becoming one of the most successful lawyers in town representing musicians and other entertainers.

You never can tell where life may lead, so the more talents you nourish, the wider your options will be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband demands we give our first child the name "Junior" as his legal first name, supposedly to honor the baby's paternal grandpa, who is also called Junior.

I am vehemently opposed to it because Junior is a title, not a name, and also because Grandpa is a notorious drunk, criminal and adulterer. I am open to any other name my husband may want, but he won't budge. Who should win out? -- DUE SOON IN SYRACUSE

DEAR DUE SOON: You should! Naming a child after someone is, indeed, supposed to be an honor, and from your description, your father-in-law isn't someone who deserves one.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 19 and played bass in a rock band, I fell in love with a guy I'll call "Brian." He was three years older and also a musician. We had the best times together -- we were young and wild without a care in the world.

But the years rolled on and we got older. After six years together, I got pregnant. I thought Brian would be thrilled, but he wasn't. It changed how I felt about him. I was heartbroken and lost respect for him.

I grew up fast, and put our son, "Ricky," first. Brian, on the other hand, has refused to give up his rock 'n' roll lifestyle. He shows up to see Ricky two or three times a month, but doesn't even look at him. I can't stand the way he ignores our son. Brian says I can't alter who and how he is. I say, if we mattered to him, he would change on his own. This leads to arguments.

Which is worse -- having my son grow up with an absent father who's not "present" even when he's here? Or Ricky seeing us fight all the time, but leaving the option for Brian to be a part of his life? Or should I get my ex out of our lives for good, and risk resentment from Ricky because I moved on with our lives? -- FULLY FORMED ADULT IN L.A.

DEAR FULLY FORMED: If Brian didn't care about Ricky, he wouldn't show up two or three times a month. What strikes me as sad, however, is that he apparently doesn't know how to relate to his son.

Rather than exclude him entirely, stop the arguing and suggest that he and Ricky would both get more out of the visitations if he enrolled in a parenting class for fathers. Tell him that for the sake of Ricky's emotional well-being, you would be glad to help facilitate it any way you can, including helping him to research some of them online.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old son, "Todd," has started seeing a girl he goes to school with. "Winona" seems to be a nice girl from a good family. However, my son confided that her parents (mostly the mom) have started asking him all sorts of questions like, "I thought you were a good student. Why aren't you on the honor roll?" "Do you keep your room clean?" "Would you change for our daughter?"

Todd is a good kid and a good student (A's and B's mostly.) He has strong morals, lots of friends and is a typical teen. He isn't asking for that girl's hand in marriage! It's their first "boyfriend/girlfriend" relationship. They just like each other.

Is the mom out of line, or am I being too sensitive? -- DUMBFOUNDED DAD IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DAD: Because this is her daughter's first boyfriend, the mother may ask these questions because she's protective, and it's her way of trying to get to know your son better. Please try not to take what's happening so seriously, because she'd probably ask the same questions if Prince Harry were seeing her precious daughter. That's how some mothers are -- until enough boys become so uncomfortable that they disappear and the daughter finds it so embarrassing she puts a stop to it.

DEAR ABBY: I have dated a lot of women over the years -- including actresses, beauty contest winners and models. Every one of them, except my current live-in, "Amanda," would dress up in lingerie when I asked them to.

Amanda adamantly refuses. She says if I love her, I should be turned on whether she's nude or wearing lingerie. Part of the problem is she's not in the best shape, and the lingerie would hide that.

I have tried bargaining with her, but she won't agree. She doesn't understand why I'm not chasing her around all the time. I have tried to explain that I don't find a tummy sexy. She just calls me Shallow Hal. Advice? -- HAL IN NEW YORK

DEAR HAL: I'd love to know what attracted you to Amanda in the first place, since your "type" seems to have always been women who are arm candy. Sadly, taut bodies don't always last. At some point, age, pregnancies and the pull of gravity can cause them to sag. By the way, with the exception of pregnancy, this can affect men as well as women.

Bottom line: If physical perfection is what you need to feel aroused, then you and Amanda may be a mismatch because NOBODY'S perfect. (And this includes you.)

DEAR ABBY: I have started using an effective coping skill when I get upset about something or someone at work. I "vent" in a personal email to myself and send it to my home email address.

Well, today I got upset with my office buddy, so I sent myself an email. But instead of it going to my home, I mistakenly sent it to her and it hurt her feelings. I never meant for her or anyone else to read it. The technique keeps me from staying angry at work. As soon as I realized what I had done, I sent her an apology and we talked about it afterward.

I feel terrible about hurting her, because she is a sweet person, and it was a complete misunderstanding on my part. She told me she accepted my apology. What else can I do for her, or should I just learn my lesson? -- FLUBBED IT IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLUBBED: I think your apology was enough. However, because it hasn't assuaged your guilt, consider asking if you can treat her to lunch. And in the future, look twice before hitting "send." Better yet, go "old school" and write your thoughts in a notebook you keep in your purse.

DEAR ABBY: I am scheduled to attend a wedding later this month. Well, I just found out the groom's uncle is not a real minister, and that he purchased his minister's license online.

I think it is very disrespectful to people who take religion seriously, and to real ministers who spend years studying in order to be ordained. There's nothing wrong with having a judge preside over the ceremony, but to have a fake minister preside makes the whole ceremony a fraud.

If I say anything, I know it will cause hurt feelings, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. Am I an old fuddy-duddy? -- SILENT IN SPRINGFIELD, ILL.

DEAR SILENT: You are entitled to your feelings, but if this uncle is the person the happy couple wants to officiate, you shouldn't judge. If their choice makes you uncomfortable, stay home.