DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and a sophomore in high school. As someone who is exposed to social media, I see that many people emphasize sex as a sign of love. They seem to be saying a happy marriage cannot survive without sex.

My parents do not have sex and are distant with each other. They have issues between them. I'd like to know if a happy relationship can survive abstinence from sex.

I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Long-term relationships are not an exception. But guys expect the girls they date to have sex with them. Can you help me with this? -- ABSTAINING IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABSTAINING: Because someone "expects" you to have sex does not mean that you are obligated to. The decision is a personal one, and if you prefer to abstain until after you are married, that is your privilege.

A girl who has sex with a boy as a way to hang onto him will be in for a disappointment. If the sex is all that's keeping them together, he will soon wander when he becomes bored and look for another conquest.

You ask if a sexless marriage can be successful and use your parents as an example. (Are you absolutely sure this is true? Or have you assumed it because they are not demonstrative around you?) The direct answer to that question is, sometimes. No two couples are alike. Some stop having sex because they have lowered hormone levels, which makes them less interested. Sometimes one partner is unable to perform because of a medical condition. This doesn't necessarily spell the end of the marriage. It all depends upon the individuals and the situation.

On the other hand, other couples enjoy sex until they are in their 90s. As long as a husband and wife are in agreement about it, the union can be a happy and lasting one.

DEAR ABBY: With the holiday season coming, I want to offer a word of advice to parents who are considering having Santa photos taken of their kids at the mall. I managed one of those concessions and saw the best and the worst of parenting. Forcing kids to get your memory photo of them screaming in terror is ridiculous, and I will add, NOT FUNNY. Parents should take the time to ask the children if they want to see Santa.

If necessary, the parent should be in the photo, too. Don't tell the kids to smile and show their teeth. They'll look like the grill on a Ford. Don't wait till the last days, visit Santa when it's really crowded, enter a long line and then complain that the line is long.

And don't assume it's safe or that the company cares. My boss told me I shouldn't have background checks done because it "cost too much." I ordered them anyway, and when the reports were returned, we had to have one of the Santas removed immediately from the floor. -- SANTA HELPER IN FLORIDA

DEAR SANTA HELPER: Thanks for sharing your insight. I'm all for wanting to capture the memory, and during holiday time, temptation can be hard to resist. But forcing a child who finds Santa terrifying to sit on his lap for a picture doesn't seem like great parenting to me. A better idea would be to wait until Christmas morning and take some candid shots of the child opening his or her presents at home. That way the smiles will be genuine and it will ensure a better outcome for everyone involved.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and older sister are trying to spoil my happiness about my upcoming wedding. I have known my ex-stepmother, "Gina," for 20 years and have been best friends with her for the last 15. We remained close even after she divorced my biological father, who is not in the picture.

I had an appointment to go dress shopping and invited my friends, my mom and Gina (who lives out of state). When I told Mom that Gina was coming, her response was she would come "some other time." Abby, Mom has been remarried for more than 30 years and has spent time with Gina prior to this. It's not like they are enemies.

My older sister doesn't get along with Gina. She told me if Gina is part of the bridal party, she won't come to my wedding. I'm having a bachelorette party in the state where Gina lives. The invitations won't be sent for another few months. When my older sister found out, she accused me of not telling her. I explained that I'm not planning the party, my friend will be sending out the invitations and I wasn't keeping anything from her. She hung up on me!

These two ladies are spoiling what should be a happy time for me. Have I done something that, from an outside perspective, you consider wrong? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING ADVICE

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: Your mother's refusal to participate in the selection of your wedding gown was an example of passive aggression. Your mother and sister aren't trying to spoil your happiness about your wedding. They are trying to manipulate and blackmail you into excluding your former stepmother. From this outsider's perspective, you have done nothing wrong -- but they have.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started volunteering at a wonderful organization and was asked to assist the board with a special project. At the initial meeting with two of the board members, everything was going well until the first board member excused himself and the other one immediately began to badmouth the person who had left the room.

I'm new to volunteering here. Neither board member knows me at all. It made me very uncomfortable and I didn't know how to respond. These two individuals have known each other for many years.

I don't want to get involved in this petty business, but I'll have to work closely with both of them in the coming months. Most of my interactions will be with the person who was spoken about poorly. At least three board members have recently quit because of this person. How should I proceed? -- NEW VOLUNTEER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NEW VOLUNTEER: Proceed by not allowing yourself to get dragged into board politics. If one board member starts badmouthing another, excuse yourself.

If three people have quit, there are obviously problems with the governance of this organization. If you can do your job without getting involved in the dysfunction, stick with it. If you can't, then for your own sanity, find another place to donate your time and talents.

DEAR ABBY: While I was nine months pregnant with my first child, I asked my husband what he would say if I had any problem during my delivery and he was asked to choose between me or the baby. His answer was, "Of course I'd pick the baby because you can never replace the baby." His answer broke my heart. Four days later, my water broke at 36 weeks, and I thank God for giving me a healthy little boy.

While in labor, I was terrified because I had some complications with my health at the beginning of my pregnancy. I can't get it out of my head now, because I feel like my husband doesn't love me. I have tried to talk to him about how it hurt me, but his answer is that this is his belief and I can't change that. Was I wrong for asking him? -- MOTHER IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: I don't think so. You were asking for his reassurance, and I'm sorry you didn't get it. If a child is delivered in a Catholic hospital, the policy is to save the child if a choice must be made. It appears this is also your husband's belief.

My advice is, dry your tears and remember that what he implied about wives being replaceable can also be said about husbands. Perhaps it's time to give serious thought to drawing up a health care directive so that, in the event you should become unable to make decisions for yourself in the future, your wishes are clearly known.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my 20s and out on my own, my father left my mother for his secretary, "Doris." They married soon after. She is a nice enough person, but she can be a little pushy. I have had to work on setting boundaries with her.

Every time we talk or visit -- maybe once a month -- Doris makes a point of telling me she loves me, and it's clear she's hoping I will reciprocate. I'm happy we are on good terms. I'm glad she's married to my dad because he seems happy with her. I'm comfortable with my daughter calling her Grandma. But I can't bring myself to tell her I love her because I don't feel that way about her.

I hoped Doris would get it when I responded with things like, "It's great to see you, too," but it hasn't happened. She's estranged from her own daughter, and I think she wants to feel like she's my mom, which I'm not comfortable with.

Dad refuses to talk about anything related to his wife, so he is of no help. How can I get my stepmother to back off without hurting her feelings? I want to remain on good terms. -- ON GOOD TERMS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ON GOOD TERMS: Try saying this: "You're loved, too, Doris." It's not a lie because your dad does love her, and it may satisfy her if she doesn't see this column.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY