DEAR ABBY: My mother and older sister are trying to spoil my happiness about my upcoming wedding. I have known my ex-stepmother, "Gina," for 20 years and have been best friends with her for the last 15. We remained close even after she divorced my biological father, who is not in the picture.

I had an appointment to go dress shopping and invited my friends, my mom and Gina (who lives out of state). When I told Mom that Gina was coming, her response was she would come "some other time." Abby, Mom has been remarried for more than 30 years and has spent time with Gina prior to this. It's not like they are enemies.

My older sister doesn't get along with Gina. She told me if Gina is part of the bridal party, she won't come to my wedding. I'm having a bachelorette party in the state where Gina lives. The invitations won't be sent for another few months. When my older sister found out, she accused me of not telling her. I explained that I'm not planning the party, my friend will be sending out the invitations and I wasn't keeping anything from her. She hung up on me!

These two ladies are spoiling what should be a happy time for me. Have I done something that, from an outside perspective, you consider wrong? -- DESPERATELY SEEKING ADVICE

DEAR DESPERATELY SEEKING: Your mother's refusal to participate in the selection of your wedding gown was an example of passive aggression. Your mother and sister aren't trying to spoil your happiness about your wedding. They are trying to manipulate and blackmail you into excluding your former stepmother. From this outsider's perspective, you have done nothing wrong -- but they have.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started volunteering at a wonderful organization and was asked to assist the board with a special project. At the initial meeting with two of the board members, everything was going well until the first board member excused himself and the other one immediately began to badmouth the person who had left the room.

I'm new to volunteering here. Neither board member knows me at all. It made me very uncomfortable and I didn't know how to respond. These two individuals have known each other for many years.

I don't want to get involved in this petty business, but I'll have to work closely with both of them in the coming months. Most of my interactions will be with the person who was spoken about poorly. At least three board members have recently quit because of this person. How should I proceed? -- NEW VOLUNTEER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NEW VOLUNTEER: Proceed by not allowing yourself to get dragged into board politics. If one board member starts badmouthing another, excuse yourself.

If three people have quit, there are obviously problems with the governance of this organization. If you can do your job without getting involved in the dysfunction, stick with it. If you can't, then for your own sanity, find another place to donate your time and talents.

DEAR ABBY: While I was nine months pregnant with my first child, I asked my husband what he would say if I had any problem during my delivery and he was asked to choose between me or the baby. His answer was, "Of course I'd pick the baby because you can never replace the baby." His answer broke my heart. Four days later, my water broke at 36 weeks, and I thank God for giving me a healthy little boy.

While in labor, I was terrified because I had some complications with my health at the beginning of my pregnancy. I can't get it out of my head now, because I feel like my husband doesn't love me. I have tried to talk to him about how it hurt me, but his answer is that this is his belief and I can't change that. Was I wrong for asking him? -- MOTHER IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: I don't think so. You were asking for his reassurance, and I'm sorry you didn't get it. If a child is delivered in a Catholic hospital, the policy is to save the child if a choice must be made. It appears this is also your husband's belief.

My advice is, dry your tears and remember that what he implied about wives being replaceable can also be said about husbands. Perhaps it's time to give serious thought to drawing up a health care directive so that, in the event you should become unable to make decisions for yourself in the future, your wishes are clearly known.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my 20s and out on my own, my father left my mother for his secretary, "Doris." They married soon after. She is a nice enough person, but she can be a little pushy. I have had to work on setting boundaries with her.

Every time we talk or visit -- maybe once a month -- Doris makes a point of telling me she loves me, and it's clear she's hoping I will reciprocate. I'm happy we are on good terms. I'm glad she's married to my dad because he seems happy with her. I'm comfortable with my daughter calling her Grandma. But I can't bring myself to tell her I love her because I don't feel that way about her.

I hoped Doris would get it when I responded with things like, "It's great to see you, too," but it hasn't happened. She's estranged from her own daughter, and I think she wants to feel like she's my mom, which I'm not comfortable with.

Dad refuses to talk about anything related to his wife, so he is of no help. How can I get my stepmother to back off without hurting her feelings? I want to remain on good terms. -- ON GOOD TERMS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ON GOOD TERMS: Try saying this: "You're loved, too, Doris." It's not a lie because your dad does love her, and it may satisfy her if she doesn't see this column.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm 23 years old and currently in the county jail. I'm gay and also an addict, having battled a heroin addiction for the past five years.

I managed to stay clean for almost two years. During that time I enrolled in college, got engaged, regained the respect of my family and started to have a normal life. Things were going very well for me, and then I relapsed. I threw everything away.

Abby, I need to know why, when things go well for me, I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy so I self-destruct. I have absolutely no self-confidence. I'm very unhappy. Even when I seem to get what I want, it turns out to be not exactly what I wanted in the end. How can I fix this? I really do want to be happy; I just don't know how. -- UNHAPPY MAN IN INDIANA, PA.

DEAR UNHAPPY: Your arrest may have been a blessing in disguise. It has given you time to think clearly about why you are in this situation. Because you now recognize what your issues are, you have already started on a path to healing.

You say you dislike yourself and your self-esteem is very low. This may be the reason you sabotage yourself when things start going well for you. After your release, a licensed psychotherapist can help you find the answers you're looking for. Your nearest LGBT community center would be a good place to start.

Because you slipped up once doesn't mean you will do it again, so stop beating yourself up and try to think positive. I wish you luck and a successful future.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Gil" a year ago. He was one of the nicest men I'd ever met. At the time, I didn't realize he was a mama's boy. But after we started to talk, I noticed he would repeat everything to his mother. We discussed it and it stopped, but that's when his mom started treating me differently. I'm pretty sure he told her what I had said.

Gil loves my cooking and has told me I cook like she does. I don't know if that's so good. I really like him, but I don't know if I can handle his being such a mama's boy. If he could cut the apron strings, we could have a great relationship. He treats me like a queen. He respects me, never says an unkind word and compliments me often. But if I plan a meal for him and then his mom decides she wants him at her house, he cancels on me because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Gil is 51 and hasn't been in a serious relationship in several years. I'm falling in love with him and don't want to lose him. What do I do, and how do I handle this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN MISSOURI

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: Your mistake is trying to compete with Gil's mother because you can't win. The woman who snags Gil will have to accept that they are a package deal. Not many women these days are willing to accept that, which may be why Gil hasn't had a serious relationship in years.

However, if you are the exception, the way to handle this would be to cultivate (and ingratiate yourself with) his mother. Find out what her favorite flowers are and send them with a sweet note, invite her to join you and Gil for dinner and movies -- and if she offers suggestions about your cooking, accept them gracefully. I wish you luck.