DEAR ABBY: While I was nine months pregnant with my first child, I asked my husband what he would say if I had any problem during my delivery and he was asked to choose between me or the baby. His answer was, "Of course I'd pick the baby because you can never replace the baby." His answer broke my heart. Four days later, my water broke at 36 weeks, and I thank God for giving me a healthy little boy.

While in labor, I was terrified because I had some complications with my health at the beginning of my pregnancy. I can't get it out of my head now, because I feel like my husband doesn't love me. I have tried to talk to him about how it hurt me, but his answer is that this is his belief and I can't change that. Was I wrong for asking him? -- MOTHER IN AMARILLO, TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: I don't think so. You were asking for his reassurance, and I'm sorry you didn't get it. If a child is delivered in a Catholic hospital, the policy is to save the child if a choice must be made. It appears this is also your husband's belief.

My advice is, dry your tears and remember that what he implied about wives being replaceable can also be said about husbands. Perhaps it's time to give serious thought to drawing up a health care directive so that, in the event you should become unable to make decisions for yourself in the future, your wishes are clearly known.

DEAR ABBY: When I was in my 20s and out on my own, my father left my mother for his secretary, "Doris." They married soon after. She is a nice enough person, but she can be a little pushy. I have had to work on setting boundaries with her.

Every time we talk or visit -- maybe once a month -- Doris makes a point of telling me she loves me, and it's clear she's hoping I will reciprocate. I'm happy we are on good terms. I'm glad she's married to my dad because he seems happy with her. I'm comfortable with my daughter calling her Grandma. But I can't bring myself to tell her I love her because I don't feel that way about her.

I hoped Doris would get it when I responded with things like, "It's great to see you, too," but it hasn't happened. She's estranged from her own daughter, and I think she wants to feel like she's my mom, which I'm not comfortable with.

Dad refuses to talk about anything related to his wife, so he is of no help. How can I get my stepmother to back off without hurting her feelings? I want to remain on good terms. -- ON GOOD TERMS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ON GOOD TERMS: Try saying this: "You're loved, too, Doris." It's not a lie because your dad does love her, and it may satisfy her if she doesn't see this column.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I'm 23 years old and currently in the county jail. I'm gay and also an addict, having battled a heroin addiction for the past five years.

I managed to stay clean for almost two years. During that time I enrolled in college, got engaged, regained the respect of my family and started to have a normal life. Things were going very well for me, and then I relapsed. I threw everything away.

Abby, I need to know why, when things go well for me, I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy so I self-destruct. I have absolutely no self-confidence. I'm very unhappy. Even when I seem to get what I want, it turns out to be not exactly what I wanted in the end. How can I fix this? I really do want to be happy; I just don't know how. -- UNHAPPY MAN IN INDIANA, PA.

DEAR UNHAPPY: Your arrest may have been a blessing in disguise. It has given you time to think clearly about why you are in this situation. Because you now recognize what your issues are, you have already started on a path to healing.

You say you dislike yourself and your self-esteem is very low. This may be the reason you sabotage yourself when things start going well for you. After your release, a licensed psychotherapist can help you find the answers you're looking for. Your nearest LGBT community center would be a good place to start.

Because you slipped up once doesn't mean you will do it again, so stop beating yourself up and try to think positive. I wish you luck and a successful future.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Gil" a year ago. He was one of the nicest men I'd ever met. At the time, I didn't realize he was a mama's boy. But after we started to talk, I noticed he would repeat everything to his mother. We discussed it and it stopped, but that's when his mom started treating me differently. I'm pretty sure he told her what I had said.

Gil loves my cooking and has told me I cook like she does. I don't know if that's so good. I really like him, but I don't know if I can handle his being such a mama's boy. If he could cut the apron strings, we could have a great relationship. He treats me like a queen. He respects me, never says an unkind word and compliments me often. But if I plan a meal for him and then his mom decides she wants him at her house, he cancels on me because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Gil is 51 and hasn't been in a serious relationship in several years. I'm falling in love with him and don't want to lose him. What do I do, and how do I handle this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN MISSOURI

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: Your mistake is trying to compete with Gil's mother because you can't win. The woman who snags Gil will have to accept that they are a package deal. Not many women these days are willing to accept that, which may be why Gil hasn't had a serious relationship in years.

However, if you are the exception, the way to handle this would be to cultivate (and ingratiate yourself with) his mother. Find out what her favorite flowers are and send them with a sweet note, invite her to join you and Gil for dinner and movies -- and if she offers suggestions about your cooking, accept them gracefully. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: I have listened to our president and various candidates comment on gun control after the shooting at the college in Oregon. Do you remember the saying, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people"? Gun control is not going to stop this.

What is needed (or at least would help) is more mental health care. It seems every time a person takes the notion to shoot others, someone says, "He was depressed." Never during the 20 years I have battled depression have I ever wanted to shoot anyone. There have been times when the urge to shoot myself was almost overwhelming, but I NEVER felt like shooting a bunch of strangers.

Abby, I'm writing this to defend those of us who are truly fighting depression. -- DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: Misinformation about mental illness is a contributor to the stigma that surrounds it. The triggers that have led to the plague of mass shootings in this country are the result of individuals with severe psychosis and the impossible task their families have faced in getting their loved ones the ongoing medical and psychiatric treatment they needed.

DEAR ABBY: The man I lived with for 25 years, "Craig," and I have split. It was my decision. He now has a new woman in his life, and she is pregnant. Craig and I share a 23-year-old son.

Craig calls me often. He's my best friend and I wish him the best, but I get the feeling he is unhappy with this woman and feels trapped. He calls to ask me for advice and talk about the problems he has with her.

The woman has forbidden him to have contact with me so he has to sneak the calls. Should I not talk to him anymore, or leave it to him to make that decision? It seems to me he still needs me in his life as a friend. Is he emotionally cheating on this new woman? -- SYMPATHETIC EX IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EX: If Craig needs counseling, he should be getting it from an unbiased professional. His lady friend obviously views you as her rival, which is why she has forbidden him to contact you.

It's time to ask yourself how being in the middle of this makes you feel. If the answer is "not good," then tell Craig you don't want to cause problems in his new relationship, and sneaking around is dishonest and childish. And yes, this is a form of cheating because Craig is still emotionally dependent on you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who works in an office building. What's the proper etiquette when the cleaning service is cleaning the restroom? If it's a woman, I tend to go in anyway. If it's a man, I wait (most of the time). -- RESTROOM ETIQUETTE

DEAR R.E.: I don't think there is a rule of etiquette regarding this. When the cleaning crew (or janitor) is in the restroom, there is usually a sign posted to that effect. In many cases, if the janitor is a male in a women's restroom, he will immediately exit the room. However, if that doesn't happen, it's then up to the individual to determine if her call of nature is so urgent it must be heeded immediately.