DEAR ABBY: I'm 23 years old and currently in the county jail. I'm gay and also an addict, having battled a heroin addiction for the past five years.

I managed to stay clean for almost two years. During that time I enrolled in college, got engaged, regained the respect of my family and started to have a normal life. Things were going very well for me, and then I relapsed. I threw everything away.

Abby, I need to know why, when things go well for me, I feel as if I don't deserve to be happy so I self-destruct. I have absolutely no self-confidence. I'm very unhappy. Even when I seem to get what I want, it turns out to be not exactly what I wanted in the end. How can I fix this? I really do want to be happy; I just don't know how. -- UNHAPPY MAN IN INDIANA, PA.

DEAR UNHAPPY: Your arrest may have been a blessing in disguise. It has given you time to think clearly about why you are in this situation. Because you now recognize what your issues are, you have already started on a path to healing.

You say you dislike yourself and your self-esteem is very low. This may be the reason you sabotage yourself when things start going well for you. After your release, a licensed psychotherapist can help you find the answers you're looking for. Your nearest LGBT community center would be a good place to start.

Because you slipped up once doesn't mean you will do it again, so stop beating yourself up and try to think positive. I wish you luck and a successful future.

DEAR ABBY: I met "Gil" a year ago. He was one of the nicest men I'd ever met. At the time, I didn't realize he was a mama's boy. But after we started to talk, I noticed he would repeat everything to his mother. We discussed it and it stopped, but that's when his mom started treating me differently. I'm pretty sure he told her what I had said.

Gil loves my cooking and has told me I cook like she does. I don't know if that's so good. I really like him, but I don't know if I can handle his being such a mama's boy. If he could cut the apron strings, we could have a great relationship. He treats me like a queen. He respects me, never says an unkind word and compliments me often. But if I plan a meal for him and then his mom decides she wants him at her house, he cancels on me because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Gil is 51 and hasn't been in a serious relationship in several years. I'm falling in love with him and don't want to lose him. What do I do, and how do I handle this? -- COMING IN SECOND IN MISSOURI

DEAR COMING IN SECOND: Your mistake is trying to compete with Gil's mother because you can't win. The woman who snags Gil will have to accept that they are a package deal. Not many women these days are willing to accept that, which may be why Gil hasn't had a serious relationship in years.

However, if you are the exception, the way to handle this would be to cultivate (and ingratiate yourself with) his mother. Find out what her favorite flowers are and send them with a sweet note, invite her to join you and Gil for dinner and movies -- and if she offers suggestions about your cooking, accept them gracefully. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: I have listened to our president and various candidates comment on gun control after the shooting at the college in Oregon. Do you remember the saying, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people"? Gun control is not going to stop this.

What is needed (or at least would help) is more mental health care. It seems every time a person takes the notion to shoot others, someone says, "He was depressed." Never during the 20 years I have battled depression have I ever wanted to shoot anyone. There have been times when the urge to shoot myself was almost overwhelming, but I NEVER felt like shooting a bunch of strangers.

Abby, I'm writing this to defend those of us who are truly fighting depression. -- DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: Misinformation about mental illness is a contributor to the stigma that surrounds it. The triggers that have led to the plague of mass shootings in this country are the result of individuals with severe psychosis and the impossible task their families have faced in getting their loved ones the ongoing medical and psychiatric treatment they needed.

DEAR ABBY: The man I lived with for 25 years, "Craig," and I have split. It was my decision. He now has a new woman in his life, and she is pregnant. Craig and I share a 23-year-old son.

Craig calls me often. He's my best friend and I wish him the best, but I get the feeling he is unhappy with this woman and feels trapped. He calls to ask me for advice and talk about the problems he has with her.

The woman has forbidden him to have contact with me so he has to sneak the calls. Should I not talk to him anymore, or leave it to him to make that decision? It seems to me he still needs me in his life as a friend. Is he emotionally cheating on this new woman? -- SYMPATHETIC EX IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EX: If Craig needs counseling, he should be getting it from an unbiased professional. His lady friend obviously views you as her rival, which is why she has forbidden him to contact you.

It's time to ask yourself how being in the middle of this makes you feel. If the answer is "not good," then tell Craig you don't want to cause problems in his new relationship, and sneaking around is dishonest and childish. And yes, this is a form of cheating because Craig is still emotionally dependent on you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who works in an office building. What's the proper etiquette when the cleaning service is cleaning the restroom? If it's a woman, I tend to go in anyway. If it's a man, I wait (most of the time). -- RESTROOM ETIQUETTE

DEAR R.E.: I don't think there is a rule of etiquette regarding this. When the cleaning crew (or janitor) is in the restroom, there is usually a sign posted to that effect. In many cases, if the janitor is a male in a women's restroom, he will immediately exit the room. However, if that doesn't happen, it's then up to the individual to determine if her call of nature is so urgent it must be heeded immediately.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a great relationship. We work in the same school system. He's an administrator; I am a counselor.

We sometimes go to joint meetings, but when we do, he always acts awkward, like he doesn't even know me. I understand we have to behave professionally, but not as if we don't know each other. Recently, we were leaving a meeting and no one was around. I was going to give him a peck on the lips to say goodbye, and he turned away as if he wanted nothing to do with me.

What is the proper etiquette when spouses work together? -- MORE THAN A CO-WORKER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MORE: Demonstrations of physical affection are not appropriate in a workplace situation if other people are present. You say you and your husband have a "great" relationship, so I'm advising you to discuss this with him and tell him how it made you feel.

Because no one was around, there should have been no harm in a simple "peck" goodbye. Personally, I think he owes you an apology. What he did wasn't nice.

DEAR ABBY: My calico cat, Rosie, seems to be fixated on my next-door neighbor Ron. Every morning Rosie grooms herself for an hour, then jumps in the window to watch for Ron to go for his morning run. She sits there until Ron comes out of his house. He exercises a lot and has kept himself in shape, while I admit I have let myself go. As soon as she sees him, Rosie starts purring.

I have to say that I resent this. I provide her with room and board and brush her regularly, but while I'm doing it, she watches the window intently and then bolts to her lookout post if Ron appears. I bought new window treatments, which she scratched her way through, damaging the blinds and shades. Filling her food dish strategically before Ron goes out doesn't deter her.

I love my cat, but I feel she is being unfaithful. What should I do?

P.S. I'm happily married (my wife thinks I'm crazy) and Rosie has been fixed. -- LARRY IN DELAWARE

DEAR LARRY: What a sad situation. Few things are more painful than feeling rejected by a love object. You didn't mention how sedentary you are, but it's possible that Rosie watches Ron because he is a moving object. Consider joining Ron on his runs and you may find Rosie is watching you, too. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to share the affections of your cat. Accept it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I host many holidays, Thanksgiving, Passover, etc. Invariably, everyone gathers in the family room and several people put their legs up on the ottoman with their shoes on. It drives me crazy! I view it as no different than walking on someone's furniture.

My wife thinks I should say something. I actually have done that in the past, but not for years. When I did, it made me look like the bad guy. Is this a weird fetish of mine or am I right? -- PAUL IN BUFFALO GROVE, ILL.

DEAR PAUL: If you prefer that your guests not put their feet on your furniture with their shoes on, speak up and say so. Doing that doesn't make you a bad guy or a fetishist. It's your home, your preference, and it isn't rude to address something that bothers you, especially since it's something that you have mentioned before.