DEAR ABBY: I have listened to our president and various candidates comment on gun control after the shooting at the college in Oregon. Do you remember the saying, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people"? Gun control is not going to stop this.

What is needed (or at least would help) is more mental health care. It seems every time a person takes the notion to shoot others, someone says, "He was depressed." Never during the 20 years I have battled depression have I ever wanted to shoot anyone. There have been times when the urge to shoot myself was almost overwhelming, but I NEVER felt like shooting a bunch of strangers.

Abby, I'm writing this to defend those of us who are truly fighting depression. -- DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR DEPRESSED: Misinformation about mental illness is a contributor to the stigma that surrounds it. The triggers that have led to the plague of mass shootings in this country are the result of individuals with severe psychosis and the impossible task their families have faced in getting their loved ones the ongoing medical and psychiatric treatment they needed.

DEAR ABBY: The man I lived with for 25 years, "Craig," and I have split. It was my decision. He now has a new woman in his life, and she is pregnant. Craig and I share a 23-year-old son.

Craig calls me often. He's my best friend and I wish him the best, but I get the feeling he is unhappy with this woman and feels trapped. He calls to ask me for advice and talk about the problems he has with her.

The woman has forbidden him to have contact with me so he has to sneak the calls. Should I not talk to him anymore, or leave it to him to make that decision? It seems to me he still needs me in his life as a friend. Is he emotionally cheating on this new woman? -- SYMPATHETIC EX IN VIRGINIA

DEAR EX: If Craig needs counseling, he should be getting it from an unbiased professional. His lady friend obviously views you as her rival, which is why she has forbidden him to contact you.

It's time to ask yourself how being in the middle of this makes you feel. If the answer is "not good," then tell Craig you don't want to cause problems in his new relationship, and sneaking around is dishonest and childish. And yes, this is a form of cheating because Craig is still emotionally dependent on you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman who works in an office building. What's the proper etiquette when the cleaning service is cleaning the restroom? If it's a woman, I tend to go in anyway. If it's a man, I wait (most of the time). -- RESTROOM ETIQUETTE

DEAR R.E.: I don't think there is a rule of etiquette regarding this. When the cleaning crew (or janitor) is in the restroom, there is usually a sign posted to that effect. In many cases, if the janitor is a male in a women's restroom, he will immediately exit the room. However, if that doesn't happen, it's then up to the individual to determine if her call of nature is so urgent it must be heeded immediately.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a great relationship. We work in the same school system. He's an administrator; I am a counselor.

We sometimes go to joint meetings, but when we do, he always acts awkward, like he doesn't even know me. I understand we have to behave professionally, but not as if we don't know each other. Recently, we were leaving a meeting and no one was around. I was going to give him a peck on the lips to say goodbye, and he turned away as if he wanted nothing to do with me.

What is the proper etiquette when spouses work together? -- MORE THAN A CO-WORKER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MORE: Demonstrations of physical affection are not appropriate in a workplace situation if other people are present. You say you and your husband have a "great" relationship, so I'm advising you to discuss this with him and tell him how it made you feel.

Because no one was around, there should have been no harm in a simple "peck" goodbye. Personally, I think he owes you an apology. What he did wasn't nice.

DEAR ABBY: My calico cat, Rosie, seems to be fixated on my next-door neighbor Ron. Every morning Rosie grooms herself for an hour, then jumps in the window to watch for Ron to go for his morning run. She sits there until Ron comes out of his house. He exercises a lot and has kept himself in shape, while I admit I have let myself go. As soon as she sees him, Rosie starts purring.

I have to say that I resent this. I provide her with room and board and brush her regularly, but while I'm doing it, she watches the window intently and then bolts to her lookout post if Ron appears. I bought new window treatments, which she scratched her way through, damaging the blinds and shades. Filling her food dish strategically before Ron goes out doesn't deter her.

I love my cat, but I feel she is being unfaithful. What should I do?

P.S. I'm happily married (my wife thinks I'm crazy) and Rosie has been fixed. -- LARRY IN DELAWARE

DEAR LARRY: What a sad situation. Few things are more painful than feeling rejected by a love object. You didn't mention how sedentary you are, but it's possible that Rosie watches Ron because he is a moving object. Consider joining Ron on his runs and you may find Rosie is watching you, too. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to share the affections of your cat. Accept it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I host many holidays, Thanksgiving, Passover, etc. Invariably, everyone gathers in the family room and several people put their legs up on the ottoman with their shoes on. It drives me crazy! I view it as no different than walking on someone's furniture.

My wife thinks I should say something. I actually have done that in the past, but not for years. When I did, it made me look like the bad guy. Is this a weird fetish of mine or am I right? -- PAUL IN BUFFALO GROVE, ILL.

DEAR PAUL: If you prefer that your guests not put their feet on your furniture with their shoes on, speak up and say so. Doing that doesn't make you a bad guy or a fetishist. It's your home, your preference, and it isn't rude to address something that bothers you, especially since it's something that you have mentioned before.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 22 and my mom is probably my best friend. She's from Lebanon and grew up during a time of war. Her culture taught her to sacrifice -- to put the needs of others before her own. She has a good job and earns an excellent salary.

My father is retired. Their marriage is not a good one, and Mom is in sort of a rut. She dresses sloppy and buys only "bargains." Her hair is always a mess. Every time we go shopping, it's a fight because I want her to buy the nice clothes she can afford. I want her to be presentable. But she's stubborn and always makes an excuse for why she "doesn't need them" or "can't get them." How should I handle this situation? -- CARING DAUGHTER IN ENCINO, CALIF.

DEAR CARING DAUGHTER: Where is the money your mother earns going? Is she saving or investing it? Does she give it to your father? She may present herself the way she does because she's depressed about her marriage or something else. Before trying again to give your mother an image reboot, talk with her. Tell her you love her, are concerned about her, and ask why she doesn't take better care of herself. Then listen. Your mother may come from another culture, but she has much to teach you.

DEAR ABBY: Up to this point in my academic career, I have always been known for being a smart, diligent student. I graduated from high school with academic accolades and one of the highest GPAs in the graduating class.

However, since starting college this semester, I have become apathetic toward school, as if to say, "I have worked this hard already; why bother working anymore?" Because of this, I'm failing most of my classes -- as only a freshman, mind you. Although I recognize my attitude is terrible, I haven't been able to get rid of it and get to work again.

I'm confused about where this apathy came from, and I don't want it to get any worse. Would you have any ideas as to why I might feel this way, and possible suggestions about how to get myself back on track? -- UNMOTIVATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR UNMOTIVATED: Not knowing you and your circumstances, I can't be sure why you're feeling the way you do. That's why I'm advising you to head for the student counseling center right away, and talk to someone about these feelings of "apathy." You may be depressed, or need a break from your studies before you can go full speed ahead. The college environment can be overwhelming because it is so different from what you have been used to. But you won't know what is causing this unless you ask.