DEAR ABBY: I'm 22 and my mom is probably my best friend. She's from Lebanon and grew up during a time of war. Her culture taught her to sacrifice -- to put the needs of others before her own. She has a good job and earns an excellent salary.

My father is retired. Their marriage is not a good one, and Mom is in sort of a rut. She dresses sloppy and buys only "bargains." Her hair is always a mess. Every time we go shopping, it's a fight because I want her to buy the nice clothes she can afford. I want her to be presentable. But she's stubborn and always makes an excuse for why she "doesn't need them" or "can't get them." How should I handle this situation? -- CARING DAUGHTER IN ENCINO, CALIF.

DEAR CARING DAUGHTER: Where is the money your mother earns going? Is she saving or investing it? Does she give it to your father? She may present herself the way she does because she's depressed about her marriage or something else. Before trying again to give your mother an image reboot, talk with her. Tell her you love her, are concerned about her, and ask why she doesn't take better care of herself. Then listen. Your mother may come from another culture, but she has much to teach you.

DEAR ABBY: Up to this point in my academic career, I have always been known for being a smart, diligent student. I graduated from high school with academic accolades and one of the highest GPAs in the graduating class.

However, since starting college this semester, I have become apathetic toward school, as if to say, "I have worked this hard already; why bother working anymore?" Because of this, I'm failing most of my classes -- as only a freshman, mind you. Although I recognize my attitude is terrible, I haven't been able to get rid of it and get to work again.

I'm confused about where this apathy came from, and I don't want it to get any worse. Would you have any ideas as to why I might feel this way, and possible suggestions about how to get myself back on track? -- UNMOTIVATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR UNMOTIVATED: Not knowing you and your circumstances, I can't be sure why you're feeling the way you do. That's why I'm advising you to head for the student counseling center right away, and talk to someone about these feelings of "apathy." You may be depressed, or need a break from your studies before you can go full speed ahead. The college environment can be overwhelming because it is so different from what you have been used to. But you won't know what is causing this unless you ask.

DEAR ABBY: My sister "Adele" chose to adopt a baby boy when she was in her late 50s. She isn't married. Before the adoption, she asked me if something happened to her, would I take care of the child. I had already raised my children and was going through a divorce, so I said, "No. I'm too old and I want to enjoy my future retirement." She got mad.

Adele is now approaching 70 with a high-maintenance 12-year-old son she has signed up for every extracurricular activity under the sun. I have seen him twice since the adoption. If and when the question comes up again, how do I handle it? -- AUNT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR AUNT: After you refused her request, your sister probably asked someone else -- someone more involved in her and her son's daily lives -- to step in. However, if she didn't, then in the event of her death or a serious illness that renders her unable to parent her son, you may have to decide what you are prepared to do.

Cross your fingers and hope she remains healthy until her boy reaches adulthood. Then consider this: Your nephew is no longer a little boy. In six years he will be 18. It's not as if you would be changing diapers and arranging for day care. It shouldn't ruin your retirement to take him in if he has no one else. Remember the Golden Rule.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old who has been dating a great guy for a year. The relationship is everything I have dreamed of -- and more. My only concern is that my friends don't seem to care much for him. That doesn't bother me, but what does bother me is they are distancing themselves from me now.

I'm no longer invited to gatherings. My "best friend" doesn't keep in touch anymore, and I have given up on trying to reach out every time. If I do manage to talk to her, she makes an excuse to get off the phone as quickly as possible.

I have never done this to any of my friends, regardless of whom they were dating or what life threw at them. Is this a normal part of life? Should I reconsider my friendships? -- BOTHERED IN BOSTON

DEAR BOTHERED: Relationships sometimes ebb and flow. Before "reconsidering" these friendships, have a frank and honest chat with these women about why they don't like your boyfriend. That your BFF would treat you the way she has is puzzling, unless she's jealous because you spend so much time with your boyfriend or he has offended her in some way.

On a different note, does this man have friends of his own? Do the two of you socialize with other couples? Having been together for a year, are you making new friends together? If the answer to these questions is yes, then it may, indeed, be time to move on from this tribe of girlfriends.

DEAR ABBY: I loved the letter from "Ready for the Reunion" (July 31), who wondered why some people in her high school graduating class didn't respond to the notice of the reunion. Some of us would like to completely forget high school and everything associated with it.

I missed my 10th, 20th, 30th and 40th year reunions. I did consider going to the last one, but then I started reading my former classmates' posts on the reunion website. It seems everyone is retired, wealthy, has numerous grandchildren, at least one retirement home in an exotic locale and spends their time relaxing and jetting around (or so they say). I'm still working, not wealthy, not particularly successful and have moved from my home state to the backwoods of middle America. Basically, I have a boring life, so I have nothing to brag about. I didn't go.

I'm still in contact with the important people in my life from high school and just don't need the aggravation of attending a reunion. -- STAYING HOME

DEAR STAYING: Thank you for your input. I received a large number of responses to that letter, many of which were emotionally charged:

DEAR ABBY: My class just had its 45th reunion. I live 20 miles away, but have never attended one and I never will.

My best friend and I were bullied, insulted and excluded by our high school peers. After 45 years, we are still close friends. Neither of us has any desire to see any of those people ever again.

High school was a miserable experience for us, and we couldn't wait to graduate and go off to college. Why would we want to socialize with them now? We forgave them long ago, but have no desire to relive those days. People need to realize that sometimes we move on and don't need to revisit the past. -- CAROL IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: My high school experience was traumatic to the point that it put me in therapy. People who look forward to these things look back on their high school days with fondness. I'm guessing that's because they weren't picked on for being fat, not coming from a rich family or being a minority.

I would rather walk barefoot across broken glass than spend another minute with my high school class. I ignore the invitations because my mother taught me if I can't say anything nice, I should say nothing at all. -- RAY IN SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: Successful turnouts often occur as a result of personal outreach from the committee. A personalized note, phone call or other kind of targeted communication ("Dear Susie, we'd love to see you again. Please come.") will make a difference to an alum. -- FORMER REUNION PLANNER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: Of the 280 missing students, for a quarter of them to be deceased would be par for the course. "Ready" should create a Facebook Groups page for her high school graduating class. Ours is very popular -- 35 percent of our former classmates are already part of it. -- PETER IN NAPLES, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: It is possible that many of the graduates never received the invitation. Email contact information, phone numbers and addresses change often. I didn't receive anything about my 10-year reunion, but a few of my friends said they did. I can't respond to an invitation I didn't receive. -- ROD IN OMAHA