DEAR ABBY: My husband works as a bouncer at a strip club. I was OK with it at first, but then he started making friends with the dancers and waitresses. They exchange phone numbers, and he talks to some of them late at night when I'm sleeping. I get upset and jealous that these women are getting his time. It causes fights. What should I do? -- WIFE OF A TEXAS BOUNCER

DEAR WIFE: Is your husband placing these calls, or are the women calling him? Tell him you feel they are a threat to your marriage and ask why the calls happen after you have gone to bed.

It's possible the conversations are innocent. The women may relate to him because his job makes them feel "safe" with him. Many co-workers converse after work. Because a woman works in a strip club doesn't mean she's a predator.

However, because the timing of these calls bothers you, ask him if he would have them call before work rather than afterward when you would like him in bed with you.

DEAR ABBY: I host holiday dinners and always invite my husband's side of the family as well as mine. Each time, my brother's wife, "Arlene," asks if my husband's family will be there, and says if they are, they won't attend. They are the only ones who don't show up; all the rest of my family does.

When I asked Arlene if she has a problem with my husband's side of the family, she said no, she just feels we don't pay as much attention to her when there is "so much family."

I have tried having separate dinners, but as the years have passed, it has gotten harder to cook two Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter dinners on separate days. After 30 years of this, I'm tired of having my feelings hurt and trying to please my brother and his wife. How am I supposed to respond when she texts me telling me that if it's just our family they'll attend? -- TIRED OF IT IN IOWA

DEAR TIRED: You are too kind. I wish you had asked this question 30 years ago because, if you had, I could have spared you a lot of grief. The next time your self-centered sister-in-law pulls that stunt, send her a text saying, "Sorry you can't make it. We'll miss you!" Then add a smiling emoji.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter sent out save-the-date cards for her wedding next year. Many of our family members live out of state and abroad.

Save-the-date cards were also sent to my co-workers. When the wedding happens, I will have been gone from that company for three months. Does sending the card obligate us to invite people who will then be my former co-workers? -- UNSURE IN FORT LAUDERDALE

DEAR UNSURE: Yes. If you don't send an invitation or an explanation, your former co-workers may feel they were asked to save the date not because they were considered friends, but that it was a bid for more gifts for your daughter. And they wouldn't be wrong.

DEAR ABBY: When reading letters in your column concerning breast cancer, my heart goes out to every single person who has ever been diagnosed with this terrible disease. I have no respect for any man who cuts and runs when his wife is diagnosed with cancer.

But what do you think about a woman who is diagnosed and whose husband remains with her through the fear and worry, the chemo, radiation, hair loss and all the follow-up? A husband who worries constantly for her and whose biggest fear is losing his wonderful wife, and after all this -- she leaves him for another man?

It has been more than seven years. I'm asking for feedback in the hope that people can view this issue not just from my perspective, but also from the afflicted loved one's perspective as well. -- STILL WONDERING

DEAR STILL WONDERING: A diagnosis of a life-threatening illness can make a marriage stronger or it can destroy it. While I'm reluctant to attribute a reason for what your wife did without hearing from her, I can't help but think that she left because the cancer made her realize how short life is and, as much as you loved her, the marriage wasn't a fulfilling one for her.

How sad for you, and I'm truly sorry. Because it's clear you haven't yet been able to get beyond what happened, you could benefit from discussing this with a licensed psychotherapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am considering proposing to my girlfriend, "Angela." My problem is, I'm having doubts because I don't know if she is "The One" -- or if such a thing really exists. I don't want to lose her because I'm searching for some mythical goddess on a pedestal. Angela is my best friend and I'd do anything for her. I don't want to string her along, but I'm not sure if what I'm experiencing is just cold feet.

Next year I will be in medical school through the military. I think I want to move our relationship forward, but I could use some advice. Please help me make sure I don't hurt her, either by proposing when I shouldn't, or by leaving in search of the Holy Grail of relationships. -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Why are you are putting this pressure on yourself now? Because you are unsure, you should leave for medical school. Once you are there, you will be immersed in your studies and you will also meet others. If your feelings for Angela are as strong as they are now after six months, revisit the idea of proposing marriage. But don't do it now if in your heart you're looking for a woman with qualities Angela doesn't possess, because it would be unfair to both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and live with my parents. My dad is an alcoholic who has finally figured out that he has had a problem for years. When I was in sixth grade, he left me once in the middle of the night (Mom was out of town) to go out drinking. Ever since that night, I have felt so much pain. I feel like I'm not important -- or why else would he leave me?

He thinks it's OK to talk to me about what he does and how much he regrets it. I love him, but I don't want to hear about how he got drunk the night before or anything like that! It has added a lot of stress to my life. I get all A's in school and I'm in accelerated classes, but recently it has become really hard to concentrate with all of this going on at home. What should I do? -- STRESSED TEEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR STRESSED TEEN: Tell your mother exactly what you have told me. Your father appears to be trying to use you as his therapist to assuage his guilt about his drinking. Not only is this unfair to you, it is also not a solution to his problem. He should be talking about those things in a substance abuse meeting, not to his teenager.

Alateen is a support group for children of alcoholics. It would be helpful for you to go online and find the location of the nearest one. The website is www.al-anon.alateen.org, or you can call 1-888-425-2666. The group was formed for young people just like you, and you will find it not only informative, but also very helpful.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a partner in a small law firm. One of the secretaries has gotten into the habit of texting him somewhat inappropriate pictures. One of them was of a "willy warmer" for a penis. I know she thinks it's funny and harmless, but it bothered me. I think it was unprofessional and went beyond the boundaries of an employee relationship. If I mention it to my husband, he will know I looked at his phone messages, and I don't want him to think I don't trust him. Am I making too much of this? -- THE MRS., SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR MRS.: I don't think so. I agree that what the secretary did was unprofessional and inappropriate. As an attorney, your husband already knows that kind of communication could leave the company vulnerable in the future. You wouldn't have felt the need to check his cellphone if your woman's intuition wasn't telling you that you needed to, so get to the bottom of it now, before it escalates.

DEAR ABBY: I secretly married a man 14 years ago. No one knew about it. We lost contact for several years, but now we are talking again. I'd like to spend the rest of my life with him.

He's happy living where he is right now, but if we did get back together, people would assume I just let a man move in with me. I don't usually care what people say about me, but this is a small town!

If Mr. Wonderful gives me another chance, how should I handle this? And how should I introduce him to people? -- KIND OF MARRIED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR KIND OF MARRIED: There is nothing to be embarrassed about. If you never divorced, introduce him as your husband, of course. It's the truth. If you are questioned, all you need to say is, "We were married, became estranged, and now we're back together."