DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Janet" for eight years. We have been very close, talk often, and go to lunch three times a month. We are like two peas in a pod and have always been honest with each other. Our relationship is open and aboveboard.

On a recent holiday, I went to her house for a party, got drunk and made an inappropriate comment to one of her friends, who had also had too much to drink. Janet called me out in front of the others, demanded I apologize, told me that what I had said was disrespectful, and said she doesn't want to see me again.

Abby, she tossed out an eight-year friendship over one comment. I don't understand. Do you? -- STUPID GUY OUT WEST

DEAR GUY: Not knowing what you said, I can only guess it was so far off the charts that you offended not only the person to whom the comment was directed, but also Janet and the other guests at the party. She may have reacted the way she did because you have done similar things in the past. You will have a clearer understanding if you talk to her about it when you call to apologize.

DEAR ABBY: What can I do about my boss? I have worked at a bus company for 23 years. My new boss started six months ago. He jokes and laughs with all the other ladies in the office, but when it comes to me, he's all business. He talks to me only about things that are work-related, and when I try to talk to him about anything else, he gives me a forced grin and walks away. Any suggestions? -- FEELING LEFT OUT

DEAR FEELING: Your new boss may be intimidated because of your seniority and experience. It may also be because of your age. I am unsure of his reason for treating you differently, but your next move should be to have a talk with your boss to express your feelings about this.

DEAR ABBY: Would you like to know how my mom reduced the stress of Thanksgiving on our family? My siblings all live locally, so holidays became more and more complicated as they tried to plan around both sides of the family and start family traditions of their own with their kids.

Mom solved the problem by moving our Thanksgiving celebration to the Sunday before. That way we had Saturday to prepare, didn't have kids asking all morning when we were going to eat and didn't have to compete with a football game. Mom put the turkey in the oven on Sunday morning before we went to church, and an hour after we got home it was ready to eat.

My folks and single siblings let people know they were available on Thanksgiving Day and were invited to the homes of other family or friends. As Mom grew older, the gathering became a potluck and other relatives were invited, including the in-laws who were not available on Thursday. -- CARRYING ON THE TRADITION

DEAR CARRYING ON: You mention your mother in the past tense, so I assume that she is no longer with us. If she were, I would ask you to please tell her for me that her solution was brilliant.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old sister, "Lara," who has four children with her deadbeat "boyfriend," lives at my 57-year-old mother's house and cheats on him. Mom is suspicious because Lara sometimes doesn't come home from work, and she's always using the excuse that she's "going to a friend's house." This leaves my mother baby-sitting Lara's children.

Should I keep out of it while watching my nieces and nephews suffer? I don't know what to tell Mom when she calls me to vent. As Lara's brother, should I say something to get the message across? -- SON/BROTHER/UNCLE IN DETROIT

DEAR S/B/U: Your nieces and nephews aren't suffering. They're safe and supervised by their imposed-upon grandmother, who seems unable to tell her daughter that she refuses to be taken advantage of any longer. I see no reason to hesitate to say something. The next time your mother calls to vent, by all means speak up.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Raul," has been having the same issue all of his adult life, but it's new to me because we have been together only a few years.

Raul was born in Mexico, but has been raised in the United States since he was an infant. For some reason, every time Raul and I go somewhere, whether it be the bank, restaurant, store, etc., people always speak to him in Spanish and direct English questions/remarks to me.

At first, I thought it was funny and would tease him about it. But now I see how much it annoys him. I want to help him address the issue in an appropriate manner. What's the best way to respond (other than in English) that their assumption of his limited language ability is offensive? -- SANDRA IN SYLMAR, CALIF.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm sure no one does this to be intentionally offensive. However, because being spoken to in Spanish annoys your boyfriend, all he has to do is smile and say, "I speak English." That ought to fix the problem.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Adele" has been divorced for more than 20 years. I didn't mention it to my neighbors, so no one knows her marital status. To me, this is a family affair and not for publication.

Adele met a nice gentleman who recently sent her flowers for her birthday. The florist delivered them to the wrong address. When I went to get them, I could tell the neighbor had read the card because it wasn't in the little plastic holder the florists use.

She counted the flowers "for" me, 12 roses, pointed to my daughter's name on the envelope, and then had the gall to read the card to me and ask if I know the sender! I was so shocked I took the vase and left without comment.

This woman, a schoolteacher no less, has more nerve than brains. Our neighborhood friendship is now over. What do I say to her when I see her? -- PEEVED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: Frankly, the less said to your nosy neighbor the better because she's the kind of person who is best avoided. If you haven't already, tell your daughter what happened so she can make sure her gentleman friend has her correct address, or complain to his florist so nothing more gets misdelivered.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. For the past few years I have been depressed to the point where I have considered cutting myself. I also struggle with anxiety and avoid social situations in order not to experience it.

Mom only knows about my anxiety, but I have been sugarcoating it when I talk to her because I don't want her to worry. Abby, we don't have insurance and are already very poor, so I don't want to burden my family with my problems, which I know would cost a lot of money to treat. What do you suggest I do? -- NEEDS HELP IN MISSOURI

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Because you are afraid to worry your mother, discuss what's going on with a counselor at your school. Please don't wait to do it. That person may have the ability to see you get the professional help you need. It may not be too much for your mother to afford and may even be free.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student who has never been in a relationship. I try to be as much of an extrovert as possible, but it's hard for me.

I have romantic feelings for a guy I have known for two years. When we see each other in class, we hug and talk a little. I'm having trouble telling him how I feel because, as I've learned from past experience, he may not feel the same.

I don't want to be a big baby about this, but I have a fear of rejection. I have experienced it numerous times. I know it's a part of life, but I don't know if I can take it again. Please tell me what to do about this guy. I can't stop thinking about him. -- HOPELESS ROMANTIC

DEAR HOPELESS ROMANTIC: Before declaring your feelings, get to know a little more about your classmate, like whether he's romantically involved with someone else. A way to do that would be to suggest having coffee after class or helping each other study for an exam. Neither of those approaches would be "risky." If he agrees, you will have a better chance of gauging whether he's attracted to you, too. Because he hugs you when he sees you, it's safe to assume he is not repelled.

Let me let you in on a little secret: I don't know anyone who, having experienced rejection, has found it pleasurable. Some of the most successful people I know have encountered rejection more than once, but they didn't let it stop them. Because your fear is preventing you from reaching out, talk about it with a psychologist at the student health center. If you do, it may help you feel more confident in putting yourself out there.

DEAR ABBY: We give each of our grandchildren a check for every birthday. We would like to stop when each child reaches the age of 18. Please give us an idea of what to write in a letter to each child as we send the final check on his/her 18th birthday. -- LONGTIME READER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR READER: I see no reason to make an announcement with the "last check." When the 19th birthday rolls around, send a card marking the special day -- and explaining then the reason why there is no check included.