DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old sister, "Lara," who has four children with her deadbeat "boyfriend," lives at my 57-year-old mother's house and cheats on him. Mom is suspicious because Lara sometimes doesn't come home from work, and she's always using the excuse that she's "going to a friend's house." This leaves my mother baby-sitting Lara's children.

Should I keep out of it while watching my nieces and nephews suffer? I don't know what to tell Mom when she calls me to vent. As Lara's brother, should I say something to get the message across? -- SON/BROTHER/UNCLE IN DETROIT

DEAR S/B/U: Your nieces and nephews aren't suffering. They're safe and supervised by their imposed-upon grandmother, who seems unable to tell her daughter that she refuses to be taken advantage of any longer. I see no reason to hesitate to say something. The next time your mother calls to vent, by all means speak up.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Raul," has been having the same issue all of his adult life, but it's new to me because we have been together only a few years.

Raul was born in Mexico, but has been raised in the United States since he was an infant. For some reason, every time Raul and I go somewhere, whether it be the bank, restaurant, store, etc., people always speak to him in Spanish and direct English questions/remarks to me.

At first, I thought it was funny and would tease him about it. But now I see how much it annoys him. I want to help him address the issue in an appropriate manner. What's the best way to respond (other than in English) that their assumption of his limited language ability is offensive? -- SANDRA IN SYLMAR, CALIF.

DEAR SANDRA: I'm sure no one does this to be intentionally offensive. However, because being spoken to in Spanish annoys your boyfriend, all he has to do is smile and say, "I speak English." That ought to fix the problem.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Adele" has been divorced for more than 20 years. I didn't mention it to my neighbors, so no one knows her marital status. To me, this is a family affair and not for publication.

Adele met a nice gentleman who recently sent her flowers for her birthday. The florist delivered them to the wrong address. When I went to get them, I could tell the neighbor had read the card because it wasn't in the little plastic holder the florists use.

She counted the flowers "for" me, 12 roses, pointed to my daughter's name on the envelope, and then had the gall to read the card to me and ask if I know the sender! I was so shocked I took the vase and left without comment.

This woman, a schoolteacher no less, has more nerve than brains. Our neighborhood friendship is now over. What do I say to her when I see her? -- PEEVED ON THE WEST COAST

DEAR PEEVED: Frankly, the less said to your nosy neighbor the better because she's the kind of person who is best avoided. If you haven't already, tell your daughter what happened so she can make sure her gentleman friend has her correct address, or complain to his florist so nothing more gets misdelivered.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. For the past few years I have been depressed to the point where I have considered cutting myself. I also struggle with anxiety and avoid social situations in order not to experience it.

Mom only knows about my anxiety, but I have been sugarcoating it when I talk to her because I don't want her to worry. Abby, we don't have insurance and are already very poor, so I don't want to burden my family with my problems, which I know would cost a lot of money to treat. What do you suggest I do? -- NEEDS HELP IN MISSOURI

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Because you are afraid to worry your mother, discuss what's going on with a counselor at your school. Please don't wait to do it. That person may have the ability to see you get the professional help you need. It may not be too much for your mother to afford and may even be free.

DEAR ABBY: We give each of our grandchildren a check for every birthday. We would like to stop when each child reaches the age of 18. Please give us an idea of what to write in a letter to each child as we send the final check on his/her 18th birthday. -- LONGTIME READER IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR READER: I see no reason to make an announcement with the "last check." When the 19th birthday rolls around, send a card marking the special day -- and explaining then the reason why there is no check included.

DEAR ABBY: Printing this letter could save some lives -- maybe even your own.

In the United States, eight people die every day (on average) in house fires. Tragically, about half of these deaths could have been prevented with an inexpensive device that takes just a few minutes to install and costs only a few dollars to maintain.

I'm talking about smoke alarms. Smoke alarms are the cheapest life insurance money can buy. They are one of the most successful public health innovations in history, but 71 percent of smoke alarms that failed to operate during the last year had missing, disconnected or dead batteries.

For the 28th year, the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) is proud to partner with Energizer, the manufacturer of batteries, flashlights and lanterns, in the Change Your Clock Change Your Battery program. Together, we're asking your readers to make sure they have working smoke alarms that have been installed correctly, and to test their existing batteries -- or install fresh ones -- in conjunction with the end of daylight saving time on Sunday, Nov. 1.

In a fire, seconds count. A working smoke alarm can literally mean the difference between life and death. This program ensures that residents will have a working smoke alarm, giving them and their families the critical early warning needed to escape a fire. That precious time also helps to protect firefighters, reducing the likelihood they'll have to enter a burning home to rescue someone trapped inside.

Learn more about the program by visiting energizer.com/firesafety or the IAFC at iafc.org. Readers should also check with their local fire departments because many of them offer discounted or free programs to install working smoke alarms in low-income areas in their communities. Thanks, Abby. -- FIRE CHIEF RHODA MAE KERR, IAFC PRESIDENT AND CHAIR OF THE BOARD

DEAR CHIEF KERR: I'm pleased to publicize your lifesaving effort. Readers, daylight saving time is also lifesaving time. Changing and testing the batteries in your smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors when setting the clocks back can save your lives and the lives of the people you love. Every family should also have a fire safety evacuation plan and practice it so that everyone is prepared to evacuate should an emergency occur. A great start to establishing that safety plan is to recognize that this is the ideal time to buy and install those batteries.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was going to a meeting at the home of a fellow temple member. Because I was baking for a cookie exchange and had plenty available, I sent a lovely plate of cookies with him. The hostess thanked him, but didn't serve them. I'm fine with that. But as he was leaving, she presented him with the still-wrapped plate and said she "couldn't possibly" accept them. Is it me, or is that odd? -- COOKIE BAKER

DEAR COOKIE BAKER: Yes, I think it's odd -- unless the hostess or someone attending the meeting had a severe allergy to an ingredient that might have been in the cookies, such as nuts. While it was not unusual (or rude) to not use the gift of food in the meeting, it was odd to return it.