life

Small Investment in Smoke Alarms Reaps Big Benefits

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: Printing this letter could save some lives -- maybe even your own.

In the United States, eight people die every day (on average) in house fires. Tragically, about half of these deaths could have been prevented with an inexpensive device that takes just a few minutes to install and costs only a few dollars to maintain.

I'm talking about smoke alarms. Smoke alarms are the cheapest life insurance money can buy. They are one of the most successful public health innovations in history, but 71 percent of smoke alarms that failed to operate during the last year had missing, disconnected or dead batteries.

For the 28th year, the International Association of Fire Chiefs (IAFC) is proud to partner with Energizer, the manufacturer of batteries, flashlights and lanterns, in the Change Your Clock Change Your Battery program. Together, we're asking your readers to make sure they have working smoke alarms that have been installed correctly, and to test their existing batteries -- or install fresh ones -- in conjunction with the end of daylight saving time on Sunday, Nov. 1.

In a fire, seconds count. A working smoke alarm can literally mean the difference between life and death. This program ensures that residents will have a working smoke alarm, giving them and their families the critical early warning needed to escape a fire. That precious time also helps to protect firefighters, reducing the likelihood they'll have to enter a burning home to rescue someone trapped inside.

Learn more about the program by visiting energizer.com/firesafety or the IAFC at iafc.org. Readers should also check with their local fire departments because many of them offer discounted or free programs to install working smoke alarms in low-income areas in their communities. Thanks, Abby. -- FIRE CHIEF RHODA MAE KERR, IAFC PRESIDENT AND CHAIR OF THE BOARD

DEAR CHIEF KERR: I'm pleased to publicize your lifesaving effort. Readers, daylight saving time is also lifesaving time. Changing and testing the batteries in your smoke alarms and carbon monoxide detectors when setting the clocks back can save your lives and the lives of the people you love. Every family should also have a fire safety evacuation plan and practice it so that everyone is prepared to evacuate should an emergency occur. A great start to establishing that safety plan is to recognize that this is the ideal time to buy and install those batteries.

Health & Safety
life

Baker Is Shocked When Gift Of Cookies Returns Untouched

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 30th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband was going to a meeting at the home of a fellow temple member. Because I was baking for a cookie exchange and had plenty available, I sent a lovely plate of cookies with him. The hostess thanked him, but didn't serve them. I'm fine with that. But as he was leaving, she presented him with the still-wrapped plate and said she "couldn't possibly" accept them. Is it me, or is that odd? -- COOKIE BAKER

DEAR COOKIE BAKER: Yes, I think it's odd -- unless the hostess or someone attending the meeting had a severe allergy to an ingredient that might have been in the cookies, such as nuts. While it was not unusual (or rude) to not use the gift of food in the meeting, it was odd to return it.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Granddaughter With Sticky Fingers Is Caught in the Act

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 29th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I caught my 12-year-old granddaughter stealing. She took one of my favorite hair products, which isn't a big deal, but I'm torn over how to approach her and if I should inform her parents. There was another possible theft once before when she visited me. Some makeup blush disappeared. I dismissed it, but now I have concerns.

How should I handle this? I love her unconditionally, but this needs to be addressed and I don't know how. I'm prepared that she might deny my accusation. Then what? -- ALARMED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR ALARMED: Tell your granddaughter that you enjoy having her visit, but you noticed that several items had disappeared after she stayed with you. Ask her if she took them. Regardless of how she responds, tell her that if she wants to use something of yours, before she does, she should ask permission. If it happens after that, discuss it with her parents then.

Family & Parenting
life

Boyfriend's House Is Off Limits To Heroin Addict

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 29th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My brother is a recovering heroin addict. He stayed clean for almost a year until a few months ago, when he relapsed. He hasn't used again since his slip and continues to go to outpatient treatment.

My boyfriend, whom I recently moved in with, doesn't want him to come to the house. He says it's to protect "his nest," and I understand why. I have tried talking with him about it because I feel that I can't have any other family members over, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. My brother heard he isn't welcome and I feel absolutely terrible.

I'm not sure how to rectify the situation. If my boyfriend can't accept my family, how is this relationship supposed to last? But another part of me wonders if his feelings are justified, and perhaps I have been too accepting of all the mistakes and grief my brother has caused my family and me. -- SAD SISTER IN OHIO

DEAR SAD SISTER: If your brother has stolen from the family in order to feed his habit, your boyfriend has a valid point in not wanting him in the house. His reaction is intelligent. However, the ban should not extend to your entire family, and this is something you need to clarify. If your boyfriend's objective is to isolate you from all of your relatives, it's a red flag that shouldn't be ignored.

AddictionFamily & ParentingLove & Dating
life

Baby's Tears At Wedding May Cause Distracting Sideshow

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 29th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is marrying a wonderful young man who not only loves her, but also her 7-month-old daughter, who is not his. My question is one of etiquette. During the wedding ceremony, if my granddaughter starts crying, should I get up and leave with her? She's a little Mama's girl and might start to fuss.

I'd hate to miss my daughter's wedding, but don't want it to be ruined for her guests. What is the proper thing to do? -- BRIDE'S MOM ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR BRIDE'S MOM: The proper thing to do is to ask your daughter -- well in advance of the wedding -- what she would like done in the event that her daughter starts crying or acting up during the ceremony.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Boyfriend Takes Distrust to Frightening Extremes

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 28th, 2015 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm madly in love with a man I've been dating for almost a year, but I don't think he's in love with me. He claims he's been hurt twice from two failed marriages.

He keeps giving me mixed signals. He questions me about my male friends constantly. He shows up at my apartment without calling in hopes that he will catch me with another man.

During his last drive-by, he saw me in my car at midnight listening to music while surfing the Web on my phone. Of course, he thought I was on the way out to a boyfriend's house because I had my gym bag and a grocery bag in the front seat with me. He ordered me to open my bags so he could see if I had any overnight clothes inside. After he saw there were no clothes, he calmed down.

I don't know if I should keep this relationship going or if I should abandon ship. Could you please let me know how I should handle my situation? -- MIXED SIGNALS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: You may be madly in love with this man, but unless you have agreed that your relationship with him is exclusive, he should not be grilling you about your friendships with your male friends. That he comes over with no notice hoping to catch you cheating is more than a little sick, and what he pulled during his midnight prowl is off the charts.

It is important that you understand the only way he will ever overcome his insecurities and inability to trust will be with professional help. He is so messed up that you could enter a convent and he would mount a security camera at the back door to make sure you weren't going out on him.

Not only should you abandon ship, you should run like heck once you reach dry land. Hasn't it occurred to you that this may be the reason two wives left him?

Love & DatingMental Health
life

Cost Of Vasectomy Reversal Is Only One Problem In This Marriage

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 28th, 2015 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am older than my wife by 10 years. We have been married six years, and we have six children between us. We tried for another, but my wife miscarried.

I decided to have a vasectomy because my wife was determined to have a baby without regard for my wishes or the extreme stress happening in our lives at the time. Begrudgingly, I am going to have it reversed, even though the cost of the procedure is more than we can afford right now. I believe we have other, more important issues to put the money toward.

This is a hot topic, and it always leads to fights. I don't know if our relationship will last much longer if it isn't resolved. Advice, Abby? -- ANGUISHED IN AUSTIN

DEAR ANGUISHED: Put that vasectomy reversal on hold. What you and your wife need far more is to resolve the problems in what is clearly a very troubled marriage. Do not consider surgery until these matters have been put to rest because whatever is going on, another baby is NOT the answer.

Marriage & DivorceMoney
life

Family Treasurer Refuses To Account For Reunion Money

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 28th, 2015 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: One person handles the money for our family reunion every year. Only that one person knows how much comes in and how much is spent. We all would like copies of the treasurer's report, but he refuses. Is this right for a treasurer of any organization? -- PUZZLED PENNY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PENNY: No, it isn't. If you think this relative may be behaving dishonestly, the rest of the family should agree that another individual will receive the monies for the next reunion and provide an accounting when the family is all together again.

Family & ParentingMoney

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