DEAR ABBY: I caught my 12-year-old granddaughter stealing. She took one of my favorite hair products, which isn't a big deal, but I'm torn over how to approach her and if I should inform her parents. There was another possible theft once before when she visited me. Some makeup blush disappeared. I dismissed it, but now I have concerns.

How should I handle this? I love her unconditionally, but this needs to be addressed and I don't know how. I'm prepared that she might deny my accusation. Then what? -- ALARMED IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR ALARMED: Tell your granddaughter that you enjoy having her visit, but you noticed that several items had disappeared after she stayed with you. Ask her if she took them. Regardless of how she responds, tell her that if she wants to use something of yours, before she does, she should ask permission. If it happens after that, discuss it with her parents then.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is a recovering heroin addict. He stayed clean for almost a year until a few months ago, when he relapsed. He hasn't used again since his slip and continues to go to outpatient treatment.

My boyfriend, whom I recently moved in with, doesn't want him to come to the house. He says it's to protect "his nest," and I understand why. I have tried talking with him about it because I feel that I can't have any other family members over, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. My brother heard he isn't welcome and I feel absolutely terrible.

I'm not sure how to rectify the situation. If my boyfriend can't accept my family, how is this relationship supposed to last? But another part of me wonders if his feelings are justified, and perhaps I have been too accepting of all the mistakes and grief my brother has caused my family and me. -- SAD SISTER IN OHIO

DEAR SAD SISTER: If your brother has stolen from the family in order to feed his habit, your boyfriend has a valid point in not wanting him in the house. His reaction is intelligent. However, the ban should not extend to your entire family, and this is something you need to clarify. If your boyfriend's objective is to isolate you from all of your relatives, it's a red flag that shouldn't be ignored.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is marrying a wonderful young man who not only loves her, but also her 7-month-old daughter, who is not his. My question is one of etiquette. During the wedding ceremony, if my granddaughter starts crying, should I get up and leave with her? She's a little Mama's girl and might start to fuss.

I'd hate to miss my daughter's wedding, but don't want it to be ruined for her guests. What is the proper thing to do? -- BRIDE'S MOM ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR BRIDE'S MOM: The proper thing to do is to ask your daughter -- well in advance of the wedding -- what she would like done in the event that her daughter starts crying or acting up during the ceremony.

DEAR ABBY: I'm madly in love with a man I've been dating for almost a year, but I don't think he's in love with me. He claims he's been hurt twice from two failed marriages.

He keeps giving me mixed signals. He questions me about my male friends constantly. He shows up at my apartment without calling in hopes that he will catch me with another man.

During his last drive-by, he saw me in my car at midnight listening to music while surfing the Web on my phone. Of course, he thought I was on the way out to a boyfriend's house because I had my gym bag and a grocery bag in the front seat with me. He ordered me to open my bags so he could see if I had any overnight clothes inside. After he saw there were no clothes, he calmed down.

I don't know if I should keep this relationship going or if I should abandon ship. Could you please let me know how I should handle my situation? -- MIXED SIGNALS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: You may be madly in love with this man, but unless you have agreed that your relationship with him is exclusive, he should not be grilling you about your friendships with your male friends. That he comes over with no notice hoping to catch you cheating is more than a little sick, and what he pulled during his midnight prowl is off the charts.

It is important that you understand the only way he will ever overcome his insecurities and inability to trust will be with professional help. He is so messed up that you could enter a convent and he would mount a security camera at the back door to make sure you weren't going out on him.

Not only should you abandon ship, you should run like heck once you reach dry land. Hasn't it occurred to you that this may be the reason two wives left him?

DEAR ABBY: I am older than my wife by 10 years. We have been married six years, and we have six children between us. We tried for another, but my wife miscarried.

I decided to have a vasectomy because my wife was determined to have a baby without regard for my wishes or the extreme stress happening in our lives at the time. Begrudgingly, I am going to have it reversed, even though the cost of the procedure is more than we can afford right now. I believe we have other, more important issues to put the money toward.

This is a hot topic, and it always leads to fights. I don't know if our relationship will last much longer if it isn't resolved. Advice, Abby? -- ANGUISHED IN AUSTIN

DEAR ANGUISHED: Put that vasectomy reversal on hold. What you and your wife need far more is to resolve the problems in what is clearly a very troubled marriage. Do not consider surgery until these matters have been put to rest because whatever is going on, another baby is NOT the answer.

DEAR ABBY: One person handles the money for our family reunion every year. Only that one person knows how much comes in and how much is spent. We all would like copies of the treasurer's report, but he refuses. Is this right for a treasurer of any organization? -- PUZZLED PENNY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PENNY: No, it isn't. If you think this relative may be behaving dishonestly, the rest of the family should agree that another individual will receive the monies for the next reunion and provide an accounting when the family is all together again.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recent nursing school graduate. My husband and I have a 1-year-old, and I just found out I'm pregnant again.

I'd like to get a job as soon as I can. My question is, should I tell prospective employers I'm pregnant? I don't want to be passed over because of my "condition," but I also don't want to be hired and immediately inform them I'll need time off when the baby comes. Am I legally or ethically obligated to disclose that I'm pregnant at an interview? -- A NURSE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NURSE: I think you have an ethical obligation to inform your prospective employer. However, you are not legally obligated to disclose that you are pregnant. If you were not hired because of your pregnancy, you might have a claim for discrimination. And the same is true if you were retaliated against for not volunteering the information.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 12 years, "Marie," has a serious gambling problem. Every night, she goes straight from work to the casino and stays there at least until 1 a.m. We both have low-paying jobs, and we can't afford this. Every time I mention it she gets really mad and stalks out of the room. Not only is it an expensive habit, but I hardly ever get to see her anymore. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CONFUSED: It appears you are married to a gambling addict who is in denial. That's why it's important to separate your finances from hers if you can. A lawyer can help you do that.

There is an organization that might help you called Gam-Anon. It's a 12-step fellowship for husbands, wives, relatives or friends of compulsive gamblers who have been affected by their loved one's problem. Its website is www.gam-anon.org. Please check it out.

DEAR ABBY: We live in the Pacific Northwest and lately there has been a lot of news about an impending major earthquake due to hit our region. We understand it may not happen for a very long time, but it could also strike soon. We are planning to move to another part of the U.S. for our safety. My employer has an office there, and I can retain my job status and seniority.

The problem we see is, what do we tell people -- friends and co-workers -- about the reason for this transfer? We don't want to come off as "Chicken Little" for something that may not occur within our lifetimes, but we also don't want to endanger ourselves unnecessarily. Should we just say we are moving for "family reasons" or tell the truth or something else? -- RUNNING AWAY IN VANCOUVER

DEAR RUNNING AWAY: Living in Southern California, this subject comes up in conversation periodically whenever we have a tremor. Years ago, after one of them, I met a woman who informed me that she and her husband were moving out of state for the same reason you are doing it. (I hope she's enjoying the winters!)

If you are not comfortable informing people that your reason for relocating is fear of an untimely death, I don't think you are required to. It wouldn't be dishonest, however, to say that you are looking for a new adventure.