DEAR ABBY: I'm madly in love with a man I've been dating for almost a year, but I don't think he's in love with me. He claims he's been hurt twice from two failed marriages.

He keeps giving me mixed signals. He questions me about my male friends constantly. He shows up at my apartment without calling in hopes that he will catch me with another man.

During his last drive-by, he saw me in my car at midnight listening to music while surfing the Web on my phone. Of course, he thought I was on the way out to a boyfriend's house because I had my gym bag and a grocery bag in the front seat with me. He ordered me to open my bags so he could see if I had any overnight clothes inside. After he saw there were no clothes, he calmed down.

I don't know if I should keep this relationship going or if I should abandon ship. Could you please let me know how I should handle my situation? -- MIXED SIGNALS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MIXED SIGNALS: You may be madly in love with this man, but unless you have agreed that your relationship with him is exclusive, he should not be grilling you about your friendships with your male friends. That he comes over with no notice hoping to catch you cheating is more than a little sick, and what he pulled during his midnight prowl is off the charts.

It is important that you understand the only way he will ever overcome his insecurities and inability to trust will be with professional help. He is so messed up that you could enter a convent and he would mount a security camera at the back door to make sure you weren't going out on him.

Not only should you abandon ship, you should run like heck once you reach dry land. Hasn't it occurred to you that this may be the reason two wives left him?

DEAR ABBY: I am older than my wife by 10 years. We have been married six years, and we have six children between us. We tried for another, but my wife miscarried.

I decided to have a vasectomy because my wife was determined to have a baby without regard for my wishes or the extreme stress happening in our lives at the time. Begrudgingly, I am going to have it reversed, even though the cost of the procedure is more than we can afford right now. I believe we have other, more important issues to put the money toward.

This is a hot topic, and it always leads to fights. I don't know if our relationship will last much longer if it isn't resolved. Advice, Abby? -- ANGUISHED IN AUSTIN

DEAR ANGUISHED: Put that vasectomy reversal on hold. What you and your wife need far more is to resolve the problems in what is clearly a very troubled marriage. Do not consider surgery until these matters have been put to rest because whatever is going on, another baby is NOT the answer.

DEAR ABBY: One person handles the money for our family reunion every year. Only that one person knows how much comes in and how much is spent. We all would like copies of the treasurer's report, but he refuses. Is this right for a treasurer of any organization? -- PUZZLED PENNY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PENNY: No, it isn't. If you think this relative may be behaving dishonestly, the rest of the family should agree that another individual will receive the monies for the next reunion and provide an accounting when the family is all together again.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recent nursing school graduate. My husband and I have a 1-year-old, and I just found out I'm pregnant again.

I'd like to get a job as soon as I can. My question is, should I tell prospective employers I'm pregnant? I don't want to be passed over because of my "condition," but I also don't want to be hired and immediately inform them I'll need time off when the baby comes. Am I legally or ethically obligated to disclose that I'm pregnant at an interview? -- A NURSE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR NURSE: I think you have an ethical obligation to inform your prospective employer. However, you are not legally obligated to disclose that you are pregnant. If you were not hired because of your pregnancy, you might have a claim for discrimination. And the same is true if you were retaliated against for not volunteering the information.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 12 years, "Marie," has a serious gambling problem. Every night, she goes straight from work to the casino and stays there at least until 1 a.m. We both have low-paying jobs, and we can't afford this. Every time I mention it she gets really mad and stalks out of the room. Not only is it an expensive habit, but I hardly ever get to see her anymore. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CONFUSED: It appears you are married to a gambling addict who is in denial. That's why it's important to separate your finances from hers if you can. A lawyer can help you do that.

There is an organization that might help you called Gam-Anon. It's a 12-step fellowship for husbands, wives, relatives or friends of compulsive gamblers who have been affected by their loved one's problem. Its website is www.gam-anon.org. Please check it out.

DEAR ABBY: We live in the Pacific Northwest and lately there has been a lot of news about an impending major earthquake due to hit our region. We understand it may not happen for a very long time, but it could also strike soon. We are planning to move to another part of the U.S. for our safety. My employer has an office there, and I can retain my job status and seniority.

The problem we see is, what do we tell people -- friends and co-workers -- about the reason for this transfer? We don't want to come off as "Chicken Little" for something that may not occur within our lifetimes, but we also don't want to endanger ourselves unnecessarily. Should we just say we are moving for "family reasons" or tell the truth or something else? -- RUNNING AWAY IN VANCOUVER

DEAR RUNNING AWAY: Living in Southern California, this subject comes up in conversation periodically whenever we have a tremor. Years ago, after one of them, I met a woman who informed me that she and her husband were moving out of state for the same reason you are doing it. (I hope she's enjoying the winters!)

If you are not comfortable informing people that your reason for relocating is fear of an untimely death, I don't think you are required to. It wouldn't be dishonest, however, to say that you are looking for a new adventure.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I have been back together for eight months. We were divorced for two years, during which time he remarried. We stayed in contact during his second marriage and he says he still loves me, so he left her.

He's now back with me after living on his own for a few months. I'm frustrated because he won't commit to me again. He says he has forgiven me for what broke up our marriage, but he will never consider remarrying me.

He says he has lost faith in all women. He says one marriage to me was enough and that he's confused. He told me it's fine with him if I put my rings back on. He introduces me as his wife when we're out together, but won't divorce his second wife.

I know I'm coming on too strong and pressuring him to be the man he used to be. I just don't think it's right that he should get all the benefits of having his wife and children back with none of the commitment. Should I back off and give him time to heal, or am I trapping myself in a hopeless relationship that's going to leave me a divorcee? -- HOPELESS IN MISSOURI

DEAR HOPELESS: I think we both know the answer to that. Your ex has stated clearly that he will never consider remarrying you. Under these circumstances, your wedding rings should remain in the drawer. While he may introduce you as his wife, you are NOT his wife. His WIFE is his wife, which entitles her to all the rights and privileges of her status as a spouse according to the laws of Missouri.

Be prepared to give your ex plenty of time to "heal" while living on his own. If he is confused, insist that he work his issues through with a therapist. Allowing him to stay with you while married to someone else was a mistake. You should have thought through how the arrangement might affect your children before you agreed to it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother comes from a large family. While most of the time everyone is kind and fairly respectful, there have been several occasions when gossiping family members have said hurtful things.

Most recently, a comment was made about my 29-year-old brother. He is unmarried and isn't dating anyone. He works two jobs and also participates in fishing tournaments. Someone commented that he "must be gay" because he "has guys sleep over at his house" and "doesn't have a girlfriend."

For the record, my brother is straight. His fishing teammates sleep over because they leave at 3 a.m. for their tournaments.

This really annoyed my mom and me. It's no one's business how he chooses to live his life, straight or gay. While we try to distance ourselves from their comments, staying quiet about them is becoming more and more difficult. What can we say without sinking to their level? -- SEETHING IN OHIO

DEAR SEETHING: How about being direct: "My brother/son is not gay. Please stop spreading rumors about him that aren't true because it's really annoying."