DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been in a lesbian relationship for 14 years. They recently took me to lunch and informed me that her partner, "Nicole," is in the process of transitioning to a male.

Nicole has now legally changed her name to "Nick" and has begun hormone treatments. They have been going to counseling for the past six months. Since Nick began the transition, I have seen him three times. Last week when I was visiting, I accidentally called Nick by the wrong pronoun, "she" instead of "he" a couple of times. I was either immediately corrected or ignored until I realized I had used the wrong word. It hurt my feelings.

After I got home I sent Nick a text to apologize and explain that it would take time for me to get used to saying "Nick" and referring to him as a he. I told them their correcting me bothered me. All weekend I could tell they were irritated with me, and I felt it was uncalled for.

What do you say? Am I wrong to feel hurt that they haven't given me a chance to get used to the new name? -- MARGARET IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR MARGARET: Adjusting to gender reassignment takes time for all concerned. As your letter illustrates, there are often more people involved than the individual making the change.

It seems only natural that you would need some time to adjust. However, it also seems to me that you are being overly sensitive about what happened. Your daughter and her partner were right to correct you for your slip of the tongue, and it wasn't rude for them to do so. How else is a person to learn that a mistake was made if it isn't pointed out?

DEAR ABBY: Recently, 12 of us women from a retirement home in Dayton were having lunch at a local steakhouse. As we were digging in our purses for money and coupons, our server informed us that we did not owe anything for our bills! He said a gentleman who had been seated nearby had taken care of what we owed. It seems the day we were there was his late mother's birthday.

There are some very good people in this world. We want him to know how very much we appreciated his kind gesture, and we have pledged to "pay it forward" whenever we can. -- BLESSED IN OHIO

DEAR BLESSED: I don't know who originated this saying, but your letter certainly proves the truth of it: A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pond; its ripples continue ever outward. Thank you for an upper of a letter.

DEAR ABBY: We were visiting our son and daughter-in-law last weekend. When I had to use the facilities downstairs, I told her the hand towel was missing. I had used that bathroom the day before. Guess what she said? "Well, that's what pants are for."

Abby, she wasn't joking! We see them only twice a year because we live five hours away. Could they be short of money or what? Should I send her some hand towels? -- WET HANDS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WET HANDS: By all means. And don't forget a short, sweet note thanking her for her "hospitality."

DEAR ABBY: I work for a court, and while I was at work the bailiff informed me he had civil papers to serve on my husband. When I called my husband to tell him, he sounded scared that I knew about it. When I dug a little deeper, I found out they were child support papers from a woman he'd had an affair with. He has been wiring her money behind my back for two years.

Abby, I have been with this man for 12 years. I had suspected affairs before, but he always came up with convincing answers and fooled me into thinking it was nothing. I guess I'm naive -- or him being a cop has taught him how to lie and cleverly manipulate.

I have two children, and of course I left him. I haven't told my son why I divorced his dad because I don't want him to have a bad opinion of him.

I need advice. I'm now struggling and barely making ends meet. My son is mad at me because I can't fix my relationship with his father. We are having a hard time, but my ex isn't. He's living it up while staying with relatives. He cancels visits with his son at the last minute to spend time with other women.

I try not to get angry, because no matter how I'm hurting I know I'm better off without him. How do I let the anger go? Romantically, I feel I have moved on, but another part of me feels he should suffer too. -- ANGRY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ANGRY: Nobody likes to be played for a fool, and you wouldn't be human if you didn't have these feelings. However, resist the temptation to be vengeful. Your ex may suffer when your son is old enough to realize that he can't count on his dad to keep his word or be there for him. Bide your time. While you shouldn't poison the children against him, do let them draw their own conclusions.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, while I was still in college, I dated and fell in love with a married man I'll call "Jon." The split was messy in the end, but since then we have had our closure and moved on with our lives -- divorce for him, and marriage for me.

I recently learned that Jon may be taking a position in my small company (only nine people). I believe we can be cordial, but should I approach the subject with him, or pretend it never happened? Do I tell my husband (who knows about the affair) that Jon will be working with me, or keep quiet? -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Of course you tell your husband. If you don't and he finds out Jon will be working with you, he will assume that you had something to hide. As to bringing up the past with Jon once he shows up, if he doesn't broach the subject, I don't think you should. Keep the relationship strictly business, for both your sakes.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 16 years. We have three boys, ages 12, 6 and 2. My 6-year-old doesn't sleep in his bed. He sleeps on the couch. My wife sleeps in a recliner in the den. The 2-year-old usually sleeps with her. Sometimes he sleeps in a crib in our room. I sleep by myself in a king-size bed.

There is no possibility for romance. The only time there can be is when my wife comes to bed. If this happens, I know something is going to take place, but I have no chance to initiate. Our sex life is totally up to her. Once a month or so is fine with her, but not for me.

I have told her how I feel about our "sleeping arrangements," but nothing has changed. I know I snore, but she has not complained about it keeping her awake or used it as an excuse.

Our 6-year-old will not sleep in his bed as long as his mother sleeps in the recliner. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be to get him in his bed. Do you have any advice on what I should do or say about this situation? -- SLEEPING SOLO IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SLEEPING SOLO: Obviously this arrangement isn't working for you. Unless you want to live the rest of your life this way, you are complaining to the wrong woman.

Your wife is doing the children no favors by allowing these unorthodox sleeping arrangements. It's time to lay your cards on the table with her. Tell her you need some straight answers about why she's unwilling to share your bed. But if her answers are not forthcoming, marriage counseling may be necessary to improve your level of communication.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw a link on Facebook to a fundraising site for the son of a childhood friend. (He is under 18.) When I clicked on it, I discovered he is in rehab at a private-care facility that requires he stay for months. It is very expensive. I contributed as generously as I could, considering my limited finances, and received a thank-you for my support. I was happy to help.

Now, less than three weeks later, I'm seeing pictures of my friend on vacation. I don't plan to say anything to this person, but I have learned a valuable lesson. From now on, I will donate my hard-earned money only to organizations I believe in and have researched.

Is this a new trend, people asking others to fund their family problems so they can go on with life as usual? I recently saw a GoFundMe page for a funeral, and I know the family is well-off. I think this is very tacky. Or am I behind the times? Your thoughts? -- NO VACATION FOR ME

DEAR NO VACATION: More than a few individuals are using crowdfunding to pay for various things. It has helped some people enormously in their time of need. But for someone who is not in need to do this, I agree is tacky. However, regardless of what you and I may think, it's happening nonetheless. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I guess.