DEAR ABBY: My son, a widower with two boys, ages 6 and 9, has just informed me that his 33-year-old girlfriend, "Karen," is pregnant and due in five months. He started seeing her three months after his wife died, and they have been an item for eight months. She has been staying at his house every weekend, and plans to move in with him soon.

Karen has never been married and has no children, so she will become a stepmom and a new mom in a short period of time. Neither my son nor Karen seems to realize how difficult it will be to bring a stepparent into this situation, especially with a new baby on the way. One of the boys will have to give up his bedroom when the baby arrives. I'm concerned that the boys will be overwhelmed by this, when they have not yet been able to effectively deal with the death of their mother.

I think this relationship has moved too fast and they are clueless about how all this will affect the boys. My son has told me I need to "get over it, it's his life and his kids." Is there anything I can do to help the boys process all of this and adjust to the new situation? -- WISE LADY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WISE LADY: Nowhere in your letter have you mentioned that the boys are depressed or acting out. They probably like Karen or the relationship wouldn't have lasted as long as it has.

It appears that in trying to be helpful you may have come across as negative or judgmental. If that's true, apologize to your son and suggest that if the adjustment becomes difficult for his boys, a family therapist could help to nip any problems in the bud. Then cross your fingers and hope it isn't necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. Half of his family are smokers. Every year, there has been a family gathering at his dad's house. Since the birth of my first child, smoking has become forbidden in that home.

This year, however, the party will be held at the home of another where smoking will be permitted. I can't handle smoke. It gives me a sore throat and I cough for a week after exposure. Because of my reaction and for the health of my children, I don't want to attend. (When we get home we have to immediately shower and launder our clothing to get rid of the smell.)

My husband is adamant that we should attend and bring the kids. He was raised around smoking and doesn't see what the "big deal" is. What can I say or do to convince him not to force me and our children to be exposed to the health hazards of secondhand smoke? Am I being unreasonable because it's only one night a year? -- HATER OF SMOKING IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR HATER OF SMOKING: I think so. Much as you might like, you can't raise your children in a bubble. I would hate to see you isolate your children from their aunts, uncles, cousins and any grandparents who are still alive during their once-a-year holiday celebration.

If you would prefer not to attend because you can't stand the smell of the smoke, stay home. But do not prevent your children from knowing the family. Assuming they don't have health issues, one evening of exposure to cigarette smoke shouldn't be harmful.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old single mom of two young girls. After my divorce, I returned to my hometown where my family is. I'm enrolled in school full time and set to graduate in two semesters. I have a 3.7 GPA, my girls are well-adjusted and well-behaved, and I have my own place. My mom primarily watches my girls when I'm in school, and I feel lucky to have her support.

The other day, Mom came into my room and opened my bedside drawer. Like most people, this is where I keep my most private things. She discovered that I had a pack of cigarettes and some marijuana. Abby, I don't smoke often, but sometimes when the kids are down and things are taken care of, I like to smoke a joint, watch some shows and fall asleep. I take care of my responsibilities, and I don't feel like an occasional joint impacts me negatively.

Mom now says she will no longer watch her grandchildren and doesn't want to see me again! I feel completely hurt, violated and disrespected. We said some nasty things to each other, and I can't help but feel like she is completely wrong for reacting the way she did. Any advice would be much appreciated. -- RESPONSIBLE (OCCASIONAL) SMOKER IN OHIO

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: Your mother overreacted, but she should not have been going into your drawer(s). Apologize for whatever you said to her in the heat of anger. (She should also apologize to you for snooping.) Make whatever arrangements you need for child care apart from your mother, and either quit smoking or do it away from your home.

Children are a lot sharper than they are often given credit for, and their sense of smell is particularly acute. In a few short years, they will recognize that Mommy "smokes," so quit setting a bad example. That way, when you tell them that smoking is bad for their health, you won't be a hypocrite.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for a year. Before we met, my husband posted pictures of his ex on his Facebook page photo album. I have asked him to remove them because I feel insulted and hurt. I don't think it's right his keeping them on the page now that we are married. I feel it's disrespectful to our marriage and inconsiderate.

We have been fighting over this, and it's ruining our relationship. Can you enlighten me about this? -- NO. 1 LADY IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR LADY: I don't blame you for being upset. By now your husband should have outgrown the need to publicize his previous conquests. While your husband may be thinking that keeping the pictures up makes him look worldly, what it shows is his insensitivity to the woman he married, and I think that's sad for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from "She's Killing Them in Indiana" (July 8) and your response to the writer, whose friend is HIV-positive and doesn't tell her partners her diagnosis. I am a disease intervention specialist (DIS) in Indiana and work specifically with STDs like HIV.

In Indiana there is a duty to warn law that requires anyone who is HIV-positive to inform any past or present sexual or needle-sharing partners of her/his HIV status. At the time of diagnosis, all providers inform the patient of this, and DIS's like me are required to get a signed copy of this law from HIV-positive individuals.

This year there was a large outbreak of HIV in a rural southern area of Indiana. More than 100 new infections occurred within just three short months. If individuals like this woman do not inform partners, then the risk is high for another outbreak.

The person who wrote you should contact the Indiana State Department of Health's Recalcitrant Program and inform them of this situation. All information is kept confidential. Counseling could be provided, and then if she continues not informing, legal action could be taken against her. -- MELISSA MURAWSKI

DEAR MELISSA: Readers were upset about the gravity of that letter. They felt it was not only a health issue but also one of morality, and the legal issues could land the writer's friend in serious trouble, including jail. You are right that the person who wrote that letter should contact the appropriate authorities and report her friend's dangerous and risky behavior.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Like all couples do, we've had our ups and downs, but we love each other very much. Two months ago, we welcomed our first son into our family; we are overjoyed.

Raising a newborn has its challenges because babies don't come with an owner's manual. Our communication has always been good, and we work hard in our relationship to keep it that way. When we disagree, we try not to fight in front of the baby or raise our voices.

But something my wife does bothers me. She talks about me to the baby. An example: "Apparently you're too stressful for Daddy right now, but not for me." I have asked her to please not do it. I understand that he's only 2 months old and can't understand her, but I don't feel disparaging me in front of him is right. Am I wrong? Or am I being overly sensitive? -- NEEDS HELP IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS HELP: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. It is important for an infant's development that the parents talk to him or her. While your baby may be too young to understand what's being said right now, your wife is forming a habit that both of you may regret later. It implies that she is the "good mommy" and you are the "bad daddy" who can't deal with his son. If this continues, at some point the boy WILL get the message, and it won't be good for the relationship you have with her or the one you have with your son.