DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding the letter from "She's Killing Them in Indiana" (July 8) and your response to the writer, whose friend is HIV-positive and doesn't tell her partners her diagnosis. I am a disease intervention specialist (DIS) in Indiana and work specifically with STDs like HIV.

In Indiana there is a duty to warn law that requires anyone who is HIV-positive to inform any past or present sexual or needle-sharing partners of her/his HIV status. At the time of diagnosis, all providers inform the patient of this, and DIS's like me are required to get a signed copy of this law from HIV-positive individuals.

This year there was a large outbreak of HIV in a rural southern area of Indiana. More than 100 new infections occurred within just three short months. If individuals like this woman do not inform partners, then the risk is high for another outbreak.

The person who wrote you should contact the Indiana State Department of Health's Recalcitrant Program and inform them of this situation. All information is kept confidential. Counseling could be provided, and then if she continues not informing, legal action could be taken against her. -- MELISSA MURAWSKI

DEAR MELISSA: Readers were upset about the gravity of that letter. They felt it was not only a health issue but also one of morality, and the legal issues could land the writer's friend in serious trouble, including jail. You are right that the person who wrote that letter should contact the appropriate authorities and report her friend's dangerous and risky behavior.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been together for 10 years. Like all couples do, we've had our ups and downs, but we love each other very much. Two months ago, we welcomed our first son into our family; we are overjoyed.

Raising a newborn has its challenges because babies don't come with an owner's manual. Our communication has always been good, and we work hard in our relationship to keep it that way. When we disagree, we try not to fight in front of the baby or raise our voices.

But something my wife does bothers me. She talks about me to the baby. An example: "Apparently you're too stressful for Daddy right now, but not for me." I have asked her to please not do it. I understand that he's only 2 months old and can't understand her, but I don't feel disparaging me in front of him is right. Am I wrong? Or am I being overly sensitive? -- NEEDS HELP IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS HELP: I don't think you're being overly sensitive. It is important for an infant's development that the parents talk to him or her. While your baby may be too young to understand what's being said right now, your wife is forming a habit that both of you may regret later. It implies that she is the "good mommy" and you are the "bad daddy" who can't deal with his son. If this continues, at some point the boy WILL get the message, and it won't be good for the relationship you have with her or the one you have with your son.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college sophomore and have been dating my boyfriend, "Evan," for nearly a year. I am planning to take a semester abroad at the beginning of my junior year.

Recently, Evan confessed that if I leave, our relationship would have to end. He asserts that being away from me for more than three months would be too painful and scary, not knowing if I was all right. (He has some anxiety issues, for which I have urged him to consider therapy.)

Should I end this relationship now, or continue to see if Evan changes his mind? There's a possibility, depending on program availability and class requirements, that I may not even be able to go. I don't want to break any hearts or inflict any pain. Evan is my best friend, and I'm scared of losing him. -- AMBITIOUS STUDENT IN MARYLAND

DEAR STUDENT: Gather your courage and tell Evan that you love him and want him to be your best friend forever, but that the semester abroad is an opportunity to grow. By the way, your absence will provide Evan with one, too, if he chooses to avail himself of it.

You are right that he needs to work on his anxiety issues. It would be a huge mistake to let them stand in the way of your having the experience of a lifetime if you are lucky enough to get it. There are worse things than being alone, and one of them is being attached to a partner who would hold you back.

DEAR ABBY: I am 50, own my home and am debt-free. I have friends but have never dated anyone. This doesn't bother me, although many of my close friends joke with me about being a "50-year-old virgin."

My problem is, four years ago I lost my job. I have a few investments and a small inheritance that, when combined, give me an income of $60,000 a year. So I don't need more money.

Although I did look for another job for two years, I haven't tried for the past two. I tell my friends I've decided to retire. They keep telling me I need to find a job because I need something to keep me busy. I remind them that I have enough money for everything I need.

Friends have started telling me I may have a "problem" and should think about counseling. I see no need for it, but have decided to get an outside opinion. So, Abby, should I see a counselor about my lack of interest in finding a new job? -- OUT OF WORK IN TEXAS

DEAR OUT OF WORK: There are reasons people work besides the financial one. Social stimulation is important, too. I am glad you have the money to support yourself now, but what if something unplanned or catastrophic happens in the future that jeopardizes your nest egg?

Fifty is young to "retire." The counseling you're considering should be used to determine why you lack the motivation to continue being a contributing member of society. (This may be the "problem" your friends are hinting at.)

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Iris" is having her annual Halloween party. Each year I wear a costume I pull together without spending extra money. This year I'll be dressing as a cowgirl, and I have arranged to borrow a few items for the costume.

As a rule, I keep my costume a surprise and don't ask others what they're going to wear. By chance, Iris and I ran errands together and she wanted to pick up her husband's costume while we were out. She chose a cowboy costume.

I considered changing my costume, but then I started wondering why I should, when I had already made arrangements. Before Iris paid for the costume, I told her about mine. She put her husband's costume back and said she'd select something else later.

There was no argument, but I wonder if I was obligated to tell her. Would it have been bad if I had just gone ahead and shown up as a cowgirl without saying anything? -- WONDERING IN THE WILD WEST

DEAR WONDERING: It would only have been "bad" if Iris had planned to dress as a cowgirl to complement her husband's costume. Personally, I think you did the right thing by being up-front.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband, "Elliot," for six years, married for two. We're financially stable and have great, supportive families.

One of our biggest issues is that Elliot needs to be emotionally coddled, and I give in to it. It's taxing to be the strong one all the time, and the result is I don't feel as attracted to him. He complains that I'm "not fun" anymore or that I'm a "prude."

Now that I'm pregnant, things have gotten worse. I expected to be treated like a pregnant goddess, but Elliot feels no emotional attachment to our baby and is afraid of becoming a father. I find it hard to deal with because we planned this pregnancy.

We have been fighting a lot lately, and while he was out, I read his journal. It stated that he knows he doesn't love his wife anymore. Since that day I have been a wreck, but I have been unable to talk to him about it.

Every morning he tells me he loves me. Now I ask him, "Are you sure?" to which he replies, "Of course!" Is he lying? Should I confront him about the journal entry even though I invaded his privacy? -- PREGNANT GODDESS IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR PREGNANT GODDESS: Recognize that Elliot is less emotionally mature than you are, which is why you have been stuck in the role of being "the strong one." Once the baby comes, you will have less time to coddle him, which may make him jealous. People have good days and bad ones. Your husband may have been having a bad one when he wrote what you read.

This may seem like blasphemy, but not all fathers-to-be are excited when faced with the reality of impending parenthood. Some are intimidated, which may be what Elliot is feeling. You may find that once the baby arrives he will bond with him/her. However, if it doesn't happen, or if you continue to feel emotionally isolated, you both should start marriage counseling. Then he can explain to you and a counselor why he would tell you one thing and be writing the opposite in his journal.