DEAR ABBY: There are no words to express how disappointed I am at the education kids receive now and still graduate with "honors." I was at the grocery store a short time ago. Two young ladies working there just completed their freshman year at the local college. One of them had been on the honor roll all through high school.

I bought four packages of gravy mix that were on sale -- four packages for $1. As the cashier rang it up, I noticed that she had entered them at 44 cents apiece. When I brought it to her attention, she asked the other cashier if that was right. She asked, "Forty-four cents, wouldn't that be four for $1?" The other one picked up a calculator to find the answer.

Can you tell me, what did this honor student learn in school? Both girls are in college. My heart is broken for our kids. Maybe we need to go back to teaching like when I was a kid. Just call me ... GRANDPARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDPARENT: Frankly, your letter leaves me at a loss for words. I can only say that the problems with our educational system will not be resolved in an advice column. Readers?

DEAR ABBY: I was sober for a year when I met my husband. Neither my alcoholism nor my 24 years of perfect sobriety have ever caused any upset for anyone in his family.

His niece will be married later this year in a winery in another state. The thought of it makes me anxious, and I am opting to not attend with my husband.

Abby, I am not a "special" aunt, and I have no place in the wedding, which will be large. Some family members think I'm being selfish, but I believe I am my first responsibility. They are not the sort you can talk to, so please advise. Am I being selfish? -- VERY SAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR VERY SAD: Not in my opinion. Your reason for not attending makes sense to me, and it's not "selfish" to skip an event at which you would not be comfortable. If you send your husband -- and a nice wedding gift -- I'm sure the bride will forgive your absence. And for those who would hold it against you, "remind" them that although you have maintained your sobriety for many years, it can't be taken for granted because sobriety is a day-to-day challenge for people with alcoholism.

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I have a disagreement. We do crossword puzzles together at the dog park. She says using a thesaurus/dictionary is cheating. I say that if I look something up and then write it down, I'm learning. What say you, Abby? -- WILLIAM IN OCEANSIDE, CALIF.

DEAR WILLIAM: I agree with you. For this friend to shame you because you need a little help with the answers isn't very nice. The next time she says it, smile and ask her what a five-letter word with a "t" in the middle is.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Poor Birth Mother in Georgia" on June 12 -- "Because the college loan agreement with your daughter was verbal and wasn't put in writing, you don't have a legal means to force her to assume the loan payments" -- was wrong!

Verbal agreements are enforced if they can be proven to be true. Even if the daughter didn't promise to make the payments, she may be held liable for them because money provided for the benefit of another gives rise to an implied and enforceable obligation to repay it.

If the statute of limitations has not run out, I think she's got a pretty good case. Whether it's economically feasible is another issue, as is the wisdom of getting into litigation with one's daughter.

Check with your own attorney. You made a mistake that you should correct. If you are a lawyer, you should have known better; if you're NOT a lawyer, you should avoid giving legal advice. -- ATTORNEY IN PALM DESERT, CALIF.

DEAR PALM DESERT: You are not the only lawyer to say that. Attorneys nationwide wrote to point it out, and I apologize for that answer. Although I did consult an attorney who said my answer was correct, it appears we were both wrong. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Under Georgia law, ORAL agreements are enforceable. That mother could bring a lawsuit against her daughter to repay the loan. A famous Georgia case involved Ted Turner, who was sued for $281 million based on an oral agreement. A Georgia court upheld the agreement, and Turner had to pay the $281 million. -- SAN FRANCISCO ATTORNEY

DEAR ABBY: Although the agreement "Poor Birth Mother" had with her daughter was an oral one, there may be some documentation, albeit peripheral: email, notes, birthday cards, thank-you cards. Also, the college application and financial disclosure form may say "loan from mother" as anticipated expense payment. The writer should talk to an attorney in Georgia. -- MARIETTA, GA., READER

DEAR ABBY: Just the THREAT of a lawsuit may bring the daughter around. Lawsuits, sad to say, have enormous blackmail value; the cost to defend them is so high that people settle.

I'm a magna cum laude graduate and former officer of Harvard Law School, and for a few years of my misspent youth, a professor at the Northwestern University School of Law. If I were licensed in Georgia, I'd represent her, probably for free (lawyers do such things). -- ATTORNEY IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Tell the mother to consult her local bar association and ask if it has a pro bono (free) hotline or clinic to advise her. -- TEXAS LAWYER

DEAR ABBY: Have her contact Georgia's Division of Aging and speak to Adult Protective Services. Among the things it deals with is elder abuse, which includes physical, emotional and sexual abuse, neglect by a caregiver, self-neglect and financial exploitation. -- READER IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman and currently live with my boyfriend. We have a child. Before we started living together, we discussed having an open relationship. We realized how messy it can be, so we agreed on having a "free pass" with ONE person, ONE time. I have met that person; it is a woman.

At first, my boyfriend was OK with it. But now that I'm ready to do it, he's acting jealous. I told him I would stand by his side if he changed his mind about me doing this, but I'm excited to experience this alone and not have him involved. Help, please, Abby? -- CARRYING OUT THE PLAN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CARRYING OUT: Your boyfriend may be feeling insecure because he is afraid of losing you. But this is what he agreed to -- a "free pass" with one person. If you feel you need to further explore your sexuality and he is unwilling to allow it, then it's time to rethink your relationship with him because you may not be as suited to each other as you both thought.

And, by the way, the same may be true for him. If he needs someone who is a one-man woman, then you may not be it.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Pete" is a felon from an incident that cost him six years in a federal penitentiary. He has one more year left on parole. He married a professional "psychic" he met online who we believe has borderline personality disorder. There have been several instances of serious physical abuse toward my son. He is constantly trying to adapt to her ever-changing moods to reduce these conflicts, to no avail.

Yesterday she smashed a coffee pot into Pete's face, causing a 3-inch gash. Then she took his guitar and smashed in the windows of his truck. When she's not violent, she threatens to kill herself. She recently moved here from the U.K. and must maintain a living situation with her husband for at least a year to establish citizenship. Pete wants to stick it out for the sake of his wife's daughter.

I think my son should call the police and make a report, but he is afraid of how she would and will retaliate. She knows his background and could accuse him of anything, if it comes down to a "he said/she said" situation. I'm not sure what to do, Abby. Any thoughts? -- DESPERATE MOM IN MARYLAND

DEAR DESPERATE MOM: For his own safety, your son should not continue living with someone as volatile as this woman. Pete could be even more seriously injured in her next attack if he stays. When she acts out again -- notice I didn't say "if" -- I agree that he should call the police and make a report. He should also go to an emergency room for treatment and to have his injuries photographed.

If his parole officer doesn't know what has been going on, he or she should be informed. If Pete thinks his wife could harm her daughter, he should report it to child protective services.

He should never have allowed himself to be held hostage by her threats to kill herself, which is classic emotional blackmail. This "citizenship" marriage has been a sham from the beginning, and your son should end it.