DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 years old, and I want to know how I can make my life easier and not be as shy as I am. I have a lot of friends at school, but of course they're not popular either. I want to still have those friends, but I'd like to be able to strike up conversations with other people. When I try, I get nervous and chicken out before I can get a word out.

I want to improve my communication skills and come across as more friendly and natural. My aunt told me you have a booklet that can help. If you do, how do I get one? -- NICOLE FROM NEVADA

DEAR NICOLE: Everybody wants to be well-liked, accepted, feel needed, appreciated -- and of course, loved. It's essential to a person's self-esteem to know other people think they're worth having as a friend.

If you think you're alone in being shy, let me assure you that you have lots of company. No one emerges from the womb knowing how to be social. It's a skill that has to be developed. Like you, many others could use a little coaching on how to be the kind of person others find attractive, interesting and worth knowing.

Achieving it isn't always easy because social skills don't come naturally to everyone. My booklet "How to Be Popular" contains tips on how to approach others, and what to say and not say when trying to make conversation. You can order one by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds), to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. When you get it, don't just read it once. Keep it on hand for reference because it contains many helpful suggestions for polishing social skills -- which, like any other skills, takes time, effort and practice.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun a relationship with my biological father, "Frank," after not seeing him since I was 4. My mother and stepfather raised me and I am very close to them. But after talking to Frank and meeting him face to face, I have gotten close to him as well.

His relationship with Mom ended badly. They were very young and he takes all the blame. Mom has always said that if I have a relationship with Frank, she wants no part of it. After I told her I have been talking to him for two years, she became upset and has been short with me and my wife ever since.

I want to continue to develop what I have with my biological father, but I'm not sure how to handle Mom if she's going to be so hurt and upset over it. Can you advise? -- ANDY IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANDY: Tell your mother you have noticed a change in her behavior, and feel that she is punishing you for having an interest in knowing your biological father. If that's the case, in the future do not discuss anything about Frank with her since she has made clear that she doesn't want to hear it.

If you haven't discussed this with your stepfather, please consider enlisting his help because he may be able to explain your feelings to your mother better than you can.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a few months pregnant and married to a man I love with all my heart. We have a young son together. For the last couple of months, I have had severe morning sickness, and my husband seems to resent me for it. He complains that I "don't do anything anymore," but I have been so ill that some days it's all I can do to get to work in the morning. I try to help out as much as I can, but it doesn't seem to be enough.

Lately he has shown no interest in me or the pregnancy. He won't go with me to doctors' appointments, no longer asks me about them, and refuses even to discuss possible names for our new baby. I have been to the emergency room twice -- once for dehydration and another time for a car accident. He showed up only after I begged him to come because I was scared. When my mom showed up, he couldn't get out of there fast enough.

He has been very secretive with his phone lately and has been working longer and later hours than usual. I don't know what to do. I'm scared that he doesn't want me anymore. Am I being a hormonal, paranoid wreck, or is something bad going on here? -- EMOTIONAL MESS IN OHIO

DEAR EMOTIONAL MESS: You need to confront your husband with that question. His behavior is the opposite of supportive. Whether it is because he is immature or because he is seeing someone else is anybody's guess. But a change of behavior this drastic on so many levels is certainly cause for concern -- and pretending you don't notice won't fix whatever is going on.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has children and two grandchildren from a previous marriage. Her granddaughter, "Jasmine," is 19. We were never close to her or her mother, but we tried to heal old wounds a few years ago.

Once Jasmine turned 17 she started getting tattoos. She now has them all over her body -- thighs, chest, stomach. She has a full sleeve on one arm and a half-sleeve on the other. She has piercings in her ear lobes and has pierced her nipples.

At this point, I don't want her in my house and neither does my wife. I don't want to be seen with her in public, and because her mother allowed her to do this, I would rather cut all ties with them. My wife agrees. I don't see us changing our minds. Your opinion, Abby? -- GROUCHY TEXAN

DEAR TEXAN: I am glad you asked, because it appears you and your wife have forgotten that underneath those tattoos and piercings is a grandchild. I understand her body "art" may be off-putting, but I'm disappointed that nowhere in your letter did you express what kind of person Jasmine is.

I'm sure that like most people, she has more to offer than what's on the surface. She may be a sensitive, loving, caring, talented and intelligent individual who would love a relationship with you and her grandmother, and be deeply hurt by the sentiments you have expressed. That said, unless you can look deeper and get to know and love Jasmine for the person she is, it would be better for her to avoid such shallow individuals as the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Ashley," and I have been dating for three years. Every year I ask her to go on a trip with me to St. Louis where my parents live. It's a weekend trip my parents sponsor for our entire family, and it involves a Cardinals baseball game. Every year she refuses to go.

When she invites me on her family fishing trip to New Mexico, I go. When I ask why she won't do the same for my family trips, she makes excuses like she doesn't want to get up early. Most people in my family are early risers. Ashley is not. I tell her she can sleep as long as she likes; no one will care.

I believe there is something else that Ashley isn't telling me. I have expressed my unhappiness about this, but it does no good. I am to the point of just ending this relationship. I don't understand her reluctance. I really want her to come with me and spend more time with my family. What can I do? -- MYSTIFIED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Has Ashley met your family? If the answer is no, she may be afraid she won't fit in or that they won't like her for some reason. Unless you can get her to open up and tell you exactly why she won't go, you will never be able to convince her.

Because this has become such a sore point, you need to tell your girlfriend that her inflexibility has become a deal-breaker. But if you do, you may have to be prepared to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for eight years, and my husband is a wonderful spouse when it comes to almost everything. My complaint may seem shallow, but please hear me out.

A couple of years back, he started buying me potted plants rather than cut flowers because "you get more for your money." He buys me plants three or four times a year, and after receiving the third one I asked him to please go back to cut flowers. I neither like house plants nor do I want something I must find a place for in our yard. Despite this, he continues to buy me potted plants every time. Each time he says he "forgot" I don't want them.

I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I am really frustrated. Today I received my 10th one. I suppose I seem like a jerk, but I really don't understand why he keeps buying me the one thing I asked him not to buy. Your thoughts? -- KATHY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR KATHY: You appear to have married a man who is not only practical, but also unimaginative when it comes to gift-buying. That he would continue to buy you something you have repeatedly told him you would prefer not to have seems the opposite of considerate to me. (On the other hand, many women would be glad that their spouse remembered any special occasion.)

Suggestion: The next time it happens, put HIM in charge of watering, replanting and caring for the plant, and things may change.