DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and going into my second year of college. I was sexually and emotionally abused during my first two years of high school by a boy a year older than me. I attended therapy for a while and eventually found myself in a loving relationship with my boyfriend. We've been living together for a year.

Everything was going fine until I came home for summer break. I have never gotten over the feelings I had for my abuser, but I love my boyfriend and would never want to hurt him or endanger myself again. Why should I have feelings for someone who treated me so terribly? And what should I do about them? -- ABUSED AND CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABUSED AND CONFUSED: I commend you for recognizing that the status quo isn't in your best interest. Old habits die hard, and you may still be physically attracted to your abuser. Now that the school year is beginning again, head straight to the student health center and talk to a counselor about this. Do not put it off, because understanding this is important for your emotional well-being now and in the future.

DEAR ABBY: We are having a housewarming party and would like to invite a married couple we know. However, the wife is notorious for having one of her female friends tag along for everything they do -- movies, vacations, concerts. Everything! I don't care for the third wheel, and I don't want her at our party. What's the proper way to word the "guests only" without it sounding cold or insulting? -- NO TRESPASSING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NO TRESPASSING: After you issue the invitation, call the wife and tell her your party is for "guests only" and that you would prefer she not bring any extras. If she asks why, tell her the truth. It is a breach of etiquette to bring uninvited guests to someone else's party, so stop worrying about sounding cold or insulting because this couple appear to have hides of steel.

DEAR ABBY: I have asked my son to let me watch (via video chatting) my grandson open any gifts or cards I send. They live far away and I want to feel included. He promises to do it, but he never follows through.

My grandson is not being taught to have any regard for my feelings. What should I do? Should I drop the request and any expectation of contact? Should I stop sending gifts? It just upsets me too much. -- LONELY GRANDMA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR GRANDMA: I don't blame you for feeling upset, but the person you should be upset with is your son. If you stop sending gifts to your grandson, you'll be punishing the wrong person. His parents should be teaching him the importance of acknowledging gifts because it is part of basic good manners that will benefit him in the future.

Because you want to stay in contact, after sending the boy a gift, call to ask him if he received it and how he liked it. If you do, it may help you to establish a closer relationship.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, during her required physical for college, my 19-year-old daughter, "Lacey," was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. She is in denial and hasn't seen a doctor since. She doesn't take her medications and refuses to change her diet or exercise. She is also obese.

When I try to discuss this with her, she gets angry and storms away. Her school is three hours away and I'm worried something terrible will have to happen to make her get serious. She's in that "invincible/know-it-all/I don't care" teenage phase of her life.

There are already signs that her diabetes is out of control -- headaches, vision changes, foot sores, numbness in her hands and irritability. Any advice before it's too late? -- WORRIED SICK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WORRIED SICK: Yes. There may be many reasons Lacey doesn't want to deal with her diagnosis right now. With starting college, meeting new friends and navigating the transition to adulthood, she has a lot she'd rather focus on, and issues that seem more immediately relevant. It may also be scary to think about her health, the possible consequences of diabetes and all that managing her condition entails.

People Lacey's age don't like to be told what to do or be nagged. So approach the issue as a conversation and demonstrate an interest in her perspective and goals. This can happen in bits and pieces over an extended period of time, as she comes to see you as a supportive resource.

You might start by saying, "What did you think of what 'Dr. Jones' said about Type 2 diabetes?" Then LISTEN. Resist the urge to tell her to do something. Instead, reflect back on what she says -- even if it's something you'd rather not hear, such as, "I have too many other things to worry about right now." Your goal is to get her talking and thinking, and let her know you're willing to listen and let her make her own decisions.

Once you get her talking, listen carefully for any signs that she's considering changes (eating more healthfully, joining a gym, trying medication suggested by her doctor) and show an interest in her thoughts, such as, "So you're thinking about eating healthier? What have you been doing?" Offer concrete support such as offering to help cover the cost of the gym, looking up diabetes-friendly recipes or helping her connect with a doctor close to her school. Tell her you'll support her any way you can.

In the meantime, engage in behaviors that Lacey needs to adopt, i.e., learning about diabetes and maintaining healthy eating and regular exercise habits. When she's home, set a good example. Tell her what you're doing and ask if she'd like to join you. Some resources you might find helpful are www.diabetes.org and www.mayoclinic.org/disease-conditions/type-2-diabetes/basics/definitions/con-20031902.

Change isn't easy. Progress often isn't a direct path. Remember, diabetes is just one part of her life. Let Lacey know she's valued as a person and capable of taking care of herself. But ultimately, the decision to do that must be hers.

DEAR ABBY: At what point does a parent no longer have the right to know who their child's friends are?

I have three grown daughters, all on their own, living on the other side of the country. During a recent visit home for their grandmother's birthday, I asked each of them to give me all of their friends' phone numbers, in case I couldn't reach them. I also wanted to know who they were exactly, how well they knew them, etc. I was simply thinking of their safety. If I can't reach my girls, I want to know who might have seen them last and, if need be, give that information to the police.

Abby, all three of them told me NO! They said they are grown women and can take care of themselves, and besides, if, God forbid, they didn't want to answer their phone when I called, I sure as h--- didn't need to be pestering their friends.

They say they are adults, and that we (their dad and I) no longer have the right to "dictate" who they are friends with. I say I'm their mother and no matter how old they get, I will ALWAYS have the right to know who they are friends with. I would appreciate your thoughts. -- RENEE IN OREGON

DEAR RENEE: I agree that you are their mother, but you are not your daughters' parole officer. They are self-supporting, self-sufficient adults. Perhaps if you were less overbearing, your daughters would be living closer, would answer their phones more often when you call and would open up to you about their friendships. Frankly, I think you should apologize for giving them such a heavy-handed third degree.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I had dinner with some other couples at an elegant, white linen tablecloth restaurant. After the meals were brought to the table, someone said, "We need to pray." In this quiet, candlelit setting, a "Bless us, oh Lord ..." was spoken aloud by most of the people in our party, causing heads to turn at a number of nearby tables. Undoubtedly, the din sounded like chanting. I was embarrassed.

Please understand, we are religious and we pray aloud in church, but not in restaurants. I have seen people bow their heads and pray privately, which seems more appropriate. Is there a rule of etiquette about praying in a restaurant? -- SILENTLY PRAYING FOR ADVICE

DEAR SILENTLY PRAYING: Yes, there is. In restaurants, praying should be done quietly and inconspicuously to avoid distracting other diners.

DEAR ABBY: I love my friends and enjoy going out to dinner, and attending plays and movies with them. However, something really annoys me. My husband and I are usually early, and when we go to the movies, our friends ask us to pick up the tickets if we arrive first. After the movie we'll grab a bite to eat and at the end of the evening say goodbye.

The question is, how do we ask them for the money we laid out for the tickets if they forget to offer it? This has happened three times with different friends and we're out the money. -- ANNOYED IN TEANECK

DEAR ANNOYED: There are a couple of ways to do it: As you hand the tickets over, you might say, "That'll be $20, please." But if that's uncomfortable for you, the following day, you or your husband should call these "forgetful" friends and ask them to send you a check.