DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are in our 60s and have been married more than 40 years. It hasn't always been great, but we've made it.

Recently, while going through some old boxes in the basement, I ran across her diary and discovered that she had an affair while we were engaged. This has left me depressed, hurt and feeling very down. Should I confront her with my findings? -- HURTING IN OHIO

DEAR HURTING: If you feel the need to bring this up after 40 years, then rather than let it fester and ruin the next 40, tell your wife what you have found. However, before you do that, remember diaries are supposed to be private, and you will have to explain why you took it upon yourself to read something that was never meant for you to see.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 41-year-old mother of three. I was raised in a good household, but we didn't have a lot of love. My folks were strict, straight to the point and good providers, but I don't remember many hugs and kisses, or moments of real expressions of emotion or intimacy between them.

Now I realize I am the same way with my kids. I'm very matter of fact, strict and too serious. I love my children more than life itself. But how do I become more loving? I don't know how to play or be silly. My hubby tells me it bothers him sometimes when he's trying to tell me how much he loves me and I make a joke or say something acerbic.

The problem is, my daughter is 9 and she is turning into me and my mother. She's not frivolous, like a little girl should be. She's serious, studious and almost cold in her assessment of everyone around her. It worries me. How do I combat this? How do I change myself so I can help change her, before it's too late? -- BAD ROLE MODEL IN MISSOURI

DEAR BAD ROLE MODEL: You have already taken the first step by recognizing the pattern that is being repeated. Another step in the right direction would be to discuss your discomfort with expressing emotion with a licensed therapist, because it has affected not only your daughter but also your relationship with your husband. While a therapist may not be able to help you "be silly," a good one can offer suggestions on how to become more playful and communicate your feelings more openly.

However, I would caution you about one thing you said in your letter. Not all 9-year-olds are "frivolous." Many of them are serious and studious and that's a plus. If she "judges" contemporaries to the point of being sarcastic or cruel, she should be corrected before she's perceived as a bully or turns herself into an outcast. I have always abided by the philosophy that if you think something nice about someone else, you should share it. You might suggest that to her.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently the target of a romance scam on a popular singles website. After being a divorcee for 15 years, I decided to try online dating. Minutes after I went online, someone asked to chat.

He said he was a widower with an adult daughter and a jeweler by trade, living near me but returning to Florida the next day with ultimate plans to relocate to my area. He mentioned he was originally from Germany and had an accent. We chatted on Google Hangouts, and he sent me sweet emails every morning saying how much he loved meeting me and that it was "our time to have a second chance."

After three weeks of chatting but only a short, garbled phone conversation, he asked for a favor. He was attending a jewelry show and needed me to send his diamond supplier money to pay for a shipment. He made it sound urgent and gave me a name and address in Ghana where he could get the best quality diamonds at the best price.

All along I had kept my guard up, but his request confirmed for me that it was a scam. When I Googled the Ghana name and address, it came back "Ghana Scammer." Abby, these people even provided photos of the person they pretended to be, along with a cellphone and address that actually were under the name of the person they were impersonating.

A couple of telltale signs people should be aware of: First, if you don't talk to them or their cellphone seems to have a very bad connection, it's likely they aren't in the country. Second: If you can't meet in person, it's likely they're pretending to be someone else. He told me that his email had been hacked, and then someone tried to have a conversation from his email asking me personal questions about my retirement funds.

Please help me warn others about these types of scams. -- LOVELESS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOVELESS: Gladly! Thank you for writing about your near-miss, because many trusting people have been victimized in this way. Phone and online scams have more than proliferated this year; they appear to have metastasized.

No less than five individuals I know have been approached by scammers trying to lure them into money-losing "propositions." Two of them were told they were having problems with their tax returns. (Not true.) Two others got the "Grandma, please don't tell my parents, but I'm in jail and need bail money" phone calls. One of the women is childless; the other told the caller, "That's funny. You didn't mention it when I talked to you two hours ago." (The caller hung up on her.)

It takes courage and trust to open oneself up to a stranger you hope could become the love of your life. Romance scammers know this can make people vulnerable. According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), this particular type of scammer typically tries to lure potential victims away from a dating website and communicate privately by email or instant messages. They tend to profess their love very quickly, and spin elaborate tales about business ventures, overseas travel or family problems that end in requests for money or favors from their mark. According to a recent FBI report, romance scams made up more than 10 percent of the $800 million in Internet crimes committed against Americans last year.

Readers, as much as you might want to believe the impassioned appeals, guard your hearts and your bank accounts from these scammers. Report them to your dating website and to FTC.gov. Protect yourselves by visiting USA.gov/scams-and-frauds and learning how dozens of these scams work and where to report it if you have been victimized.

DEAR ABBY: I was best friends with "Joanne" after we met in middle school. She comes from a conservative Christian family and has three successful siblings. This has made her quirky, media-driven pursuits and city life a disappointment to her family. When we were teens and she learned that I was a straight ally for gay rights, she came out to me as a lesbian, but for years only I and a few close friends knew.

Once she was an adult and her family found out, they practically disowned her and made their disapproval and "shame" very clear. Unfortunately, due to some family problems of my own, I moved away, and we communicated only periodically for the last couple of years until recently. I was shocked when she informed me that she is going to become a nun.

Abby, I have no problem with her faith (I attend an LGBT-friendly church), but I'm afraid Joanne is doing it for all the wrong reasons. For the 15 years I have known her, she has been an open-minded, culture-loving social butterfly, and she doesn't seem to have changed much personality-wise. Naturally, her family is thrilled with her decision because it means she will never date another woman or be a part of "that lifestyle."

I know Joanne is an adult and these choices are hers to make, but I'm afraid she is being guilted into a life she will ultimately regret. How do I express my concerns to her without being offensive? -- KATHY IN NEW YORK

DEAR KATHY: Before you "express your concerns," I think you should have enough respect for your friend's intelligence to ask her what has prompted this life-changing decision, and what it will entail.

Will she be joining an order that wears a habit? (Not all nuns do anymore.) Will she be taking a vow of silence and shutting herself off from the world for a life of prayer and contemplation, or will she be working to help underprivileged communities? Does she plan to remain in the United States, or join an order like Mother Teresa's in some other country?

If you show an interest rather than "concern," I'm sure she will be glad to answer any questions you may have without becoming offended.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently been invited to my sister's baby shower. The problem is I am a man. My mother and sister think I am sexist for not wanting to go. I always thought this kind of thing was a women's event. Are my mother and sister right? Am I being sexist? -- NATHAN IN INDIANA

DEAR NATHAN: You're not necessarily sexist, but you are behind the times. Baby showers are no longer solely women's events. In fact, because men are so much more actively involved in their little ones' care than they used to be, it is becoming common for the showers to be co-ed affairs. (They're called "Jack and Jill" showers.) I hope you won't skip the celebration because I think you'd enjoy it.