DEAR ABBY: I was best friends with "Joanne" after we met in middle school. She comes from a conservative Christian family and has three successful siblings. This has made her quirky, media-driven pursuits and city life a disappointment to her family. When we were teens and she learned that I was a straight ally for gay rights, she came out to me as a lesbian, but for years only I and a few close friends knew.

Once she was an adult and her family found out, they practically disowned her and made their disapproval and "shame" very clear. Unfortunately, due to some family problems of my own, I moved away, and we communicated only periodically for the last couple of years until recently. I was shocked when she informed me that she is going to become a nun.

Abby, I have no problem with her faith (I attend an LGBT-friendly church), but I'm afraid Joanne is doing it for all the wrong reasons. For the 15 years I have known her, she has been an open-minded, culture-loving social butterfly, and she doesn't seem to have changed much personality-wise. Naturally, her family is thrilled with her decision because it means she will never date another woman or be a part of "that lifestyle."

I know Joanne is an adult and these choices are hers to make, but I'm afraid she is being guilted into a life she will ultimately regret. How do I express my concerns to her without being offensive? -- KATHY IN NEW YORK

DEAR KATHY: Before you "express your concerns," I think you should have enough respect for your friend's intelligence to ask her what has prompted this life-changing decision, and what it will entail.

Will she be joining an order that wears a habit? (Not all nuns do anymore.) Will she be taking a vow of silence and shutting herself off from the world for a life of prayer and contemplation, or will she be working to help underprivileged communities? Does she plan to remain in the United States, or join an order like Mother Teresa's in some other country?

If you show an interest rather than "concern," I'm sure she will be glad to answer any questions you may have without becoming offended.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently been invited to my sister's baby shower. The problem is I am a man. My mother and sister think I am sexist for not wanting to go. I always thought this kind of thing was a women's event. Are my mother and sister right? Am I being sexist? -- NATHAN IN INDIANA

DEAR NATHAN: You're not necessarily sexist, but you are behind the times. Baby showers are no longer solely women's events. In fact, because men are so much more actively involved in their little ones' care than they used to be, it is becoming common for the showers to be co-ed affairs. (They're called "Jack and Jill" showers.) I hope you won't skip the celebration because I think you'd enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago I gave my adult daughter, married with a child, more than $16,000 to help pay off her debts because she couldn't pay her bills. She and her husband maintain separate accounts, which I find odd. He pays certain expenses; she pays others. Now I find she's deep in debt again and needs more help.

I'm 69, married and retired. We have some savings and I'd like to help her. However, I'm afraid if I take more money out of our savings, we may not have enough to cover an emergency or if either of us needs nursing home care.

She is a good and loving daughter, and I feel bad that I may not be able to help her. Do you see any solution to my problem? -- DENNIS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DENNIS: You must stop enabling your adult daughter. Rather than offer more of your savings, it's important to find out what is causing her spending problem. (Drugs? Depression? A shopping addiction?) Then steer her and her husband to a credit counseling organization that can help her without placing your future welfare in jeopardy.

Legitimate credit counseling firms are affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling, the Association of Credit Counseling Professionals, or the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies. This isn't your problem, and it shouldn't be. You have done enough.

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend we had our children and grandkids over for a family birthday. We looked after the children, cooked, waited on everyone and cleaned up afterward while the adults sat texting or playing on their cellphones.

Abby, this is not so much a question as an observation for anyone of any age who is invited to visit someone's home:

Spending time on the cellphone rather than socializing is rude. It says our company is not valued. It says that neither we nor your children are important enough for your attention. It teaches children that it isn't necessary to be social, offer to help clear the table, or be gracious and appreciative when someone prepares a meal for them.

The visit left a bitter taste, and it will be a long time before we invite our children and grandchildren to our home again. I know cellphones are part of our culture, but adults still have the power to choose what is important and turn them off! -- DISCONNECTED IN MIDTOWN, TENN.

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Now that you have vented, may I pose a question? While your children were sitting on their fannies after the meal, did you or your spouse TELL them you needed help, that their children needed minding and that their behavior was rude? Because if you didn't, please recognize that the behaviors you described do not spring up overnight, and you may be partly responsible for how your children turned out.

"Not inviting them for a long time" isn't the answer, because they may not get the "hint." If you say what's on your mind, you may startle them into modeling better behavior for their children before it's too late. Putting into words how their behavior made you feel would be more direct and more effective.

DEAR ABBY: Have you any advice for handling nostalgia? While it can be pleasant, lately I have been getting very down when I think about my past. I'm sad that I can never relive those experiences, and I'm wondering what's wrong with my life now that makes me feel this way.

I'm 25 and have a lot of life ahead of me. Now that I think about it, I have always had the habit of thinking the past is better than the present. Then, a few years later, I end up missing that time in my life -- even though at the time, I didn't appreciate it.

How can I start enjoying and appreciating my present and treasure my past, but not let it hold me back? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOSTALGIC: Try this: Each morning, before getting out of bed, take a few minutes to consider the things in your life that you are grateful for and that you enjoy. Picture them one at a time in your mind -- whether it's your parents, your friends, your health or perhaps a recent experience. If you do, this will put you in a positive frame of mind to begin your day.

If you find your thoughts sliding backward into negativity at any point after that, remind yourself to return to reality and stay in the moment or concentrate on something you have to look forward to. It may lift your spirits. However, if this doesn't help to improve your outlook, then it's time to consider talking to a licensed mental health professional about it.

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago, I invited a friend to attend a dinner party I am throwing. She promised to check her calendar and let me know if she was available. Twelve days went by and, because I had heard nothing, I assumed she wasn't available and filled the table with someone else.

Now she's calling to say she is available, but I already have a full table. What do I do now? -- ONE TOO MANY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ONE TOO MANY: It shouldn't take 12 days to check one's calendar. Your friend was rude in not letting you know right away. Call your friend and explain that when you didn't hear from her, you assumed she couldn't make it, so you invited someone else. And don't apologize for it, because she owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question I have never seen addressed before. I have a lot of collectible toys stored in my attic that I bought for my stepson more than 30 years ago. Now that he knows they're worth money -- which he doesn't need -- he wants me to return them so he can sell them. Is he entitled to demand them back? -- STEPDAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STEPDAD: I think so. When the toys were given to him, they became his property. On the other hand, because they have been in your attic all these years, it seems only fair that you be compensated for the "storage fees." Whatever is decided, I hope it won't cause a rift in your family.