DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian, still in high school, who has not yet come out to any friends or family. I want them to know, but I'm afraid to tell them.

I'm pretty sure this is who I am, and I don't want them to dismiss my identity. I also don't want them to think of me differently -- I want to be the same person in their eyes as I was before I came out. They aren't homophobic to my knowledge, but I feel "stuck."

I have fairly bad social anxiety, so it's difficult for me to say anything. I'd be grateful for any advice you have. -- HIDING IN COLORADO

DEAR HIDING: I suggest you first deal with your social anxiety (a counselor can help you with this) because it may make it easier for you to come out when you finally decide to do it. Until you are secure in yourself about who you are, I think you should wait to announce your sexual orientation to other people.

DEAR ABBY: I am totally frustrated. My wife has implemented alerts on our credit cards, bank accounts and debit card accounts to a point that I can't buy surprise gifts for her birthday, our anniversary, Valentine's Day, etc., without receiving a text from her almost immediately asking if I charged something to a specific store.

Do you think this is a control obsession, or is she just overly cautious? Every time I try to discuss this with her, she says she's trying to make sure we are not hacked, etc. I want to be able to buy her things and create the element of surprise.

I would love some financial privacy at special times. Other than this, I have nothing to hide. Do you have any advice to help me save my sanity on this one? -- UNDER SURVEILLANCE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNDER SURVEILLANCE: Yes, either get a credit card in your name only or put aside some cash to spend on surprise gifts for these special occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I met a man online who lives out of state. We seem to have a lot in common. I have relatives near his home and plan to move to that state in the future. He has two daughters, ages 22 and 24. The 24-year-old, who is married, just graduated from college. He flew back east to attend the graduation.

He has told me several times how much he likes my long hair. When he called me from back east, he said how happy he was that he got to brush his daughter's hair! I thought it was odd and mentioned it to a few friends -- male and female -- who said they thought so, too. What's your opinion? I'm uncomfortable about what he did. -- UNEASY OUT WEST

DEAR UNEASY: I agree that it's unusual for a father to be brushing his adult daughter's hair. However, not knowing the man, I can't say for certain whether or not his affinity for your long hair is a fetish. Because you found his comment off-putting, discuss it with him in a nonconfrontational way to learn more before making any judgments.

DEAR ABBY: A man I work with found a dog on his way to the office. He picked it up, took it home and was immediately talking about what a good playmate the dog would make. He said he tried to call the local animal shelter, but was put on hold twice, so he gave up.

I felt he should have made more of an attempt to find the owner before claiming it as his own. I immediately posted a free "found dog" ad online and, three weeks later, received a message.

It turned out the dog belonged to a 72-year-old woman who lives alone. She discovered her back door open one day and her dog missing. I put my co-worker in touch with the lady and said I'd leave it to him to do what he felt was best. After confirming the dog was indeed hers, he reluctantly returned it to her.

He is now telling everyone he's very sad at his loss and that it was "almost as hard as having a dog put to sleep." He's receiving major sympathy from some of our co-workers who seem to be upset with me for posting the found dog ad. Am I wrong to think this small effort should have been expected in this situation, and what I did was the right thing? -- DID THE RIGHT THING IN TEXAS

DEAR DID: I don't think you did anything wrong, and I'm 100 percent positive that the dog's owner would agree with me. She was probably worried sick, wondering if her beloved companion was lying injured or dead in a ditch somewhere.

While I appreciate your co-worker feeling a sense of loss at having to return the dog, he should be comforted in the knowledge that it's in a home where it is loved and cared for. And that is not comparable to having to have one euthanized. However, because he is grieving, suggest he ask the owner for visitation. Out of gratitude, she may agree.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my partner, "Pat," for 10 years. For personal reasons, we have chosen not to get married. I call him my partner because, for the majority of our 10 years together, we have lived together. We share multiple financial commitments, and he is truly my partner in life.

My problem is, when I refer to Pat as my partner, people immediately ask me if I'm gay. I'm less worried about people thinking I might be a lesbian, but more that people might think Pat is a woman. Even his family members have remarked when I refer to him as my partner.

I know our friends and family respect our choice to not be married, but I'm not sure what to call him other than my partner. I feel that "boyfriend" is too casual for our level of commitment. I don't have a problem calling Pat my partner. I do have a problem with all the unnecessary confusion that follows.

What should I call the man I am committed to and who is equally committed to me, when we have chosen to take the "no ring" route together? -- NOT SINGLE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR NOT SINGLE: You could use "better half," but I think the word "partner" describes your relationship very well. If someone asks if you are gay or if Pat is a woman, don't be defensive -- just say no. Giving more information to someone who isn't close enough to you to already be aware of your situation is oversharing.

DEAR ABBY: In my family alone, three young women have -- by their own admission -- gotten pregnant on purpose to get their boyfriends to marry and support them. None of these marriages worked out. The horrible relationships were and still are hurtful and damaging, not only to the children, but also to the rest of the family. I'm aware of several other women who have admitted to entrapping their baby daddy by "forgetting to take their pills," so I know this isn't just happening in my family.

Contraceptive measures for boys are limited and fallible, and I am concerned. My nephews' mother entrapped their now-absent father, so I doubt she'll mention this to them. How and when does a relative talk to soon-to-be teen boys about entrapment? -- ANONYMOUS RELATIVE

DEAR RELATIVE: The subject of contraception should be part of an ongoing, age-appropriate conversation about sex and reproduction. Boys and girls mature physically earlier than they did decades ago, and because of the Internet they are often exposed to a wide variety of information.

I do think a warning is in order because of your regrettable family situation. However, you should be aware that no law dictates that a man "has" to marry a woman (or girl) he has gotten pregnant. If a paternity test proves he is the father of the baby, he IS required to support his child until the child is no longer a minor.

DEAR ABBY: My widowed mother-in-law began dating a man a few months ago. My husband and I are happy for her because he seems to be a good person. She really seems to enjoy spending time with him.

We live in Michigan and she lives in South Carolina. She told me she has asked him to come with her the next time she visits us. I have no problem with this, but I do not want them to share a room in my home because they're not married. I have boys who are 10 and 13, and I think it would send the wrong message.

Yes, I know I'm old-fashioned. Talk about role reversal! How do I handle this? -- STICKING TO IT

DEAR STICKING TO IT: Handle it by offering to make reservations for your mother-in-law and her gentleman friend at a nearby hotel or motel. And if she asks you why, explain it to her as you explained it to me.

DEAR ABBY: I have neighbors whose house I go to in order to see pay-per-view fights. I split the cost of the fights and food with them. The problem is, if anyone else comes over, they don't pitch in. Also, they eat the food I just paid half of. Another issue is I eat for one and they eat for five, yet we split the cost down the middle. How do I resolve this? -- SHORT END OF THE DEAL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SHORT END: You could try duking it out, but the most effective way would be for you to discuss it with your neighbors, because I agree what's happening doesn't seem fair to you.