DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old male and my brother, "Brian," is 14. When I was 9, our parents split up. After a year, Mom realized she was a lesbian. She is married now to a younger woman, and they are starting a family through in vitro fertilization. Mom's wife is carrying twins -- a boy and a girl.

When I first heard about their plans to conceive, I was devastated. After a few months, Mom and I were able to reconnect and talk about it. I'm happy they're happy, but I'm still uncomfortable with the situation. When the children are born, I am unsure how I will be known. Mom says Brian and I will have "a sister and a brother."

Brian is excited that he will no longer be the youngest. But at my age, as a business owner and in a serious relationship, I prefer to consider Brian my sibling, not the twins. I will love the babies because they are connected to me, but I'm leaning toward being called their uncle or cousin because the twins will not be my blood relations.

I guess I'm "old school," and with all the changes I've experienced in my life I'm not sure I want all of a sudden to say I have new siblings. Is this OK? -- FINDING MY WAY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR FINDING: I don't think you have to announce anything when your mother's children are born. As long as your relationship with them is a loving one, I don't think the "label" matters.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Patrick," and I have been dating for a year and a half. He's an incredibly sweet guy who treats me right. My family loves him and his family loves me. I can't see myself being with anyone else.

The problem is, he's very stubborn about certain things -- like his health. It's a constant battle to get him to go to the doctor or dentist. I worry about him sometimes when he is ill. When he insists he doesn't want to see a doctor, it makes me feel like he doesn't care about making sure he's healthy enough to spend the rest of his life with me.

Patrick is my first serious boyfriend, so I'm not sure if this is just a "guy thing" or if it's just his problem. Am I wrong to be upset that he cares so little about his health, or should I let him be? -- PROACTIVE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR PROACTIVE: You appear to be wrongly attributing your boyfriend's reluctance to see a doctor or dentist to a personal rejection. It may be a "guy thing" -- or there may be other reasons for it. Have you asked him if he even has a health care provider he could contact, whether he has insurance to cover it, or whether he is afraid of doctors? Some people are -- and the same goes for dentists.

It's important that you know what you're dealing with. Until you understand the reason for his resistance, you won't be able to help him resolve the problem.

DEAR ABBY: We recently moved to a new neighborhood. Soon thereafter, some kids who were at our house playing with our kids began rooting through my pantry for snacks. A few days later, kids from another family did the same thing. (I would die of embarrassment if I found out mine ever behaved that way.)

I began stocking the pantry with snacks and juices I knew the kids enjoyed. Except now, the "available" snacks are in a special bin to keep everyone from rummaging around in our pantry. Yesterday, my kids told me that they are rarely offered treats when they visit these children. They even take snack breaks and eat in front of my kids without offering them anything.

I spend $30 a week in extra goodies for the handful of kids in my neighborhood who don't always wait until they are offered a snack. Sometimes they'll lurk in the kitchen upon arrival. It's not uncommon for them to ask for extra snacks -- even four brownies!

Should I continue my generosity? Am I being taken advantage of by the local cookie monsters? I don't want to do anything to ruin the friendships my kids have with these neighborhood children. -- PANTRY POLICE IN UTAH

DEAR PANTRY POLICE: You may, indeed, be being taken advantage of. It would be interesting to know if those children are served the kind of snacks at home that they are at your house. (Are they really hungry, or could their parents be restricting their access to sweets, perhaps?)

Talk to their parents and tell them what has been happening. Then inform those kids that there are "certain rules" in your house and one of them is that they must first ask permission before helping themselves to anything.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a pessimist. He has hated every job he has had during our 11-year marriage. When something happens, even if it's something minor, he'll say something sarcastic like, "This day just keeps getting better!" He complains that we will never have anything nice or never have a new car. When he feels bad, he refuses to go to the doctor because he says it will cost too much, even though we have insurance that will cover part of it.

He has been this way for the last six or seven years. I try to have a positive attitude and look forward to things getting better. I have had about all I can stand of his down attitude, and I'm about ready to see a lawyer.

By the way, it has been years since we have been intimate, and there is no affection or caring anymore -- just complaints about everything. What do you think I should do? -- TIRED OF MR. DOWN

DEAR TIRED: I think you should tell your husband that you love him and, for the reasons you told me, you think he may be suffering from long-term depression. Explain that there is help for depression, and urge him to talk to his physician about it. And if he refuses, THEN you should talk to a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: I am normally a law-abiding citizen. I was pulled over a half-block away from picking up my son and charged with DUI.

I don't dispute the facts, but I didn't injure anyone. I had taken prescription meds (the meds did have warnings) in addition to having drunk three beers two hours earlier. I hurt myself and my son, because he needed me to pick him up. I didn't put anyone else in jeopardy. No one was physically hurt.

I did not contest that I should lose my license for a year, but I do contest jail time. I feel if they are going to put me in jail, they should have put away the men who rear-ended my sister and niece and caused them lasting injuries.

I don't deny my guilt. I suggest only that I am less guilty than others. Abby, what do you think? -- PULLED OVER SOMEWHERE IN THE USA

DEAR PULLED OVER: I think you are just as guilty as the individuals you mentioned, but because of pure luck you didn't cause anyone physical harm. What you did was irresponsible because it could have placed your son in jeopardy. Pointing at "the ones who got away" is a waste of time.

This unfortunate incident should serve as a reminder about the importance of reading the labels and following the directions on medications, and paying attention to the problems that can occur when they are mixed with alcohol.

DEAR ABBY: My dog has been invited to a birthday party for another dog, but he won't be attending because of a health issue. Can you give me some insight into what the protocol is for doggy birthday party gifts? I have asked a few people and received varied responses ranging from "nothing" to "Are you nuts?" to a gift card, dollar-store gift basket or a gift basket with doggy treats and toys. I'd like to know how to handle this so my friend -- the dog's mom -- won't be offended if I give too little, or nothing. -- DOGGONE GIFT IDEA

DEAR DOGGONE: If you or your dog cannot attend a gift-giving party, neither of you is obligated to send a gift. However, if you want to be supportive, you can give your friend's dog something as elaborate as a gift basket or as simple as a doggy chew toy.

P.S. Someone who would deem your gift to be "too little" isn't much of a friend.

DEAR ABBY: I am a boy in middle school and have a friend I've known since kindergarten. We are good friends at school, but his mother seems to dislike me.

I have given this a lot of thought and cannot understand why she doesn't like me. I want to change her opinion, but I don't know how without making the problem worse. What can I do? -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: You appear to be mature for your age. It's possible that the woman's attitude has nothing to do with you personally. Because you feel she doesn't like you, I think you should tell her how you feel and why, and ask her if you can change things.